Please help me. I left the OP four days ago and every moment is torture. I want to be successful and I need help desperatly
Waiting

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I'm so glad you found us.

If you continue reading and posting here, we can help you.

When you have no contact with the OP, it is very hard. But if you continue having NC it will get easier.

Can you tell us more about your situation?

Welcome to MB,

More info is really necessary to help you.

Married?

How long?

Kids & ages?

When did your affair begin and how did it end?

Any thing else relevant?

Im going to bump this , sounds like she could use some help from FWs

How did you usually contact the OP?
When did you usually contact the OP?

That information will help us come up with ideas of how to make contact more difficult, and also with new behaviors you can put in place of contact, so that you develop new habits.

I know it's hard, and painful. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Are you married?
Does your spouse know about the affair?

Yes I am married and my husband has been on this site for six months. He is being supportive and I am so lucky.
Contact was made by phone, email, and in person at school.
Please help me with some stratagies. I am going to a girlfriends house to keep away from the phone and she is always supportive. My husband was with me today and that helped.
Any more advice?

Do you still go to school w/ OM? If so, you need to go somewhere else to avoid chance contact.

Other ideas?

Change all your personal contact info (phone number, email, etc).

Get rid of all contact info and items that remind you of OM.

If you can't avoid contacting OM, cut off your phone and email for a while, or get software to block contacting OM, and get your husband to block OM's number. There is a way to keep you from calling certain numbers.

Call a friend or your husband whenever you get the urge to contact OM.

Do not contact OM at all, the longer you go without contacting him, the better you will feel.

Post on here and journal your thoughts.

good post Jim

Sorry that you need to be here, but really, there is no better place. Let’s get to work.

So, you find yourself embroiled in an affair. Well, that makes you no different than many here. Your first post is the toughest. It is also the bravest. Your plea for help will provide you with the strategies that you seek from a host of kind folks who have walked in your shoes. The operative phrase, your mantra so to speak is very simple, “NO CONTACT”. If you desire to save your marriage then you must fully remove yourself from your affair partner. “NO CONTACT”. It is the first step in a long line of steps that you will take on the path back to restoring your marriage. You see all is not lost. You still have time; you still have opportunity, if you maintain, “NO CONTACT”.

As others have already mentioned it helps folks doling out advice to have a bit of your background to make that advice better tailored to fit your particular circumstances. For instance, the presence of children is an important dynamic. The length of your affair (I presume that since your husband has been here for over six months that your affair has lasted at least that long). It also helps to know the reason why you took this horrific step to have an affair. The fact that you find yourself asking for help is a sign that shows that you are absorbing just how damaging an act of infidelity can be.

You will learn a great deal about yourself in the coming weeks. I hope that you continue to post and seek advice. You will become a better person for it, no matter how your marriage turns out.

For now, the best thing that you can do is to maintain, “NO CONTACT”. Inch by inch, step by step your feelings for the other person will begin to dissipate. It often times takes several weeks for that to happen so it requires that you be brave during this time.

The definition of “NO CONTACT” is as follows, no emails, no pictures, no far away sightings, no phone calls. Provide your husband with the gift of safety. This gift is the conscious decision on your part to remain fully transparent with him, give full access to all your passwords, cell phone, etc. It requires that you keep in contact with him throughout the day, letting him know what you’re thinking, where you are and where you are going. It gives him the ability to breathe a bit easier, something he likely has not done in a while. If you do this, you might find that you are beginning to feel a little bit better about yourself. There is pride in doing the right thing. Go get a little for yourself.

Always remember, even a good person can make a mistake. What matters most is how you rebuild yourself to become better for it. It can be done; it is done every day here by folks with much less courage than you.

Mr. G

Who is your husband? Does he have a thread? Usually when a couple posts, it best if he stays off your thread and you stay off of his. If he doesn't post, he probably should so we can help him too.

Even in the best marriage on Earth, one spouse could handle four days away from the other.

What are you, twelve years old? Grow up.

bump

bump

marryK,

What is your relationship with kendalanna? Honestly you sound like the same person.

oh boy I had posted on here befor to get some advise and didnt want her to know about it so I changed my screen name to marrK, Guess I ought to get around to changing it back to Bob, but anyway kendalanna is my ww, She is trying to go NC with OM but the withdrawl is so fri*&ing hard on her and me . Iv never seen her so ICE COLD. She broke NC once But he called her a bounch of times and she picked up the phone , She gave him a pretty good as& chewing and told him to not contact her again. I frankly cant put much stock in that right now . about the best I get out of her when I ask about NC is a " I dont plan to"