I am new to the site and need help! My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 3 years. We had a very rocky start as we found out I was pregnant 6 months into our relationship. We moved into my 2 bedroom townhouse which made things a little tight but we managed to make do. 2 years later we had another child and I suggested it was time for us to start looking for another place as our family was now growing. My husband is a CPA who believes that money is for saving and not spending. He insists that there is no need to move and that we can learn to make do until the economic outlook is better. We both have good jobs and bring home a good income and I am in no way looking to overextend our resources, but we now have 2 children (boy and girl) in a two bedroom townhouse and the living conditions are starting to affect our family negatively. Our kids cannot have friends over or even have parties as there is no room for guests. I also love to entertain and have a large family but I cannot invite guests for the same reason. My husband is an introvert and is perfectly happy when alone and sees no need to make changes. I am a very responsible person and recognize the need to save for a rainy day but how do I explain to my husband that it is equally important to raise a well balanced family. Our living arrangement is beginning to affect me and the kids but my husband does not seem to care. It has also affected our marriage seriously, we barely talk to each other and spend no time together. Whenever I suggest it my husband just blows it off and never follows through. He will come late or fall asleep whenever I plan a movie night or even prepare dinner for the two of us. I am so frustrated, I have considered moving out and getting another place with or without him. I know that is not the best way to handle it but what are my choices? I am at the end of my rope… Anyone please help…

YIKES! Welcome.

The first thing you must do is work on the marriage. Read all about it here - meeting his emotional needs, eliminating love busters. I know, not fair, but YOU are the one asking for advice.

When you have worked hard for several months, we will see if he will change too. Usually they do.

As for your cramped quarters, you need to make do until you fix the marriage. I live in a small, very small home. And I have 2 roommates. It is about 700 square feet and the kitchen is only 40 square feet, but I cook lots and also entertain. It CAN be done.

Do you own your townhome? If so, maybe you can figure a way to make it more palatable for him to consider buying a home later. The downturn is supposed to last through next year. It is a GREAT time to buy a home, but not to sell one. Maybe you could rent yours out, and still buy a home. When homes start appreciating again, you could sell it, and pay down the other home. Plus a rental is a great tax write off.

I suggest YOU start changing TODAY, and then he will change.

Believer thanks for your response. We have paid down 50% of the debt on the townhouse and have had numerous requests for rental. We live in a college town so we would have no problem renting the townhouse. We both agree it's a good time to buy a home in a good school district that we would not afford in a different time however when it comes time to following through on meeting the realtor and making a decision he finds a reason not to be available. My guess is that he still believes we should stay in the townhouse. I have agreed to move closer to his job even though it would mean a much longer commute for me. I can easily find a home close to my job. I worry that time is not on our side and if we miss this opportunity to buy now, it will be near impossible to convince him at a later time when the market adjusts itself and properties values are back to normal.

First you must work on the marriage. And while you are doing that you can make some plans to get in a good position to buy a home.

The market will be down for the next year or so, and there are great deals.

When I was much younger - probably your age, I got a rental and a home. The rental gave me tax write offs, and in about 3 years appreciated enough that I was able to sell it and pay off my home. Those times will come again.

Once you start meeting his needs and eliminating love busters, he should come around. Being that he is a CPA, you can formulate a plan that appeals to him.

Yeah, you need to spruce up the marriage first before you make any big plans. Stop Love Busters. Then start meeting Emotional Needs. Make yourself the best wife he could possibly want. Make him excited again to be married to you. Change things up. And by all means, start talking! You have got to get communication into your lives.

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I will start working on the marriage. Its amazing what a couple of days can do to a relationship. On thanksgivings day, I decided to take the opportunity to let him know how much I appreciated him and how thankful I was for having him in my life and that seemed to have changed things alot. We are now talking more and the communication has improved drastically. I know one of his emotional needs is feeling appreciated so I will work on that as best as I can while eliminating love busters.

I'm new to this site as well. I've read some of the threads and for the life of me I can't figure out a lot of the abbreviations. Can someone enlighten me?