I too think she's building a case. Why not respond to her email/txt etc. next time with this, "A wife who loves her husband does not allow a third person in the marriage. I would appreciate it if you would stop with your emails/texts until this third person is gone." That way you have put it in writing WHY her texts/emails are bogus and unbelievable.

If she is building a case, you might carry around a hidden voice-activated recorder in case she goes off and tries to accuse you of abuse or worse to get you thrown out of the marital home and to win custody.

I do not know what she is doing, but I am documenting everything that she does. Every email, message, txt. I keep all of the emails. I have already filed and will be leaving the home when I am told it is OK for me to do.

Just to be clear, Hogfan, you are done with this marriage, correct? Don't worry - it's a perfectly acceptable choice to make in your position. It's what I did. I'm just clarifying it because the advice people give you could change somewhat - rather than aiming at recovering your marriage we can focus on getting the best divorce settlement possible.

Yeah, somehow I missed that part, that you have no plans to stay married. So you're just doing this to get custody? Or what?

Oh, hon...

My fwh waffled so much he still has the iron marks on the backs of his legs. I have to shoo the leggo of my eggo people away when he sunbathes cos they think he's an escapee from their R&D department.

Yes, I am done. I tried to save this marriage for a long time. I tried counseling which was going well. Great counselor. WW got "tired" of going in her words. So she quit for the second time. First sign of OM2. 1 week later starts txtng OM2. Do I want a divorce of course not, but I am no longer going to live my life this way. I have tried to support, provide, and love her with everything I had and in the end it was not good enough. I believe some of the other posters that she wants what I give her support, doing things around the house, providing, etc., etc., but she also wants the thrill of doing what she want to do when she wants to do it and with whoever she chooses. Like partying all of the time. I do not believe that is the way a marriage is supposed to work. I believe in spending time with my significant other and my family. I have always put her and my kids first. she has become so selfish and self centered. The strange thing she is the one that asked me for another chance and she took advantage of that chance. I have told her to quit txtng OM, I have exposed, I have told her that the third party has ruined our marriage and all I get in response is we are just friends or I am the one that is letting OM come between us. Yeah we have had our arguements about OM1 and OM2, and I can take some blame for that. The anger and the hurt for me has been unbearable. I have been going through this for over a year. Also there is the fact that she is gone al the time on the weekends shopping. It has gotten to a point that my girls alwasy ask me on Friday if they can stay with me because they are tired of shopping all of the time. Last year a couple of months after OM1 we bought a new camper. She and all of us always enjoyed going camping. We would be gone every other weekend. We have used that camper 2 times. She is no longer interested in family outings. I do not feel like I have any other choice but to do what I did. It still makes no sense to me why al of the notes, messages, emails. I will never understand all of that. If it is not sincere then why do it. For the last 6 months I have been doing those things for her because that is who I am, and it was all sincere on my part. But now that I have backed way off she wants to do more of it? It all confuses me. She wants to go to dinner tonight. What do I do?

No I filed to get out of this horrible situation that I am in.

Well, you ask her if she's stopped texting OM.

If she hasn't, then you don't have time for her "dinner."

This is a great idea. In fact, use this response to her for everything. If and when she does blow a gasket over it, especially if she uses the "just friends" excuse, tell her that sorry, marriage for you is between 2 people only and you will not participate in a 3-person marriage.

I do not want to get into another sitch like last night. If I ask her about OM she will jsut lie or say we are just "friends", or I am not having an affair. I am so sick of hearing that bulls@#$. I don't know why she asked me to go to dinner. I don't know why she left me a message at lunch. It is like she is turning up her efforts. Some days I jsut wish she would leave me the he77 alone. The big thing is I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THIS NEW YEARS PARTY and have to hold up a stumbling drunk like I did last time. Even though these are old college friends, I can not believe that at 40 she got like that last time. So I can only imagine how she got around OM last Friday and what all went on.

I think I will start using that, and then just walk away. I also thought about using the swinger comment. I am not a swinger if you want to be one go ahead. If she aske me about this party again I am going to say why don't you just take "John" since you are such good friends. Would that be a good idea or bad?

Say the line and walk away. Don't tell her to bring John. It's just bait for an argument. Just stick to the line and refuse to talk about anything else until she agrees to NC.

OK, hf ... this is the tough part ... you've made your decision ... Plan D ... and IMHO, its the right decision.

For whatever reason, your attorney can't get the suit filed for another couple of weeks, and although I tried last week to get you to lean on your attorney to get it filed quicker ... you said you could handle it ... that you've put up with this for over a year so what's another couple of weeks ... those were your words.

So hunker down and endure this time in limboland.

If your WW wants to go to the party ... tell her to go and have a good time, you and the kids are doing something else.

Keep FOCUSED ... at this point, you really want her to mess up some more to help your custody chances. Maybe she'll get drunk again and find OM3 and make a spectacle of herself in front of witnesses.

Time to FULLY detach from WW ... be pleasant around her ... don't tip your hand at this crucial point. At this point, there's really no need to even bring up the A ... let her THINK that you've swept it under the rug. Maybe she'll get real sloppy and give you some more ammunition.

Once you've made that decision to end it ... don't mess around ... PLAY TO WIN!!!

What is the status of the serving of the divorce papers??

Maybe you can find out what time she is leaving, and if she is drunk anonymously call the police. Hey, you're just friends! Plus, you would not want her to kill anyone else in an accident or your children to be motherless.

hf,

If she drives herself to the party can you follow her and call the police? Ideally it would be better if she was DUI and without a license but you can still get her in trouble for driving with a suspended license and w/o insurance. Driving w/ a suspended license shows the court she doesn't care what they say and is giving them the finger and her suspension could be extended or her license revoked all together. That will make it hard for custody purposes if she can't provide transportation for her children if needed.

ETA: Driving w/ a suspended license is usually a misdemeanor but it can be a felony if the original suspension was due to DUI.

Yeah, a DWI will make it harder for her to try to get custody. fwiw, doing this is NOT being vindictive - it is protecting your children from living with a woman who choses partying over raising children.

I understand calling the police, but would that be a set up or entrapment. I do not want to do anything to damage my reputation or my case.

Entrapment is when YOU set the stage to catch her at something.

You DID NOT invite her to the party.

You DID NOT give her the car keys.

You DID NOT give her the liquor that will make her drunk.

You DID NOT choose FOR HER to drink.

All of those decisions she (will do) herself.



All you did (will do) was call - as ANY concerned citizen might do.

No. One, you are not a LEO or agent so it's not entrapment and she has been and plans to continue driving anyway correct?

You confuse me. You think reporting her for breaking the law is wrong yet you worry about others suing you in court for various things while you expose? You do realize if you WW ever hit someone while driving with a suspended license or with a DUI they could sue your butt off especially now that you have no insurance. That's just money. God forbid if she actually injured or killed an innocent person, even your own children, as she has no business driving the streets.