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T2L, get some intel on this woman asap! With what information you already have, you can find her for sure.
Are they staying at her place? That would make it extra easy.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Heck yeah I wanna see her response!
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Yes they got an apartment together.
HE made the mistake of changing the cell phone bill and my cell phone lets me know when changes are made to the account-so I got the address. I think it may be in her name but I am not for sure. But an address I do have.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Ok whether or not ya believe this or not its worth mentioning. In fact I would love to include it in her letter.
So my husband has always been a dreamer(at night when he sleeps). Well oddly enough, he has had many dreams that actually came true. We like to think its a gift from God. He even has a book that he writes them all in.
Well well my friends guess what dream he had before he left?? Dare I say?? He says, "I had a dream that I saw OW walking away with another man and I was devastated because I didn't have her or you".
So I say "wow, that was kind of God to show you your future because what starts in deception will surely end in deception. I sure hope you know what your doing....."
Anyways would LOVE LOVE LOVE to tell her his dream in my letter.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Posts: 4,698
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ew ew ew ew ew ew she sent it via bebo and I still ahve it on my page. anyway she has put a profile pic up and i just saw it while copying the message  anyway.... Hey Lil - i think there a two 'minor' details that your husband has forgotten to mention to you. The first is this - i am not in love with Flick, never have been never will be and second is this - i will never be faithfull to him (and yes, he knows all of this) so please dont think im going to get all upset and hurt at the thought of him sleeping with you or anyone else for that matter. I only have one rule for him - that is dont sleep with UGLY chicks. Look i even give you my luv for today just to show you that i do not believe we are a threat to each other. If he wants you he is free to come get you :-)
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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Ewe! Yeah right she just lost and she's being a poor sport. Hee Hee that's great! 
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Posts: 1,016
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So I sent H an email today, nice and light about a WHOLE BUNCH of stuff that I could use fixin since he's been gone. A whole days worth of stuff. He said please let me do the car, I know its hard for you to let me help you, ok. Well actually I never had problem with asking for help, I just haven't wanted to be around him because he's been taken over by the aliens.
So anyways house work will be either Friday or Saturday 3 days and counting....
Then I said so I've been doing some soul searching and I think it would fine for you to come with us to Disneyland. I just want to have a really good time and enjoy the kids.
I need to find out his emotional needs. I thought someone suggest to fill out the back of the book like he was doing it, is that correct?
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Posts: 4,698
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That sounds like an excellent start to your new and improved Plan A. Well done! I need to find out his emotional needs. I thought someone suggest to fill out the back of the book like he was doing it, is that correct? Absolutely. Your been his wife for a while so you should have some idea of how he thinks...well when he hasnt got his head up his [censored] that is :RollieEyes:
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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So my mentors, what if his highest need is SEX??? Then what?
In the past I never denied sex but wasn't the best at initiating. So anyways what would I do then?
I don't know if he's only slept with her and know nothing about OW sexual history and I'm sorry but I wanna be alive for my kids.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Posts: 35,996
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So my mentors, what if his highest need is SEX??? Then what?
In the past I never denied sex but wasn't the best at initiating. So anyways what would I do then?
I don't know if he's only slept with her and know nothing about OW sexual history and I'm sorry but I wanna be alive for my kids. sexy - yes! not intercourse He forfeited the keys to your front door and must not be allowed to play hide the salami with you you until he's king of the castle once more. Tell him "I want to have all kinds of sex with my husband. Let me know when my husband returns to the marriage."
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LOL, Pep - I remember you advising me to say that, and it really made my WH pay attention!
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That's hilarious! Good stuff. Will do! And thanks!
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Posts: 2,531
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Hey Trying, since you are full steam ahead on Plan A, and WH is coming over to fix your car anyway, AND there's a darn good possibility that he's got a hero-complex at or near the top of his EN list, AND you have other stuff needing done on the house.... Well, you get my drift 
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Yes I'm pretty sure he does have a hero complex. in fact this OW has kinda a problem life it seems with her kids. He "affair downed". She is nothing like me from what I've been told by mutual friends of ours.
She loves bars and partying, I like dinner and a glass of wine or dancing. I consider myself classy. I think It started as an EA as he would call into the office to schedule his appointment and they extended their conversations. I think he probably tried to help her with her problems. Of course this is all here say.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Posts: 4,698
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Of course this is all here say and yet still oddly typical of WS's. Sex without intercourse....can you picture tight tops, short skirts, high heels, hair flowing loosly, subtle makeup.... Guys are visual you know
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Posts: 4,652
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Yep yep yep... That email was great, about all the things that need fixing. Good job. Be sure to give him plenty of strokes and admire him lots... too bad it isn't the middle of summer, so while he works on the car you could bring him a cold beer wearing tight shorts and a wet t-shirt... (*you* wearing tight shorts etc., not the beer) Admire him while he's working. Look your very sexiest. Does he have a favorite outfit or hairstyle or anything? Schoolbus has a great post about how to make a man feel manly by doing things like gently touch his arm and feel his bicep; put your hand against his hand comparing how much bigger his hand is; etc. Hey, I remember in grad school, a friend of mine really liked this guy so she asked him to come fix things at her house. One thing that needed fixin was her sink was clogged. Turns out her toothbrush had gone down the drain! (It was old-fashioned and used a rubber stopper, not a metal doohickey.) I never thought she did that on purpose but hey, it's an idea! How you doing on the self esteem bit? You feeling more secure, that you'll be ok no matter what, and if he's smart he'll realize how lucky he is to have you?
me - 47  H - 39  married 2001 DS 8a  DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Ok Ya'll! Update a mundo. So kids haven't had much contact with H because the alien that took over his body. They chose to cut him off a few times because they were so hurt when he came and revealed to us.
Told D17 that I have a plan. This is my plan and she says mom this is great! Told her that OW hate sharing family time. so she decided to start calling dad.
She calls tonight, both kids talk D17 and S9. They talk about Disneyland and coming over on Friday. H mentions to D17 that he may need somewhere to stay so he doesn't have to drive Friday to make son's morning Saturday game(he lives an hour away(we do have mutual friends out here). Daughter tells him mom says if you wanna stay on the couch she said its fine. Can you say STUMPED? He says to D17 what? Really? Hmmm. ok well I'll have to think about that.
Let's the Plan A begins folks. Not sure if he'll take up the offer or not but it's out there.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Posts: 4,698
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Thats beautiful! Keep it up, your doing great. And yes your kids will love Plan A. They see mum fighting for something they also want and they get right into it. Heck, my girls Plan A'd once they understood. I love your DD getting into the spirit of it all and phoning. Bet that bends OW's noodle good Not to mention he will think about them and talk about them and you know what... she has no conection with them, to share with him. And if he stays its another thing to add to your "i love my hubby..." letter.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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I've read other books in addition to SAA. Dr. Dobsons love must be tough and Divorce Remedy which are both good and similar in small ways. But for the 1st time in many month I feel like I have a plan. I know it can go either way, but I feel like I didn't make any fast decisions and I gave it my best.
I am nervous about Plan B, but I have cut off before so I should be good. I guess its just the possibility that it may not snap him out of it. But for now It feels really good to have a plan.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Posts: 4,698
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Jayne's post reminded me of this so I went looking for you. Schoolbus knows this stuff because she has a degree in it.
Anyway, the issue of when you smile with or without teeth is specific to the context - so I could only advise it related to what you were doing and what you wanted the outcome to be. I have a thread for people who are trying to get the WS interested again, using body language to woo them back.
Check it out, I will bump it again.
If you are thinking along the seduction lines, there are differing schools of thought on the teeth issue. They can be very sexy if used to gently bite a soft fruit, yes.
For other purposes, to seduce from a longer distance, a playful lick across lips is better, but not so much across teeth, unless you know the specific sexual tastes of the intended partner.
See, it really makes a difference, and you'd have to ask me what to do in a specific context, and what you want the outcome to be.
Teeth in body language are really interesting - could write a book on it.
But, generally speaking, if you want him to get a message that you are interested, and you love him, to draw him closer:
Touch your face or neck softly
Smile softly without teeth - why? This tends to keep your EYES SOFTER!!!!! and reduces the chance of a miscommunication of overassertiveness or aggression by a show of teeth.
Palms open - avoid fists (you will, however, tend to fisting if you are overly nervous). If you are nervous, instead of making a fist, move your hand to gently stroke your forearm, neck, upper arm, or shoulder instead.
If you play with your hair too much, it can be too obvious. Move your hair back gently a few times - especially with an open palm toward him, that is less obvious.
If seated, reach down and rub the BACK of your calf - again, this gives the open palm toward him.
Long, slow strokes when you do this, too.
Works.
SB
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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