I would like to hear from people that have exposed and had it acually work.(Lead to rapid end of affair) Im not seeking resopnces from those who have read about it and simlpy repeat it or those who wish they had done it and didnt . I also bought the book SSA but didnt see anything in it about exposure. Am I missing something?

MarryK, exposure rarely leads to a rapid end of the affair, so if that is your expectation, you will likely be disappointed. Many have ended that way, but not the majority.

What exposure does is ruin the fantasy aspect of the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure is like chemotherapy to cancer. It hastens its death and causes conflict in the affair. But it is just ONE TOOL in a tool chest.

I don't know of any place in SAA where it is mentioned. We learned about it from the Harleys via counseling, radio and the weekend forum.

My H's affair ended the day I exposed it, but that is rare.

I exposed to FWW's family and some friends , my family, OM's boss and a few others.

FWW's family hammered her but I knew they would or at least had a pretty good guess. It pretty much cut her off from her enablers, OM's boss made him agree to NC and, when he violated that, he got fired immediately and deported. They continued secret phone contact for a while so I exposed to OM's parents and a few friends and he quickly lost interest.

The immediate effect of exposure was to destroy the fantasy. Her A had quickly become reality and she could no longer separate the two lives.

I wish I had not exposed to my family because they were laregly in favor of immediate divorce. I eventually had to tell them to simply shut up.

I don't know FWW's opinion on the exposure. Obviously she wasn't happy about it but that's about all I know.

I never exposed to her father and there is a huge thread dedicated to that subject. The consensus was not to continue exposure since the A was already done and dusted. I tend to agree with that now but I so wanted to then.

My Wife's affair was as dead as a doornail a week after exposure. It worked for me.

It largely depends on the situation. For me, exposure to the OW's parents helped hasten the end of the A (IMO) because of her age and the fact that they were paying for her schooling, apartment, etc. She was having to lie to them constantly and, as most people realize as they get older and wiser, lying is HARD. You wrap yourself in a web and eventually you strangle. So, I think it depends on if the person is close to family members, really values their job, whatever.

For me exposure to OW's parents helped end the relationship for long enough that WH moved back in with me giving me a chance to do a intensive 3 week plan A. Then after a mercifully short plan B the re exposure helped me by informing the people who could put pressure on him to get back.

I exposed the A to OW husband and my MIL the day I found out about it. The sexual aspect of the A ended right away, but it took 3 months for true NC. In the meantime, there was alot of "I have to see OW at work"; "If she asks to talk to me about work, I have to"; "We were just talking about the weather". Blah, blah, blah. But the going to lunch, after hour phone calls on the personal phone (I was monitoring phone records daily) pretty much ended right away.

I have mentioned on another thread that OW husband and I made an agreement that whenever one of us knew there had been contact between FWH and OW, that we would call the other. It did not take too long for them both to figure out that if there was contact, there would be trouble in both households. And it really helped put an end to H's lying, because he knew I would verify with OW husband.

MrsW's affair got killed when her MOTHER called up the OM and threatened to sic the MAFIA on him! He dumped her that day! I love that woman!