Someone gave me a few lines about entitlement in the minds of wayward spouses. It was interesting. Just wondering if y'all had more info about it or can you expound on your thoughts on entitlement in relation to all of us BS's.

When I heard about the entitlement issue it gave me more strength for my PB just knowing my WS is thinking he has entitlement over me and he can behave this way because he is entitled to...ick!

Also are most affairs, narcissistic in nature. Does an affair mean your spouse has a level of narcissism?

Just wondering.....

I would think that you would have to be narcisstic and feel entitled if you leave your family for OP. Otherwise I would think if there was something wrong in the marriage wouldnt they have tried to address it to th BS first? instead they just decide the BS as written off without even letting BS know. they just lie and cheat and move on because they feel entitled in some way.

Like you (BS) werent making me happy, you(BS) werent perfect, so now I can find someone who will and just throw you away like trash (and dance and stomp on you after.)

On another thread i was talking about my WS apologies I have more too these were text messages:

"I am sorry how i handled the situation that WE put ourselves in"

"i am sorry for the way things happened"

"i am sorry that WE failed him (DS). but WE can make it as best we can for him , but YOU dont want to be adult about it & take any responsibility for how all this happened. YOU only want to
blame me for the affair, Iknow the truth in my heart."

" im sorry about the things that happened that made things the way they are now. this isnt how i wanted my life to be. but i cant change the PAST."


How about just saying "Im sorry". my WH takes NO responsibility for HIS affair. Or for the way he treated me after I found out. Its all WE,WE,WE or YOU,YOU,YOU. He cant change the past, yeah well no kidding how about working on a better future for our family.

I take responsibily for things that made our marriage not perfect, but not for HIS affair. Cheating didnt even cross my mind. I was too busy taking care of our DS and dealing with chronic depression. while he was spending all his time and energy on wooing OW, instead of spending it talking to me at all.


I think he is the definition of a narcissist



JMHO

I think the root of the WS entitlement is their working definition of "love"

for the waywards -> love = how another person makes me feel
love is NOT defined by how I treat another person

that sense of entitlement is wrapped around this adolescent definition of what love means

Lildoggie shared this with me, its pretty good....

There's a formula I share from a great MB poster named Gimble:

An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.

I call it a formula because it's true that a spouse can get "foggy" from this formula without actually being in an affair with a person--it's when the partner creates and nourishes their own resentment into entitlement...you'll hear "I want to be happy" as a goal, for instance. The resentment along blocks out sharing their stuff (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, perceptions and perspective) with you.

T2,

My usual line is that

"any WS is a self centered selfish individual that is selfishly looking for their own self-gratification"

They put THEMSELVES above all others. What THEY want to make THEM happy. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

So if narcissism means self-centered selfishness, then yes.

IMHO

kirk

The way I think about entitlement is "expecting proportionally more than you have earned."

Pepperband, you have really got me thinking here. This IS exactly how I think my H thinks. Even recently, I suggested to him that he does not seem to care if I love HIM, he only seems to care if he loves ME.

You put into words what I think the problem is.

Thank you. Not sure where I will go with this new understanding, but it is a relief to know that what I think I see is a real thing.

Blessings,