Idey - you are a strong woman. You've kicked one form of cancer - now you get to kick another kind of cancer - a predatory, entitled WH and a mediator who is NOT NEUTRAL!

I cannot believe she would think it's a good idea to stick two ex spouses under the same roof when one is cheating and rubbing the nose of the other in the infidelity manure.

I would have responded: Let's see, do you want this by the bullet point?

* He cheated on me.
* He left me within hours of diagnosis of CANCER to go live with the Ho.
* He feels entitled to continue to prey on me financially and falsely accuse me of taking my son away from him. BTW, I have documentation on all of these things including proof that I did not remove our son from his father, but rather moved to a place where I could recover from a LIFE THREATENING MEDICAL CONDITION THAT WH abandoned me rather than help me through it.

So Mediator - O Exalted One has won you over, in spite of the creepy crappy stuff he pulled on me. He screwed me over in the marriage. He will not screw me over in the end of it. Therefore, unless you can be a little less biased in this process, I will need to find a different mediator. Do I make myself clear?"

Now - I have a cup of Yogi Detox Tea waiting for you over in the Plan B Cafe - you deserve to curl up in the comfy-cozy-corner with a good self-care book that will help you refocus on what's most important to you and your son - a physically and mentally healthy you - so WH thoughts have to stay outside the door of that cafe - i.e. it's a safe place!

Thank you so very much Kay! Yes, I do feel like he is a cancer to me at this moment. I dont really think that the messer-uper (AKA mediator) was saying that we should live together, but trying to show me that things could be worse than me leaving the house. She acted like I had no legal ground to ask him to stay out of my life. Maybe I dont, but I sure as heck am NOT going to leave my home. If he wants in he can break down a window and then I will slap a restraining order against him. I hate, and I do mean HATE that it is getting to this point. All I wanted was to be left alone to heal.

So my brother, bless his kind heart, is trying to to smooth the waters. He did something that I don know if I am comfortable with it. He contacted OEO and made the following suggestion:

Son and I would move out of the house next month and into an apartment. O Enlightend One would have to start paying me my CS/Maintenace immediately. OEO could then move into the house and be responsible for its sale. OEO would have to sign a contract that gaurentees that no matter what, he will pay me my have of the appraised equity from the house (in case he lets it go into foreclosure). This plan would ensure that he house went back to the bank because there is no way he can pay me and the house payment.

Here is my concern. OEO moves in and lets it go back to the bank. He is now living debt free in the house for the 6-10 months that it will take to get him evicted while I am paying my rent. Once the house goes back to the bank, he declares bankruptcy and I get nothing. OR the contract that we have makes it so that he can not whipe away that debt but you still can not squease blood from a turnip. I could then garnish his wages, but as it stands, because of his large annual bonus, I will be getting more than half of his paycheck for CS/Alimony. They will only garnish up to 50% of a paycheck....I would actually get LESS.

I need my lawyer!!!!! If he stops making house payments while I living here can that effect child custody? I mean he would be doing it out of spite. Is there anyway to get a court order that forces him to continue making the payments? Have a a couple of members here gone through similar situations? I would love to get some advice on this. Am I jepordizing custody by keeping him out of the house?

God I hate him. He is now making a HUGE issue over the fact that I will not leave the house christmas day so that he can spend the day here and tuck my son into bed that night. My bro responded back that I am allowing him to have visitation the next day as well so he can take our son to a hotel or to his brother's for the night. THat way he can tuck him in. I still dont feel like I am being unreasonable here. I JUST F'ING WANT SOME F'ING PEACE SO THAT I DONT WALK AROUND HATING HIM! Why is he not getting that???? Why is this such an issue. Before I moved away to live with my bro for the summer, OEO' visitation were Wed nights 6-8:30 and every other Sat from 10-6. THere were no overnights, there was no me leaving my house. WTF!

Oh and I just want to vent about one other comment the messer-uper (mediator) had the nerve to say.....Well idey, at least he is paying you maintenance without a court order........um, he is? I get a whopping 200.00 a week to live off of for me and my son. So what if he is making the house payment, all be it not on time (still 2 months behind). And can we talk about how many times the utilities have been turned off? ARRGGG!!! Still, I can deal with the likes of her.

So, I got a responce from my lawyer and I feel much better today. Here are the questions I sent him with the answers:

I have changed the locks on the house so that he can not barge in when ever he feels like it. I did it to increase my sence of security. Do I have the right to do that? YES, BUT HE WON’T BE ARRESTED FOR TRESPASSING AS HE IS A JOINT OWNER. HE COULD BE ARRESTED FOR PEACE DISTURBANCE IF HE BREAKS BACK IN

Do I have to let him stay here for his visitations or is there a way to force him to stay away if it comes to that? THE COURT COULD ENTER AN ORDER EXCLUDING HIM FROM THE MARITAL HOME AFTER A HEARING

Is there a way to either force him to make the house payment of force him to let me take over paying the bills like it was before I filed for Divorce. Over the summer he locked me out of all utilities because I filed for the dissolution of marriage so I no longer have any control over the bills. YES, WE COULD FILE AND LITIGATE A TEMPORARY MOTION


If the house goes into foreclosure because of his maleous, could that effect his custody of OWen? NOT REALLY, UNLESS YOU MOVE INTO A HOMELESS SHELTER

If I decide to move out and have him start paying me my maintenance immediately so that he can live at the house, is there a way to have a contract drawn up that gaurentees that he will have to pay me my have of the equity, even if the house goes into foreclosure. NOT REALLY

Would a home equity contract be subject to getting wiped away if he filed for bankruptcy? If not and I am able to garnish his wages, would that mean that when he got his anual 20,000 bonus, half of it would come to me? YES IT WOULD. A PROPERTY SETTLEMENT AMOUNT CAN BE DISCHARGED IN BANKRUPTCY

Am I entitled to half of his bonus that he gets in March. We will not be divorced by that point yet. YES


I am still hoping that OEO will try and work things out through mediation. It is significantly cheaper than using lawyers. I dont want what little we have left to go to pay for lawyers. It is his call at this point. Lets hope he sees that fighting things out in court will only hurt Owen in the end.

So, I am sticking to my guns, continueing to stay dark and I am not going to let him step foot in my house after the first of the year. I still dont get why he is throwing such a tantrum on this. I think it is because he wants to be seen as a victum and this is the only thing he can make an issue about. Well, kick scream whine moan or do whatever you want......I am no longer listening and dont really care how you feel. It just sucks that I even had to address this drama he created. In time he will come to terms with the fact that this is just how it is going to be. Doesnt seem like there is anything he can do about it. I now know that I have a way to protect myself if he stops making payments or tries to pull the money again. <sigh> Man, they can sure get ugly cant they!

Please tell your brother you know he means well, but you have a lawyer to do the negotiating if the mediation process fails. He's simply to act as a filter for WH's malice and convey only the substance - "WH wants to see kids, xy date and time - pick up at such and such location" and for you - "x date will work, time at z time instead of y time; location ok"

No negotiating. No WH being able to get a zinger into you via brother via code. No No NO!!

HOW can you say that?

You're talking about an enlightened being (cue the harps) who rises above (cue the clouds parting and white doves soaring across a crystal blue sky) such low concerns such as money, child support, cancer, love and protection and keeping of vows.

this is exactly what my WH did in Plan A. I think our timeline is kind of similar. But I have been in plan B for about 8 mos.
I give you credit for going thru the mediation, I dont know if i will ever be ready for that. Sometimes I think I am just waiting for my WH to divorce ME, so I dont have to make the choice.

He kept telling me he was going to move into our basement so our son could see him anytime he wanted to. I said no way it would be torture for me. He said to stop worrying about myself and think of our son. You know WH talk. anyway I was in plan A and I thought things were going well and he suddenly announced that it was time for him to move downstairs. Itold him I would move me and our DS to my mothers house if he didnt leave. Well he left, because he has a brother with an empty condo, so he could move in there. Bachelor pad.

My WH also fought every step of the way. He said the NC w/ me was hurting our son. He said it was his house and he could go in it. So I would just hide in my room or go out when he was there. But now I figured why should i hide. I changed the locks. and he never said a word. He picks up my DS at the door.

Dont let your WH make you feel guilty about anything you are doing. He caused this not you. You dont want this, but you need to protect yourself. your child needs a mentally healthy mother, so do what it takes to keep yourself sane. Stay Strong.

Pepper, I love your responce. You made me laugh. You and I have very similar sinces of humor. And Still, thank you for sharing. It seems we are walking a very hard road. After OEO's actions lately, I am so ready to just get D and move on to a better place.

<Sigh> and <Sigh> once again. It probably is a good thing I dont own a gun because I would be tempted to use it about right now. OEO sent my bro a slew of emails today, telling him his anger over the outcome of mediation yesterday. He thought it was a complete waste of time and has no intention of going back because I was unbending. OEO has drawn a line in the sand and is now p!ssed. He got himself a lawyer and file a motion to have my petition for D dismissed because I no longer live in Columbia, MO. He is then going to file his own petition here in St. Louis and just let the L fight it out. He told my bro he is going to fight EVERYTHING......he is going to fight for full custody of our son and use my cancer and narcolepsy against me, he is going to fight over my request for indefinate maintenance, he is going to fight to get the child support lowered, he is going to fight to push me out of the house. It doesnt matter who is right or wrong, he just wanted me to know he was going to make my life a living h#ll.....um, I think you already accomplished that a little while ago. Now I dont let you effect me that much. The thing that really sucks about all of this is that he is going to take whatever paltry funds we barely have left and blow them on legal fees.

He says the only way he will not do this is if I go back to him staying at the house and me leaving. Is it worth over $10,000 in legale fees to have a few months of peace? It just shows me how far he is willing to go. I hate him, I truly do. If he were lying wounded on the side of the road and was begging me to help him, I would spit on him and walk away. That is the depth of anger I feel towards him. I was just trying to heal so that maybe, just maybe one day we could be able to talk again. Can he give me my peace....no f'ing way. It all has to be on his terms. So, I am not going to answer his request right now. I have consulted my L once again and am waiting to see what he has to say. I so dont want a battle but it seems he is gung ho for one. Isnt D tirering enough without all of this stupid drama.

I think I will have my bro email him a compromise. He can still come to the house on week nights and every other full weekend. That way I still have time here that is mine. I just dont want to roll over, yet I dont want to throw away the little money we have left. I am just trying to help build a better future for my son and he is trying to tear everything apart for his own selfish since of justice. What a f'ing @sshole. God, sometimes I truly just wish he would die! See why I wanted some distance to heal????? I dont want to feel this way!

Any suggestions on what I should do would be very helpful. Thank you all once again for helping me through this ugliness.

Do not cave without your lawyer's advice.

To my thinking OEO is bluffing BIG TIME.

How can he use the cancer against you? It would terribly backfire - no judge in the world is going to be sympathetic to a b*st*rd who leaves his wife for another woman at the timing he had.

Bluffing, me thinks. Talk with your lawyer.

Hey Kay, thanks for the reply. I thought he might be bluffing as well but then I saw the money was taken from the joint account to pay for a L. I dont think he is anymore.

I dont think he can use my cancer against me, but he might be able to use my narcolepsy against me. IE....she shouldnt have custody because she shouldnt drive. She might fall asleep and endanger our son. ALthough nothing like this has EVER happend. In fact, he is the one with the really bad driving record. Right now we have agreed that our son will be with OEO Wed and every other weekend. He could push for a complete 50/50 if he wants as well, even though we BOTH agreed that we didnt think it was a healthy solution for our son. I get the impression that he just wants to fight everything out of spite.

I am responding to any of his threats today. He can wait a bit before I make a reply. I am waiting to hear what my L has to say. If it werent so dang expensive, I would just let the L's fight it out so that I did not have to be involved in this mess!

Heard back from my L's office today. They wanted to know if I wanted to have the petition dismissed. I said no, that I like my L and that he was significantly cheaper than anyone I could get down here. They said that the next step was that a motion would be filed but nothing was going to happen until the end of January because the docit was full. So, I know I have a bit of time before any legal action occurs. Maybe OEO will cool off by then.

I have been thinking that maybe I should just give in to some degree in order to make this divorce go quicker and more peacefully. I will insist on some terms though.....I will allow him to continue to have his visitation here at the house if he hands control on paying the bills back over to me. I will be willing to allow him every other month to do his full weekends here. We are talking about only a handful of times and it is not worth the legal fees to stand my ground on this one.

I believe it will show some good faith on my part and that I am not trying to be spiteful, just trying to have healing space. He is too focused on his MEMEMEMEME mentality to even see the reasoning behind my NC. Hey, if he wants me to hate him from here on out, he sure is getting his wish. I will not send the email until next week though. He can sit a stew for awhile.

He has just blown $500.00 on a stupid L to get my petition dismissed. He is robbing from his son's security just to have this stupid tantrum. God I really hate him. Where is that peaceful soul that OEO keeps claiming to have (that was sarcasim).

Ok, none of you are going to like what I am about to say. In theory I completely agree with everything each one of you has posted. I want the F'er as far from my life as possible. I want the drama to stop. Here is the thing, he knows my one weakness....it is money. I grew up poor and I have carried around that fear that there just wasnt going to be enough money for as long as I can remember. That is why I kept sacrificing things that I needed, like clothes and underware and doctor visits, because the fear of being poor again kept me from spending. OEO never lived with that fear. He grew up with a mother who gave him everything he wanted, even when it put her so far in debt that she almost declared bankruptcy. Luckily she had a wealthy mother who continued to bail her out. So, as a result OEO would spend and spend on himself while I sacrificed and sacrificed. This was a continuing argument between us through out our entire M. Now he is continuing to act in the same manner when it comes to the D. He does not care how much it is going to cost because it is only money and more will come somehow, someway. What he doesnt realize is that in the past I was the one that made more come due to my diligence and hard work.

Now that I have given you some background, I am TERRIFIED, completely TERRIFIED that he is going to wipe us completely out because he has no common sense. I will lose my home, have no money for a deposit on an apartemnt and will not be able to pay my bills or son's bills. My son NEEDS braces RIGHT NOW but I have to wait until the house sells before he can get them. It makes me feel awful that he has to wait for something he needs.

So, after doing alot of thinking, I am willing to cave. I am going to give in and let him come back into the home. After all, it is only going to be for a few months and then hopefully the D will be final. He will have his place, I will have my place and I will never have to talk to the b@stard again. I will be able to find peace then. Here is the email I am thinking of sending him tomorrow:

OEO,


Once again we find ourselves on the edge of plunging into an ugly divorce battle. Once again I want to reiterate that this is not the path I want to take. I want nothing more than to dissolve our marriage as amicably as possible. I believe we need to focus on how to create the best future for our son, and that includes having the most financial stability available to each of us. Using lawyers to fight things out accomplishes none of these goals.


I want you to know that I want nothing more than to be able to co-parent with you directly in the future, I am just not at that place yet. Establishing no contact has been my attempt at making this happen. Stepping away from you and cutting off contact was not done out of spite or to punish you in anyway. It was done as a way to have some time with coming to peace and healing.


I was not trying to draw a line in the sand or push you to desperate measures. That was never my intent. Here is what I am proposing:


1. I am not going to be able to leave the house on Christmas day because I have no where to go with the exception of Tom’s birthday party for a few hours. I will have spent the holiday with my family, and I don’t think it is asking too much for you to do the same with yours. If you want to keep S overnight, a hotel is still an option. S loved it last time and thought it was really cool.


2. You will still continue to do your week night visitations with S at the home. That way you can still tuck him into bed at night.


3. The Saturday visit that is not an overnight visit is still to be outside of the home.


4. The full weekend visitation is alternated with one month you get to stay here and one month I get to stay here. I believe that is being very fair and still allowing me to have some space. So, your Jan weekend visitation can be here at the house, but your Feb visitation should be at a hotel or your friend’s or family’s place.


5. I will work at getting the house sold as quickly as possible. I was originally intending on placing it on the market March 15th, but am willing to move it up to listing on Feb 15th. I will do nothing that will drag out the sale of the house. I will work to having it sold as quickly as possible.


Here is what I ask for in return. That we continue the process of mediation as agreed to before. We both understand that there will be times that are frustrating but neither on of us is out to get the other one. I am only interested in coming to a fair and quick agreement and am willing to compromise. I think that this email proves that I am trying to be reasonable and open to negotiations.


Second, I want to take over paying the bills. All I ask is that I have the passwords to the utilities and that I am the one to make the house payment. I will NOT change any passwords and will leave everything transparent.


I am trying to offer you an olive branch so that things can get back on track and not end in an ugly manner. If you decided to get lawyers and let them fight it out, not only will it drain the meager funds that we have left, it will also drag out when the divorce is final. Each issue will result in a court appearance and it could take up to years and tens of thousands of dollars that neither one of us have. At least through mediation, even if we don’t come to an agreement on an issue in one meeting, we have time between sessions to think about a SOLUTION and are able to come back to the table with a compromise. It is still significantly less expensive than lawyers. I don’t want this to drag out for years and drain what little money there is left. If there is no money left, I can not afford to live in this area and would have to then see where I could afford to live. Again, this would only serve to punish S. He would be forced to meet new kids and become use to another school once again. You have already seen how difficult that process has been on him. The only way S will be able to remain in his school district is for me to be able to pay off some of my debt. Otherwise my monthly expenses will not allow me to afford any kind of apartment in this area or surrounding areas. We would probably be forced to live in ---- County and that is too far for him to be able to continue to attend this school district.

Please let Jeff know your decision by the end of the day so that I can notify my lawyer on how to proceed. If he does not hear from you, the I will take it that you no longer are interested in pursuing mediation and are wanting to use lawyers.

What do you guys think? I truly want to avoid lawyers if at all possible and if giving in on this makes that happen, then I will f'ing give in. One good thing that has come from this......he has pushed me so far now that I am actually looking forward to divorcing his @ss. It is no longer painful and I am no longer sad. I can still remeber the good aspects of our M, but know that we are no longer meant to be together. It is a relief to finally be at that point.

I made a decision and I dont know if it is the right one. I would sure like some advice if anyone is reading.

I have agreed to give into OEO's demands and let him back into the house, but ONLY if he agrees to my demands....that I am the one who pays the bills in order to ensure house does not go into foreclosure, that he signs a contract that states neither one of us will take funds from the bank account without both agreeing, that we both agree to go to mediation and try to come to terms in a reasonable amount of time and that no legal acction will be taken while in mediation. If the terms of the contract are broken then the one breaking the terms will be responsible for all legal fees and paying a fine to the other person.

I am just trying to find peace and do the right thing. The NC is helping and I can feel some of the hate I have changing into indifference. It is nice to have some of that anger leave.

Please any advice would be helpful.

It's better than unconditional surrender...

Who is writing up the contract? Insist on a notary (or similar) to "formalize" the contract; make an appointment with him so you both have to sign in front of the notary.

What terms do you want while he is in the house, vis-a-vis his interaction with you? Can you put something in the contract that specifies civil, non-abusive behavior, and that gives you the absolute, unilateral right to throw him back out again if he becomes emotionally abusive?

Have you established a checking account under your name only yet?

Will there be anything in the contract specifying that you control the joint account, or only that you are paying the bills? (i.e., signing the checks and getting bills paid on time)

Still think this is very risky for you emotionally.

Ok. I just wanted to post an update and hope to get some advice.
I wrote up a contract that I had my D Lawyer read over to make sure it was sound. He has given me the a-ok on it. OEO filed a motion to have my petition to Divorce dismissed....if that happens then I lose my L retainer because I will have to get a new L here where I live. My bro told me that OEO is not only angry, but very paranoid. He said that he is VERY paranoid.....I dont know why.

I had a discussion with my son's IC and he said for the health of my son, OEO should not be allowed in the house. He said that every time "dad" puts him to bed here, it brings up feelings of abandonment and makes him go through withdrawl. I said that ths is what I was seeing as well. I have asked the IC to email OEO and tell him that he did not feel like it was healthy for him to be in MY home anymore. We will see how he responds. I expect that he will turn against him because now I have biased him to my side......whatever.

I had a conversation with my brother about being my IM and how I didnt really want him to be my mediator. He said if it wasnt for him trying to smooth things over, we would be fighting things out in court. Part of me feels like so what. We have limited funds and only so much that can be fought over. I mean, if OEO thinks he can actually get full custody of our son he is fooling himself. Even my son's IC said that he was making a mistake if he thought he could fight me for full custody. At this point in time I have been beaten down so much that I am no longer affraid of anything. OEO keeps taking money he is not suppose to, is refusing to make the house payment and has now resorted to filing stupid legal motions. WHat should I be affraid of.

I tried to explain to my bro that this is OEO's decision, not mine, but he kept saying that how I react to OEO can determine how things turn out. He wants me to play nice so that I can get through the D quickly and with the least amount of pain. What he doesnt get is that by giving into OEO I am giving him power over me, power to bully me to do whatever he wants to do. My bro refuses to just filter things between us, he wants to try and negotiate things out for us. Should I continue to let him do this or should I get a new IM? I know he is just trying to help me as much as possible, does that mean trying to smooth things out? His comment was if he just filterd everything down to the most basic of request then the mistrust and paranoia that OEO is feeling would grow and he would become very vindictive and financially wipe us out just to try and make a point. My bro doesnt want that so is just trying to help me out and make things better. I dont know.....is this what he should be doing or should I just say forget it and let the courts decide?

OEO is in the "Give me an inch and I'll take you down a thousand mile road of humiliation" camp.

Keep this in mind during present and future negotiations.

I don't know........ When you are limited in funds, it is often better to agree to a settlement. I went through a horrible divorce with my sons' father. He was abusive and an alcoholic. It cost me $15,000. just to get sole custody. I ended up with all of the bills, and no child support (ex claimed he was "disabled").

When court dates came up, his attorney stalled, and I had to pay for mine to show up. It was awful. My ex paid his attorney over $20,000. and that was almost 20 years ago. The attorneys ended up with everything.

Thank you believer and pepper for sticking with me. Sometimes I feel so alone in this. Lets face it, unless you have been here yourself, you can not truly understand the depth of pain and betrayal, all while still wanting what you once had.

So, here is an update on what has happend. After Christmas things were quite for a bit. I then left on New Years Eve to go to a friends house for the weekend. OEO stayed in the home with my son....I still HATE this arrangment. On Sat while I was driving back, OEO sent me a txt message telling me I could come home early, he was going to have son out of the house for the remainder of the visit. I get home about an hour early and find OEO left me a 2 page letter. I spiraled into anger and hurt and rage and, well, so many different emotions. I felt like he violated my space. In the letter he goes on and on about how I have made sigle sided decisions and that he can no longer trust me and I have backed him into a corner, blah blah blah. It was all self rightous spew that he was throwing my way. I could not even understand the point of it.

He said that he felt like letting the court system work things out in one sentence then said that I needed to prove to him through actions that we could mediate things out. I took it to my neighbors house and we were both scratching our heads goig "What????" At 6pm I look out the window to see if my son is back yet and they pull up. I left a note inside telling my son to come to the neighbors house. I am so glad I was there because OEO WALKED INTO MY HOUSE! I think he was wanting to get some face time with me. I am not going to let that happen anytime soon.

So, I felt the emotions from the letter and then let it go. It is him projecting on to me the depths of his deciet. It is him trying to bully me into doing what he wants to do. It had nothing to do with me really. Never did he accept any kind of accountability in the letter. Here is the crazy part, mixed in with all of his spew were messages of peace and happiness for me. If I wasnt the one living this I would have been laughing at the insanity.

So, we have been going back and forth through my brother negotiating the terms of mediation contract. It has been tirering and frusterating. If I sign this document I am ensuring that he still get to come into my home every week until we sell the house. I have been told this is not mentally healthy for our son and I know it is not healthy for myself. I have finally decided that I am no longer going to go that route, I am going to let the lawyers work it out (but first OEO has to hire one which means he will stop making the house payment to do it). If this wasnt affecting my son in a negative way as well I would deal with it, but since it is, it has to be a battle that I am willing to fight.

The other thing that he kept saying in his letter over and over again is that becuase I have gone NC it has put him on the defensive and he feels like I am out to crush him and he cant understand how this is me trying to find peace and on and on. I know that my NC is making him paranoid, yet I dont know why. Guess his ugly little head is thinking up all of these scheming senerios that I am doing when in reality I am just trying to heal my heart.

If you've truly gone NC, why did you read his letter?

I'm assuming you're in Plan B? If so, the ONLY contact you should be having with your WS is through an intermediary, and even so, the contact should be very restricted to only what's necessary, e.g. custody arrangements, bills, etc.

That letter should have been (1) put in the bin, (2) returned to him, unopened, or (3) handed to your intermediary to read and pass on just the necessary info to you.

If you're truly in Plan B, stop falling for your WS' contact-bait.

Thanks MIM, yes I know I should not have read the letter, but I am only human and curious just the same. My bro is my intermediary and has taken on the role of trying to mediate things between us. OEO is using my bro to continue to get his fix and I have to stop that. In order to get my bro from being in the middle, I have to change the way we are doing things. I have made the decison that true mediation is just not going to work between us. THere is too much mistrust and underhanded behavior on his part. I am ready to hand everything over to the lawyers. It will bring me more peace knowing that I am being taken care of by a professional. Yes it will cost more, but in the end I believe it is worth it.

I am trying to do the best NC that I can. I have never been in this situation and have tried to remove myself as much as possible. I am working on getting him banned from the house, but until that happens, my hands are tied. I have changed to locks and do not let him see me or talk to me on the nights he comes here for visitation. Hopefully, by next week things will be getting straightend out. We will see.