6


That will work. There may come a time when they want some of that stuff.

Thanks Michele,

I am getting one of those portable storage things delivered next week and we can pack everything in it that they may want later. We also have a few pieces of furniture from her grandparents that she didn't want. Plus she left all the jewelry I ever gave her, except strangely her wedding ring and mine. I'm thinking I'll put that in the safe deposit box, some of it is pretty nice.

What do most people do with wedding pics and stuff like that. I will, of course, keep all the photos of the children, she is hardly in any of them. I am thinking the children might want some pics of their mother later so I should store those as well.

The children are making a huge, huge rummage sale out of all the rest of the stuff and decided that the main family room they would all work on and then the boys get the downstairs office as their room with friends, the girls get our parlor as their room. The boys don't care if they have windows because they want the concrete floor and high ceiling so they can do Krav and such. The girls already decided that they would paint the parlor pink. I think we will have a very modern home with one strange little pink victorian room on the front.

I'm feeling happier by the day just getting absorbed into work and doing lots and lots of stuff with the children and grandparents. MIL said W is going and they are going to help her so it is not a disaster. She also said W is not seeing anyone and is going by herself. I am really thinking our trip to Disney will be alot of fun. Sam turns 21 on November 14 and he asked if just the two of us could go out to one of the more adult (read has a bar) comedy clubs. I think that could be fun and it almost made me cry that he wanted to have his 21'st celebration with his Dad.

6Years,

This is such a strange situation, but it seems clear your children know how to move on with life and they are taking you with them. I hope you all enjoy seeing "The Mouse" . It is clear they are enjoying the planning of renewing the house.

I agree storage of things is a a good plan. I hope your younger ones will learn to adjust as time goes on.

As for your W and Tuscany, maybe she will feel like Diane Lane and perhaps she will meet someone, but the cost will be large in the long run. She is too young to understand that. My guess is that as you move on with your life, perhaps meet another woman who may infact become s step-mother that cares, she will find herself totally replaced. It would be too bad, but for you a win as you might find a lady that enjoys you and your children.

Give it time, one never knows how life will turn out, that is what makes it soo interesting.
God Bless,

JL

JL,

The children just seem relieved. I think they moved on long ago. The whole family is just getting better and better these days. I don't really care if xW finds someone else, it would probably be easier right now if she did.

I'm not in the mood to look for someone or date, but I am looking pretty good because the twins are taking up Krav so I'm getting lots and lots of workouts.

Please allow me to dwell on the whole "Under the Tuscan Sun" drama a little. :RollieEyes:

You WxW is in for a HUGE wake up call,as I am sure you would agree. I thought the movie was all right, but it does not follow the book very well. In fact, about the only similarity between the book and the movie, is the fact that the main character is D. Other than that....the book is almost a different story form the movie.

the book is based on the the authors true life experience renovating a farm house in Tuscany. It was a difficult task, full of obstacles. That is the reality of Francis Mayes (the author) story.

your WxW is off to Tuscany to live a fantasy life that even the author did not live. I would love to be a fly on the wall when she realizes the movie does not follow reality very well.

I am so pleased to hear that you are taking charge of your own life! Well done!

At the same time.....I am fearful that the other show will someday drop for WxW and you will get that teary phone call in the middle of the night.

WOF,

Thanks for the warning, I'll have to change my number.

I know that movie is for fantasy only but xW doesn't know that. My biggest concern is that she will go off and make a big fantasy about her romantic triumphant return. Then I will have to deal with that.

MIL has agreed to tell me what her return date is. She leaves on Saturday and currently has her return booked for the end of January. I'm thinking the family should go to hawaii for a couple of weeks at the end of January, but it would probably be best to just deal with it and get it over.

Wow, everytime I read this thread I'm just stunned. It's almost unbelievable. The speed of the whole thing, the WW hopping on a plane to fly off into the Tuscan sunset - alone. I mean, what does she think she is going to do there? Yikes, it's just too much.....

Chai,

I thinks she believes she will meet all sorts of wonderful people and just meld into the culture, just like the movie. I guess my situation is like one of those thunder storms where the clouds build up all day long and then in one second all h*ll breaks loose. I guess it seems fast to you and it is short amount of time but to me it seems like I started posting here years ago.

Well, for most of us this went fast. I've been trying to get an LSA in place for a year now. At the rate I'm going it may be another year.

Has your WW ever been to Europe? Does she have places lined up to stay at or is she just going to take care of that when she lands?

I used to live in Europe and I wouldn't think of just hopping on a plane and going back for 3 months without some sort of pre-planning. Maybe she has done that, but it sure doesn't seem like she has had much time. She's either a very accomplished traveller or just plain stupid....

Chai,

I have access to great legal work and fast through my firm, and it was amiable so that went fast.

The trip may be a disaster but I think she has a place to stay booked by her mom.

If nothing else, it will be a GREAT kick in the rear end about what 'real life' is all about.

I pray you really change your phone number; maybe even consider a new home for the kids, so she can't track you down and assault you as easily as before. You've got enough time to make it happen; it might be good for them.

Catperson,


That might be a good idea. Prices aren't that good here but we have owned this place for 12 years so I could sell it. I'm wondering what I should do about letting my xMIL and xFIL know the address of a new place.

I could also just install one of those locking gates at the end of the driveway.

6Years,

I am sitting here thinking "winter in Europe", "those wonderful sunsets (sun sets in Dec and doesn't come up until... ). Not really but being as far north as she will be the days will be short and sunsets will definitely be before dinner, not to mention it might be a bit chilly. Of course with global warming, I am sure I am wrong and it will be like summer there, and surely like the movies.

I don't know this whole thing just seems so silly, but I get the impression your marriage has been silly for a long time. In fact I KNOW it has been silly, because neither of you have been in this marriage since her affair over 10 years ago.

You cannot hide from MIL and FIL as you have their grandchildren, and your children do need these figures in their life as they don't seem to have a mother in their life.

Hang in there.

God Bless,

JL

6:

I read the whole thread yes2rday when I noticed in your sigline that you're already DVd.

There's a screw loose or missing from this whole equation (2 mix metaphors) that I can't quite put my finger on (2 mix in another metaphor).

I don't know what 2 say. I'll try 2 think of something.

I've been 2 Italy (Naples, Ischia, Rome, Florence). Countryside is beautiful. I don't speak any Italian, but I got along okay while I was alone there for the first few days before my family joined me in Rome. But touring around is one thing - taking up residence for an extended stay is a whole 'nother 'mother. Is she planning on getting $100K in $20 Traveler's checques?

I have a 2ple of sisters who used 2 move 2 another city everytime they felt unhappy. They didn't realize that happiness must start within, it doesn't just soak in from your surroundings. As they grew up, these sisters learned 2 make themselves happy, such that they were content wherever their jobs 2k them.

Like my favorite quote on the subject: "Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you have." 2 bad there's no way 2 impress this on others. They have 2 figure it out for themselves. Many even2ally do. Some never do. Some of those die trying. I hope your xW doesn't wind up being one of the latter.

-ol' 2long

2Long,

I hope xW took the loose screw with her.

I think that the trip will be a disaster for her, but maybe she has always needed a real disaster to grow up. We were married young and I always made sure she never had to deal with anything really difficult. One of the posters called me "Super functioning", which sounds like a compliment but is not. I am definitely action oriented and once I get my plan I move on it as fast as I can. Having spent more time reading here, I think I just burned myself out completely with a Plan A for years and years. By the time WW stated to turn I was very far gone. Plus I fed all of the things she needed to get past in the process.

6,

Your ex sounds like these three hippies I knew in 1970. The three of them went to Hawaii to, and I quote, "live off the land".

The bought tickets and flew off to live in Hawaii, on the beaches. Their plan was literally to pick "coconuts, dates, mangos, pineapples" and live off the land.

They came back to Colorado a few weeks later.


Turns out, the "land" they were going to "live off" was owned by other people who did not want them living there!


And the fruit they were planning to pick, well, wasn't theirs, wasn't in season, and didn't just grow everywhere like it did in their stupid fantasy dreamy land.

Fortunately, they all had rich parents who indulged them and bought them plane tickets home again.

My parents would have told me to get a job and figure it out. Or more likely, I would NEVER have admitted my mistake, gotten a job, and came home years later after I had straighted myself out and lifted myself up off that stupid beach! No way would I have come home like that!




Anyway, that Tuscan sun thing...........hope she has some sunscreen. She's about to get burned.


SB

when I need a good laugh, I allow my mind to wander about this Tuscan trip of hers.

I know it is not very nice, but it cracks me up. I remember some of my experiences on my first trip to Italy. I went into the restroom at a restaurant, there were about 4 stalls in there. When I came out of my stall there was a man standing at the sink washing his hands. I thought "Oh no! I am in the mens room by mistake!" The guy looked at me and said "I just can't get used to these male/female mixed restrooms" and away he went.
As I walked out the door I realized that the sign showed a man and a woman.
I also recall waiting in line at the public restroom in Pisa, Paying about $1.00 to use the restroom, and it was "turkish style" a hole in the floor that I had to straddle to go in. I paid $1.00 for that!

And at that point in my life, I had travelled to Europe many times, so I was able to go with the flow. I had friends with me to laugh with. Your WxW is going BY HERSELF, and has no experience with that sort of thing. I could go on and on.

I will be surprised if she lasts a month.

LOL!

I'm reminded of this, arguably the worst Star Trek episode ever!



-ol' 2long

LOL!!!

This reminded me of what I kept hearing in NZ, about the Maori coming to NZ, a seeming paradise, only the diet was limited; not a lot of native starches or something. More than one tour guide told us the Maori lifespan doubled on the day Europeans landed with potatoes.

Sorry if that isn't true. I just checked and Wikipedia doesn't confirm this, so I may be spreading myth.

But my first thought on reading about your hippies, was that they would have vitamin deficiencies unless they were able to kill one of those Hawaiian pigs.

I'm reading through this thread. Just...gut-wrenching. And familiar. Wow. Ugh. Damn.

One thing that jumped out at me was (and I hope I'm reading this correctly) the eventual realization that W had to pull her weight in the marriage. Not enough is really made of this sometimes. No amount of planning fixes a marriage if one of the spouses simply isn't making a real effort.