A digital photoframe. Pictures of your wedding, the children, family. You pre -program them in for him. A beautiful reminder of family and you.

Great suggestions! I'll check out trying2live's thread and I love the idea of a digital photoframe. Our computer is set up to do that and I watched pictures of our lives cycle over and over again for the past two months...
I'm also planning to spend the rest of the day and from now on doing what makes me happy. I'm starting to wonder if I even want him -- not just because of what he's done, but his fog-speak repulses me. I feel so much better having a plan and I told my 12-year old that I did and she seemed to feel much better about my actions. I think she'd like to be in Plan B right now!
This site has helped me more than anything to realize that although I am 50% responsible for the marriage, I am 0% responsible for the affair -- it has nothing to do with my character, looks or desirability. My self-esteem is slowly recovering...

Good for you. . Its a tough lesson to grasp in between all the pain and anger.

You are off to a roaring start. Good for you!

Having a plan has been a godsend!!! Knowing that I can be doing something proactive, while still taking care of myself has been so empowering!
I think today is the first day I have not cried since the beginning of September. I know I can make it through this and knowing that I can work on Plan A, but have PB in the wings makes me feel like for the first time since June 30 (first disclosure) that I am directing my life again. If he chooses to continue his path, good riddance...
Today, I shopped for me, got the tattoo I have wanted for years. I had to go alone, but you know what, I like being with me. I know every day is up and down and I know I am going to need to remind myself on a really low day where I was today, but at least I'll know I can get here.
I hope anyone new to MB who reads this has some hope. My marriage is not reconciled and I am still betrayed, but at least I feel like I have my power back!
BF439

I have a question re: withdrawal. Its been 2 weeks since 2nd exposure and WH and OW agreed to no contact (for now, because, remember they love each other). WH has said he will tell me and his mom, who he lied to, about every contact and per WH he has had 2 email contacts. Each time I let him know how that feels for me and reiterated the request to end the affair. I also made the same request to OW via email.
Does withdrawal happen even if fog-speak is all about his love for OW? Does it start over with each contact, even email? I really believe he will not be able to end this, not only because of his feelings of love for her, but he feels guilty for her hurt, too (that about kills me, by the way...)
Please post your thoughts! I'm struggling with the idea that his fog will lift at all.
BF439 -- deep in Plan A...

bf,

You are doing SO well, especially this early in the process.

And it IS a process. Your H is still fully wayward, you are still reeling from the discovery, you're having to put up with the stupid fog speak.

Yet, you're holding on to yourself, and seeing very clearly who owns what here. If you're doing this well this early, I have every confidence you will handle the rest of the process as well as it can be done. No matter how it turns out, you and your kids are going to be FINE.

Way to go, girl.

RHW

Whoops! I was so impressed with your handling of yourself through this that I forgot to address your actual question.

No, withdrawal will not occur until your WH goes into solid NC with OW. He's still getting his fix. What's to withdraw FROM right now?

Patience, bf. Patience and faith.

Yes, patience, and continue YOUR plan. They will probably have more secret contact - they usually do - so don't be thrown if you discover it.

You are doing extremely well. Take good care of you! What kind of tat did you get?

Thanks, believer and RTW! YOu guys are the best! So traded off the two youngest today before church and today he kissed me (a peck) on the lips instead of a hug. What a cake eater!!
But I just kept up the no LB and trying to meet his EN's (where I can with such limited contact).
I'm really trying not to lose hope when I think about him moving into his own apartment. I have thought, though, that I do not want to give him any of our household items to start up his new home. Is that a LB? It just seems that I can support him emotionally (Plan A), but stick to my belief that he left the marital home, that he has left the marital property, too? I don't want to do anything that will make the new apartment too attractive.
I know I'll probably get pressure from MIL to help him out "for the kids sake." I really am starting to believe that his family is giving him mixed messages! (Not ok to leave your wife, but if you are going to, at least 'take care of' your kids -- nevermind that staying in a marriage and not sleeping around is taking care of your kids!!!!)
So good to vent here!
BF439

bf,

If WH is still planning to move to his own place, please do not put any stock in the fact that he gave you a peck instead of a hug. Of course he's still cake eating, so try not to parse every little thing he does, looking for meaning. The only thing that will have meaning is when he decides to break off all contact with OW.

Agggghh! These waywards really yank my chain.

As for whether or not to help him set up housekeeping in a place where he will undoubtedly entertain OW, I sure couldn't do that. Simply don't ask if he needs anything, and if he says, "Hey, do you mind if I take the extra toaster," maybe no direct answer to the question, but a direct and honest expression of how you feel, ie: "It really hurts me to hear my husband talking about building a home that does not include me."

Maybe someone who's had to face this could advise you better.

Head up, lady. You are showing remarkable grace.

Your right, RTW, there is no point picking apart everything. Your advice about the apartment is hugely helpful. Anyone else out there have to deal with WH moving into another apartment? I also wonder how could I know he's still with her? Should I even bother to try to find out and does that have anything to do with Plan B? I know a lot more will be cleared up after I talk with the Harley's. It's just all the downtime on Sundays is hard for me not to go back to thinking about what's happened to my life in a few short months...
BF439

Just always assume that he is still with the OW. When the affair is over, you will know it, because you will have the man you married back.

Do you have something in writing to protect the family finances? From time to time, we've had WS's go on a spending spree to buy big screen TV's etc. for their apartment, while not having money to give the wife to feed the kids.

I don't have anything in writing about finances -- I'm not sure where to start with that. I think he would sign something if we wrote up something about family finances and allowable expenses per household for now. I don't know if that would help me at all. We are in such terrible financial shape anyway, that I can't imagine that he would do anything to make it worse. He has borrowed money from his dad for the apartment and has been working a second job to be able to afford any extra expenses. SO far, in two months, he has not tapped into any family finances, but who knows.
I'll make a note of asking the Harley's on Tues and see if there are any suggestions.
Thanks for posting back -- you guys really keep me going!
BF439

I forget, are you working outside of the home?

Yes, I do. I have a very good job, but WH's pays better. Both of our paychecks go right into joint checking and we both have access to both on-line. I have been watching finances and haven't seen any irregularities. He still uses the home address for professional mail and I open everything that comes to my house just to be sure.
Why, what are you thinking?
BF439

I'm not thinking anything at all, except what happened to me. Sounds like your hubby will be responsible for his half.

My ex had the affair and went through all of our money. He stopped paying anything on our home and bills. I didn't protect myself financially and he spend all of our savings, his retirement, bonus, etc on the affair - over $100,000. in less than a year.

We divorced and within 2 weeks, his affair ended. Then he wanted to get back together.

Sweetie, I'm concerned that you have not separated your finances. WHs often DO get a little nuts. Do you have a joint savings account? Might want to move it, or at least half of it, into your name only. You are SURE you won't deplete it in a fantasy affair. You cannot have the same degree of certainty about HIM.

The lawyer I saw right after D-Day suggested this, but run it past Steve H when you talk to him Tuesday.

ok, found out tonight that WH was trying to get with another woman (married) just this week. Found emails and exposed to OW, married target and back to WH. He responds with unbelievable anger, lashing out at me, telling me that I am sick and that his whole family thinks I'm the sick one and that I am hurting the kids. That hurt, but it did not surprise me, I guess I'm not sure what to do here...
BF439

Another married woman? Not the first one? How did you find out?