THank you Bugs! Hi Sadmo! I'm branching out! It was cool, I did have some old feelings come up about it but it was good overall!

Nothing to report today! Busy at work, my friend's still here! I think that her and the boys had a good day...I got home and I had two flower pots with flowers in them and a card.

She wrote: "Thank you for all that you do!You give me hope that things do get better and that I can take things one step at a time to slowly heal. You are an amazing example!"

Such a wonderful things to come home too, huh? SHe doesn't realize how awesome she is just like so many others here!

HI all! I hope that you all had a great New Year's!

I am proud to announce that I didn't tlak to XWH or spend anytime with him over the holidays! I feel like that's a great accomplishment! Basically, I'd rather spent it alone, vomiting my guts up from the flu or worst than spent time with him...that may sound bad to some but that's GREAT!!! I'm breaking that need to "be" (whatever it was) around him...believe him, whatever it was that would cause me to agree to spend time with him here and there...

It was a tough year but I made it! I rang in the new year at a party with my friends and family...three hours from home! It was at a friend of the family's house and I was VERY happy to see this one guy! I even expressed my interest to some family members about him and then it was announced to me that my sister had slept with him...so that ended that! My sister is a wayward, drug & alcohol abusing serial cheater! MOF, I learned that she cheated with him on her present BF. So, He's COMPLETELY OFF limits and there went anything that I felt for him over the years. I had never mentioned it to anyone until that day! It was a big disappointment...he's 44 and she's 27!

So, it was on my heart pretty heavy, so Friday morning I sneak off to his house and told him that I was there to get something off my chest...that I had liked him for years and was excited to see him Wednesday night but that I expressed my interest and had learned what they had been up too...he said that he didn't know what to say and I said that he didn't have to say anything...he told me that my sister would never have a place in his house and that he wasn't trying to change my mind...

He talked a little longer and it came to him asking me something and my response was that this past year was a learning experience for me it that I've had to learn to draw that hard line in the sand and learn not to cross it myself...it went well and I felt so much better when I walked out the door...

So, New Year's Day I was speaking my truth, and sticking to it...from there the kids and I traveld to Houston to visit a friend of mine...which was great and if he didn't live so far away there MAY be something between us...Saturday we brought the kids to the Space Center in Houston, which THEY LOVED!!! I ahve tons of pictures that I need to post.

We got home last night.

I'm feeling pretty good...no one really on the horizon (I am talking to someone local but I just don't see it from talking to him over the phone) "BUT" I ended 08 and began 09 with some great stuff...no communication with XWH until last nite and that was only because I got a letter in the mail about him being SOOOO late on the Harley!

I was with friends and family...stood my ground, drew some lines in the sand...enjoyed my kids, blew up TONS of fireworks...laughed with the kids...Loved driving my car! GOt to play with a Porche 911 in Houston! WOW BABY!! We knew we couldn't keep up but BOY WAS IT FUN TRYING!!! NASA WAS SO COOL!!!! After to go back soon to see everything we missed! LOL

OH TODAY!!! Those friends that I invited over to play games with asked when we were doing that again...so this Sunday, I'm having them all over again and I'm going to try to invite some more ppl, perhaps do some cooking, and stuff...I was rather excited...they want to come back to MY house! SWEET!

Rin,

So glad to hear you enjoyed your holidays!

I am very glad to know you didn't cave to spending time with or speaking with the Ex. You need to have your own new holiday events/traditions and it sounds like you did a fine job this time around!

I am a bit curious though about something? This guy who had the A with your sister. Why if no one knew of your interest in him (including him), did you feel compelled to go to his house and speak to him about it?

Don't get me wrong. I am oh so proud of you standing your ground on your principles,,,,keeping your lines drawn in the sand. However no one in this case was trying to cross those lines except maybe YOU.

Did you think that by talking to him that he was going to be able to say anything different than what you had heard that might give you a reason that you could change your mind about your 'line in the sand'?

I'm not judging,,,,,just asking so that I can understand & to be sure that you understand your motivations in having that conversation. Ok?

Welcome to 2009! I know it's going to be a great year for you!

Because I was SOOOO disappointed and hurt! I had to hear it for myself. I had thought about just going about my business and never saying a word but I couldn't keep my mouth shout on that one.

Definitly an emotional reaction! I have never had any kind of problems with my sister being that I didn't grow up with her and we live three hours apart.

NO, it was more like "I can't believe you touched her, of all ppl and you are NOT who I thought you were!" We spent alot of time talking Wed. night at his house for the party! There was nothing that he could have said at that point to change my mind, he willingly cheated with her! THen, Thursday he spent alot of time at my Aunt's house. When I left early that night, it was like he was disappointed too. I didn't even hug him like I normally do! Guess I needed to explain the switch in me!

Perhaps it was a bad idea to speak my peace at that point, idk!

He's 44 and what I thought was a good guy! Could have made the movie "The 40 year old Virgin!" LMAO...

I had brought a friend of mine with me and her little boy and I kept telling her "WOW, I'm SOOO disapointed!"

09 will be a great year! 9 is my favorite number...I was born on the 9th, lol, so I have it in my mind that THIS year will be my YEAR! Let the learning experiences roll right on in!

not to mention you're about as tall as a 9 year old and aren't you turning 39 this year? wait....no...39's the page your thread will be on by the time your finished beating me

just kidding Rin.

I'm sure for your Bday you'll be dressed to the 9's! and don't skimp on your party, Go the whole 9 yards!!

Now if ya'll will excuse me. I need to run for my life



:happyhanukkah:

I have plenty of free time to kick ur assets to cloud 9!

You aren't that far away Mister MAN!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Good thing I am a long way away.

I was just thinking about you and a box that I was concerned about...being that I was not here for the holidays...

But I figured you would be asking me about it...

I can come up there soon enough! :twobyfour:

WEll, I just got a wonderful letter in the mail from my lawyer. Apparently I had a court date set for today for a Rule to Reduce CS; however, due to the late service and our inability to prepare, the hearing will be continued to a later date!


The only amount for me that has changed was the $200 increase from one job to my present and the Christmas bonus that I just received after he lose his job of $1500.

POWS is suppose to pay me $1070 a month and is presently behind about $1535 as of the first with another $535 due on the 15th!

Presently I can't claim the kids on my taxes as dependents, which I will be asking for with the new sitch!

I have no clue what (e) could be referring too!

Has anyone else dealt with this?

Hoping PM will stop by!

HI all! Well, I'm still feeling some anxiety over this! I think that he has made alot of assumptions becasue I changed jobs and was temperarily promoted to Acting Director that I've had a major change in my fin. sitch.

I am due for a raise at work, but I'm not sure when that will be coming...to me it appears that he's just trying to get out of paying CS...I think that's why the court date was set so quickly...they just thought that we would bent over and go OKay!

As far today, I'm going cut the grass and clean up for tomorrow get together here! I invited a lot more ppl this this... We are playing some board games, cooking and probably drinking a little bit!

I got the time to take the Christmas tree down this morning and plan to pick up all of my decorations today. More than likely, rearrange the furniture in the living room! I changed it around after we moved in and it's time for a change with that also.

Also have to bring OS's friend back home today. He's been wanting to have a sleepover, but this friend is at his dad's or OS is with POWS when we have tried to arrange it!

We stayed up til after midnight playing the xbox! I was really tired by the time I hit bed and then WORK called me this morning a few minutes after nine! I'm about tired of that too! I mean I'm not the director anymore and I'm still getting calls! In a way it's cool, but more so it's not! When I leave that place, I want to leave it ALL there!

Rin!!!
I KNOW what you mean about work calling early in the morning... I got a call at 3:45 am... wanted to strangle them, I had to be there at 7 am., with an hour commute.... then, when I got home, I did not have grass to cut, I had a HUGE driveway to shovel! I am SOOOOoo tired, but I just got the kids to bed, and I NEED some delirious ME time. Off to a LONG hot soak in the tub in a minute!

Have you heard from POSOM lately? I think that you should rush this along (the CS hearing) AND, since he IS behind, I would DEFINITELY push the issue on who claims the kids on taxes....

I am glad that you are not so ensnared in his "charms" any longer!

TTYL
MO

Hi Rin,

Babe, I'm sorry for the legal hassles again. I have no notion of how to help you, but I certainly am praying and asking G-d to help you.

I worked really hard at my sponsors today, working through some deep stuff. One of the things really coming up is my fear, and the prayer she kept repeating to me was...

G-d please remove my fears and direct my attention to what you would have me be. So, I'm going to try this with you.

G-d, please remove my fear of struggling with finances and direct my attention to the person of sound finances that you want me to be. Try that....

HI Mo, No I haven't heard from POWS...the last time that I talked to him was becasue the kids had a qiestion about whether he would keep them the extra two days off that they have from school, starting this Friday...I dialed the number and gave the phone to them...

He said that he wasn't sure that he had an interview this week and was unsure whether he would be working and would have to let them know...I don't expect a word from him...

Queen!!! I really like that! I'm going to have to write that on my bathroom mirror so I can repeat that every day! I have kept a dry erase marker on the shelf in there since I moved back in! I write whatever is on my mind, becasue YOU KNOW A DIVA SPENDS ALOT OF TIME IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR IN THE MORNING GETTING READY FOR THE DAY!!! What better place to have my time for ME to meditated!

Well, the kids and I got a last minute call about a bday party for my cousin's little boy so we went after I finished cutting the grass and dropping off OS's friend!

After coming home, I got all of the Christmas decorations picked up, rearranged the living room which has been the same since we moved back in, and got everything pretty clean for tomorrow! I also got a few things in the crook pot cooking, some dip made, and tomorrow after church we'll finish things up! I'm looking forward to it and hoping for a bigger turn out this time! I'm very pleased with what I got done!

We were to the store and as a treat I got the boys Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark! Poor Babies, they put it in and instantly fell asleep on the loveseat with the ottermans pulled up to it! I'm not going to move them, just cover them up!

Well, I'm going to nose around just for a second and then I'm headed to bed!

WEll, hello, ladies and gents...I'm happy to say that my second little get together was better than my first one! Of course there was more advanced notice, I guess that kind of helps.

I had two more pl show this time than the last time and we had like a potluck kind of thing...ppl ate and drank the entire time...the games we played were pretty cool...I still like Apples to Apples better...you can really cut up and have fun with that one...best one for some great laughs...

I wasn't nervous at all this time...I even called or txt to check on ppl who were invited...and it was a good thing that I did, becasue one of the couples had lost my number and address...

3 of the 10 didn't show...it was awesome!

Except for this one girl who's a coworker GF...she puts him down in front of other ppl...I really don't care for her...but at the same time I remember doing that to POWS in front of other ppl a few times because that was the only time that I felt comfortable hurting him back for the things that he said or did to me...

I've thought about asking my coworker about her behavior, but I'm kind of uncertain if it's my place...

You know what...I think I just need to speak my truth and let him know that her comments make ME feel uncomfortable...that I don't enjoy her doing that to him...

It has really given me a whole new light on my past behavior...I know that it was the only time that I felt comfortable sticking it to POWS but it was still wrong and I was actually embarrasses for my coworker...and I now see how other ppl saw me when I did it...I don't feel ashamed of my past behavior but I can tell you that no matter my reasons at the time it was wrong! I only made myself look stupid. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me...

An eye for an eye is not the solution...it's more like two wrongs don't make a right...

I'm still not sure if I should speak my truth or not, but I have learned that was part of my abuse in my M...I remember Loving asking me what MY part was...

No matter if it was once, twice, three times...I was wrong...I can't change the past but I can devote myself not to ever do that again...crazy thing is that's not WHO I am...I don't put ppl down but I felt the need to do it then...

Was that just part of the cycle?

It's kind of like when I found out about the A, I wanted him to hurt as much as I hurt...I wanted him to feel my pain...see what it was like, get him to understand what he had done...get him to stop...MAKE HIM Stop...I guess in my thinking that if I put him down in front of other ppl he would see what it was like and stop doing it...that certainly didn't work...

Part of the dance we were dancing...

I'm not really tore up about it, not feeling any anxiety, or a need to repent to him for my actions...but realize that was the past, I accept than and realize that's not something I want to ever do in my R in the future...

it's actually a little confusing for me...becasue I feel so strongly that what I did is not who I really am but a reaction to the events at the time...

Morning! I'm in a strange mood this morning...having trouble getting motivated again today...I've been having that I really don't want to got to work mood...

I was just sitting here thinking "God, pls let something wonderful hapen this week!" I've been struggling with this down feeling since before the holidays and keeping it from going down...

Well, guess I'm off to work...I know once I get there I will be fine...

I've been trying to remind myself that God's plan is better than my plan any day and wondering what the heck is his plan?

I've just been questioning alot here lately!

Rin:

Don't worry, something GREAT will happen this week.

Sometimes we do not know about it at the time, but it becomes clearer later....

His Unemployment is a temporary condition.

Don't worry about it.

LG

Thank you so much LG! I'm feeling alot of anxiety and frustration right now.

I called my lawyer a few minutes ago and everything ahs been changed to the March 4th date.

I gave them some informattion on my income. The $200 increase from one job to another will count but the $1500 bonus that I got for stepping up to the plate as Acting Director will not because that was a one time thing.

They have also requested information on what (E) would be for. We are pushing for the community property settlement.

The paralegal aslo said that there were plenty of jobs out there to be had and the only way that he would not find a job is if he was not looking!

Work has been stressful with the new start, book orders were not made for some students, and there are other things going on as well! Then, the whole thing with the D, IRS, lack of CS, holidays, etc. I'm finding it really hard to stay upbeat, but I ahve been doign a good job so far.

After talking to the paralegal, I just really feel like I need to break down and cry, get it over with and move on!

Well, I'm feeling better than I was this morning but am still a little tense from the day!

Helping OS with his homework right now! Interesting to say the least! MAth and patterns! WHooHoo!

Rin, how are you doing now?