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In how many days can I expect to start seeing the fog lifting after NC? Oh Boy! This is tough...
Me: 42
WW: 41
Married: 16 years
Known each other: 21 years
S12 D10.5
A Started: Nov 8, 2008
First Discovery: Dec 26th ("Just a Friend" excuse)
Big D-day: Jan 10th (Recorded evidence of full-blown A)
WW Moved out: Feb 1st, 2009.
Plan B started: Feb 13th, 2009.
D Papers served on me by WW: Feb 17th, 2009.
Plan B currently blown, A continues!
WW moved back into home: Feb 23rd, 2009.
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,510
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I'm not sure of defitnions here on fog and withdrawal.
Somewhere in the Harley writing it says, on average, the worst symptoms of withdrawal pass in 3 to 6 weeks (anxiety, depression, etc) after NC. It was stressed that YMMV.
With my W, she sadly asked several times after D-day about that Harley timeframe, and then seemed to live up to it, gradually getting better after about a month of NC.
Of course, there are about 1000 factors that could effect this.... length and depth of affair, FOO issues, quality of Plan A, 996 others...
This isn't a lightbulb process, it is more like a sunrise.
(Hey, that's pretty good...)
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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I've seen a WW drop the OM like a bad habit when caught, confronted, D day. I've seen them not start to come out of the fog/withdrawal for six months to a year.
It is what it is. Too many inputs to tie it to a tight time frame.
I have seen NC without withdrawal because there was no NC.
The WW still saw the OM because they were neighbors. Still worked with the OM. OM was a client of firm where WW worked. The son played on a team coached by the OM. Or was their childs teacher.
Not until there is one hundred percent no contact will there be withdrawal for the WW.
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"This isn't a lightbulb process, it is more like a sunrise.
(Hey, that's pretty good...) "
Yes it is! I am going to keep that one but if I use it I will credit you.
BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons
D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.
Started real recovery 07/15/10
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"This isn't a lightbulb process, it is more like a sunrise.
(Hey, that's pretty good...) "
Yes it is! I am going to keep that one but if I use it I will credit you. I'll forward the paperwork.
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It's been almost 5 months for me and I'm still struggling. I was WW--not sure which you are but A lasted 10 months or so this go round. I had had previous A with same man 18 years ago. I'm no longer "depressed"--well maybe a little but just more of a sick feeling like someone's hit me in the stomach. There are triggers everywhere even though I'm now in another state. There has been NC and it still is an issue emotionally and mentally.
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I'm no longer "depressed"--well maybe a little but just more of a sick feeling like someone's hit me in the stomach. There are triggers everywhere even though I'm now in another state. There has been NC and it still is an issue emotionally and mentally. what are the triggers? In all honesty, is it missing the OM, or guilt over hurting your BH, or personal disgust with yourself, or some combination?
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Joined: Jan 2009
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The triggers are everywhere. You name it--driving down the road and seeing a vehicle like his, or his BS's, hearing certain songs on the radio or anything that reminds me of something he said or something he did. They're constant. Just the least little thing.
And, yes, it's a combination of all of the things you mentioned. Missing OM, disgust with myself, guilt over hurting BS--just a mountain of things. But, I'm not "missing" OM so much now. I'm beginning to see what he's really all about...and that's not much of a positive thing.
It's been a long time and I just decided that enough is enough but there is no timeframe really.
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
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When does fog start to lift? Not near soon enough. In the meantime, I described my H as under a spell or bewitched.
My FWH made the following progression over time - I love her, I used to love her, I thought I loved her, but it was not really love, to I was just so messed up then. This week at D-day plus 9 months, he actually called her a s#$%head, a term I have never heard my H use about anyone.
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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