Just did ,Lets see how it goes .

You are setting yourself up for failure, bud.
Are you even listening to her? No. You only hear what you want to hear. All of the crying, ice cream, dinners, etc, are not going to prevent the inevitable. She is going to move on.

I've BEEN THERE, my friend. In the exact same situation.

It's like when a jet misses a landing, and has to circle for awhile. You aren't going to make the heartache culminating from the last 25 years just go away.

BUT...this is something everyone must figure out for themselves.

She is looking for a new thing. You'll have to let her do that and fail. Then she may circle back around to you.

You want her to have a crash landing with you.

True, Easy, but it doesn't hurt to put on a good face in the meantime.

Ok Iam out at a basketball game tonite she calls my cell 2 times then text me to call her so when iam about to call she calls me again wanting to know were Iam at ,she says if you donot pick up your phone when I call your phone is going to be cut off ,she thinks I got a girlfrind and that Iam with her she keeps asking me about this girl .WHAT DO YOU THINK IS HAPPING TO HER...

Easye why do you think that ,why would she call me and text me and keep asking about this girl . Did this happen to you .I sent her a gift for her birthday today she called me a said thank you you did not have to do this I told her I still have feelings for her and that will not end over night .

FTroop,
The only reason is because you guys are so freshly divorced.
You are playing the classic game of dragging out the feelings.
In these situations, someone has a head start in moving-on, and I believe it is her. You still care too much for it to be you.

If she didn't have a head start in moving on, she wouldn't have signed a divorce, and she would have gladly worked things out with you.

So that being the case, she will definitely be ready for something fresh, new, and fun. Whether now, or in the future, the path is cleared for her to find some excitement(and women love excitement). It's like when you trade in an old truck for a brand new one. When you are drivng the new one off of the lot, how do you feel about the old one?

The key is to allow for the fact that she will have to drive the new one off of the lot, drive it awhile, maybe trade it in for another one, before you are not the old truck anymore, but basically an unknown quantity. That's when it gets good.

As an unknown quantity, you aren't "old ftroop" anymore, who she knows leaves his socks lying around and drinks out of the milk container insteasd of getting a glass. You become on the same level of the new, exciting guys.

Right now, you cannot compete with the new exciting guys. Sheerly by definition. You can try, but you will fail 90% of the time.

You have to erase the chalkboard first, and sink into the unknown before that happens.

I could be wrong, but I myself have fallen into the trap you are in now. Not after a 25 year marriage, but in two cases: one six year relationship and one eight year marriage. I thought I needed to do everything in my power to get them back. But it was impossible, because I was a known quantity competing with new, exciting, unknown quantities. The result was I got back with them for awhile, but it was never the same, and I spent years of heartache in the process.

I have long since learned better. Even if the woman I am with now and love with ALL OF MY HEART left me, I would not grovel and play the chase game. I know better. If she wants to leave, it is because she needs something new. It would hurt, but you have to let them go first.

Of course, none of this applies if you don't really care THAT much. If so, do whatever and enjoy!

Also, concerning her questiioning you about the girl, yes that is good. But it's still a game of tit-for-tat.

You make her jealous, she makes you jealous. It still doesn't address the underlying issue, which is you are divorced and both of you (it looks like) have moved on a little.

The hurt has to go away, and she has to get excited by you.

In all honesty, you can read it better than me.

Let me ask you this: Does she talk about getting back together with you, or regretting the divorce?

Does she say you are her soulmate?

In other words, does she give you some clues that there is a whole bunch of feelings still there?

Re-reading your intial posts, my opinion stands. She found a new guy first. She wanted the divorce. She withdrew from you.

That means she fell out of love with you first, and got the drop on you as far as moving on.

She's going to have to do some maneuvering without you before she misses you again.

You are actually doing a pretty good job of doing your own thing and making her question her motives.

Let me ask you this, is she dressing up real nice and looking real good these days? That's a good indicator of her looking for someone else.

She dresses nice everyday because of her work . Last nite I go out to a bar were we play triva on Tuesday nites well in the middle of triva I see her car outside driving slow trying to see in , well the cell rings its her I donot anwser it but I walk outside to see if she is there she is I tell her to come in and have a drink she says is that girl in there I said no , so her and her friend comes in and get a drink stays for about half hour then leaves. After triva I go home she just goes off on me telling me she does not like me and I need to move out because the more we are here together she going to hate me ,but Iam not here much after a few more words we go to bed . So she gets up gets ready for work and leaves a few min later my cell rings its her tell me she cannot move on with me in the house and I should not have sent a gift to her work on her birthday it was nice but why she said ,I told her I just wanted her day to be nice .So EASYE I do think you or right she is going to have to hit rock bottom with someone else for this to be something again .But why is she looking for me when Iam out?

I think that's just human nature. She's getting strokes from you still caring about her, feeding her ego. Most people would love for that to continue, it feels good. So she is slightly still invested in you, but probably just because it feels good to have you still pining for her. And she senses that if you move on, she's going to lose that.

Don't take it that she wants you back, because like Easy says, she has to try out the 'new' life she's pining for before she can compare and realize it isn't all she thought it would be.

Starting today Iam not talking not touching not anwsering cell calls not being around the house ,but I have done this some what but today SHE DOES NOT EVEN EXIST IN MY EYES . This is my thinking she knows she made a mistake but cannot fix it NOW ,MAYBE LATER WHEN I HAVE MY OWN PLACE...

Actually, I think you are doing a good job of doing your own thing. She seems to check up on you a lot, so you can see how that works.

She is probably confused, though, as to why you send gifts and pay attention to her and then go away.

I'm wondering something. What led her, do you think, to seek another guy? Were you doing these same things when you were married? going off and leaving her alone? What was the reason she withdrew from you?

It's important to know that. If it was because she wasn't getting the loving she needed at home from you, it may be a quick fix to show her steady love and commitment. That could bring her around.

But if she just plain got uppity and didn't respond to you, even though you did a pretty good job of giving her love and attention, then yeah, you need to let go.

In other words, is this her doing? Did she up and have an affair on you without cause? Or did you abandon her for years?

Well I coached basketball alot over the years and after 4-5 years she did tell me she did not like it no more she felt like she was alone all the time so I guess thats it . She told me the other nite after the movie she has nerver sleep with other man never .

So basically you just up and gave her a divorce without trying to work on it? Do you know what a plan A is? Read up on it, it's when you figure out what you've been doing to make the other person fall out of love, and you correct it. It takes a lot of time for her to notice the changes, but that's the first thing to try.

You being divorced, I just figured you guys went through all of that and she still didn't come around.

You could try that now, I suppose. Work like crazy to fix the things she didn't like. But I'm not sure it will work.

By the way, how are yur kids taking this? Are they trying to get you guys back together?

Maybe her wanting a divorce was a way for her crying out for help, and you went along with it.

I really can't say. It depends on how much in the game she is
still.

I did plan A but had a few out brust in the mean time that draw her away from me ,the girls or away at school they donot like this set up my oldest does not like mom at all right now she is a daddys girl at 21 she knows what her mom did .This women is so hard to read one day it looks like hey Iam your friend the next bite your head off .She called me yesterday we talked about a few things she said I donot like being mean to you I know you are a very good person I told her I got to get out because she is killing me looking at her but cannot have her she is very nice looking , she said it was hard for her to WOW DID SHE SAY THAT . So I think this will stay the same way until we get apart But the money is not there now ,.

She is out of town Thursday and all day Friday , she did not call or text me yesterday or today this was good to get to be in the house with her not here .

Well I walk in my local watering hole tonite guess who is there , well I walked up to her and her two friends good people buy them a drink and ask her how her trip went she said good then she ask me were my friend was .I had a drink with them and I ask her how she was doing she said I live a boring life , I looked at her and said Iam leaving and walked out the door .I WANT HER TO SEE HOW LONLY IT CAN BE OUT THERE.

Well I did it again woke up went down stairs the bath room door was closed so I opened it she was nude standing there Wow have not seen that in sometime ,She got real mad told me to stay away from her . BUT WHAT IS SHE DOING CALLING ME ALL THE TIME WANTING TO KNOW WERE iAM AT . Last nite Iam down the street eating watching the game at the bar with 2 people I had just met I get a phone call its her aside walking the dog looking in to see if that girl is my new friend I told her no so she went on walking the dog but when she got home she called the cell 10 times telling me she is coming down to meet my friend .But she will not let me touch her at home what do I do people . I KNOW I MUST GET MY OWN PLACE THEN SHE MIGHT COME AROUND BUT NOT UNTIL THEN.

What does cake eaters mean...