You hear stories of crack addicts who will do literally anything for the next "hit." Rob banks, sell their bodies, etc.

A WW seems the same. My WW moved out with our kids to a dinky government subsidized two-bed apartment that by her own admission hates.. She now has no money. She's having to pay for a legal custody battle (I have no idea how she is affording this). She now has three failed marriages with three baby daddies. That comes with three visitation schedules--she will have a line in front of her house when the dads drop off their kids or pick them up... She has to deal with her family alienating her to an extent.

And all this for her relationship with Larry the cable guy who lives on the other side of town with his two kids. He must be a swell guy.

Nice. My WW constantly exclaims how she is such a wonderful mom and that everything she does is for the kids. PUKE!! One time when she told me that, recently after D-day, I retorted with "Are you having an affair because you love the kids" or something like that. She got so ticked that she beat a big hole in the wall with her elbow.... Anyway, yeah, foggy thinking..

I'm so sorry for you erich. Your sitch has certainly taken a hard left. Maybe things will work out for you in the end.

My WW has been not near as mean but she definitely has her days. She has seemed more sad/depressed than anything. I just cant figure it out. When she is around me for a little bit she suddenly needs to leave and push away. It's almost like she gets too comfortable.

Is it bad to want really bad things to happen to OM? LOL.

Unfortunately, I think that my wife is a lost cause for now. I think one day she may change, but probably not now, not for me. She is very hardened and cold.

I have fantasized about doing mean things to OM, especially when I see his truck parked in front of WW's apartment late in the night on weekends when my son is there. I just want to pour sugar into his gas tank (Brother in law says that 2 cups of sugar will completely ruin the engine in about a week or two..). Or do something worse. But it's just not the right thing to do. It wouldn't make things any different.

Actually, the worst thing that I could ever wish upon OM is that he and WW get married. I can almost guarantee that he will be cheated on and disrespected in the end. Their relationship began with infidelity so it is pretty much cursed to die a slow painful death.

I actually feel sad for WW. Although she's hurt me a lot, I feel like I have a bright future ahead. I'm still young and haven't screwed up my life to badly. She on the other hand is in a lot of trouble. She has no college education, three kids from three dads, and apparently some serious mental problems.

When I saw her yesterday, I felt sad for her. Her demeanor was depressing, she was yawning like a maniac from being tired. Three kids are a lot of work by yourself. Her sitch is not good... Wish she wouldn't take this route..

Anyway, I digress. and ramble...

I too sometimes feel sorry for my WW. She is hooked up with a married OM that is using her and is himself a ho. She has had people pull her aside at work since the rumors started and tell her they dont know if they're true or not but to stay away from him. He hits on every girl that goes to work there and if they let him he sleeps with them. He sleeps with everybody he can from what I have gathered of him. WW better hope she comes away from this one STD free. From all I have heard, he is addicted to sex.

WW tried to tell me the other day what a bad person OM's 1st W was, that she cheated on him and all that but I knwo that is only ploy for her sympathy. Tried to tell her that and she will not listen.

Rusty - I presume HR are aware of this workplace affair?

Yes. They are. Letters sent and lots of phone calls made. They are denying everything and I was told the workplace cannot do anything since it isnt happening at work.


But he is supposidly supposed to be leaving in a few weeks also for another job.

Is one of them a superior of the other?

No, they are both the bottom people on the totem pole

rs... you sound a little down. I'm truly sorry for what you are going through.

What are you doing to fill your WW's EN's? Even though you can't do big, drastic things, you can still do little things to entice her home.

Some flowers sent to her at her mother's place, with a note that there IS a way home, if she'd like to talk about it...again, be creative and thoughtful.

Stay positive!

Not really down. Just being patient and waiting...hard to wait things out.

WW came to pick up the girls last night and said that she was too tired to drive and asked if she could stay on the couch. I told her sure but take the bed. Then she stayed all day today and when it came time for her to leave and go to her counseling app. she asked if I would ride with her. I said no, I couldnt and she said she would buy my dinner if I did so I broke down and went.

WW is really weird sometimes, she throws lots of mixed signals. She comes over and spends the night, wants me to go places with her and all that but then says she doesnt want to be with me. She will start getting too close, having too good a time and then back away again. Told me today I was so easy to talk to and appologised for some of the things she has told me. Also has been talking of missing the girls a lot.

LB'd her today with a DJ and all because she was doing something I didnt agree with...no big deal really, just not agreeing with her. Should have just kept my mouth shut.

Rusty,

Here is a bit of advice. What state do you live in? If I were you, I would file for a legal separation immediately. Your WW has abandoned her children, and you said she is the primary breadwinner. She has also said that she wants to be independant. Well, now is the time for you to show her the consequences of her actions. You've now been feeding her the carrot of plan A. Now it is time for the stick. You still meet some of her emotional needs, so now it is time to subject her to the consequences and then stop meeting her ENs altogether.

I am talking about a legal separation and then plan B followed afterwards. Now you are in the best position to win custody of your children. You never know what will happen in the future, so it is best to win custody while you can. You also file for child and spousal support. Trust me, once she gets her "independence" and realizes how crappy it is, she'll come back. After you get the custody situation straightened out, then go to plan B. Then you no longer meet some of her ENs and the OM has to meet them all. He won't, your WW will be miserable, and she'll come crawling back to you. And you won't have to deal with her madness anymore. After a while of plan B, you might realize that having custody of your children is all you need, and might not want to take your WW back. But it will be your choice, not hers.

The seperation and custody part is not an issue right now. I have most of all of that taken care of if I need to. Custody is not really a problem because I hold all of the cards for that.

She is having it out with the girl she was supposed to be moving in with right now and all so it is looking good that she will be living alone. I should know more in the next day or two.

I am in plan A and using the carrot and the stick as best I can. Everyone I can possibly expose to has been exposed and I am doing everything I can to be nice and also make it hard on the affair.

I am having no real problems with plan A and WW is starting to get closer with me a little bit so I am getting past a couple of the issues that made the marriage suck slowly. Thats why I cant go to plan b too soon.

Well, looks like WW will be moving in with her friend after all. Not sure if this is a bad thing or a good thing. A few good things is that WW and her will not be able to get along for very long living together, they are too different. They stay at each others throats as it is already. WW will have to drive D7 to school on the days she has her and she hates doing that. It's also a 45 minute drive each way to the school. With WW schedule, it is gonna make it suck for her to have to get up then. D7 is also not wanting to stay there any really bad. She hates going over there. Heck, she hates staying with WW anyways. She always begs to come home with daddy. Neither of the girls know how to cook and they are approaching moving in together and starting from scratch all wrong. They are trying to buy everything they want right off the bat and are buying expensive stuff. I know that the only real reason WW wants this so bad is to have a place for OM to come to occasionally. I'm not stupid.

Still rockin it out to plan A and getting better all the time. Slowly cutting out all LB and R and A talk. Doing little things for WW all the time and she seems to be noticing but not wanting to acknowledge that she notices. Although I have bad days when I feel hopeless or impatient, over all my LB$$ doesnt really seem to be running out yet for WW. I am enjoying doing stuff for her and that makes me happy. She does little things for me but not a lot. Just thought it was weird that I feel like I havent been losing any love for her. Guess part of it is that she is just so pathetic that I kinda feel sorry for her right now. She is staying broke, always depressed, misses the kids, has a OM thats doesnt do anything for her but throw it to her every couple weeks, and stuff like that.

I do have a ??, though. Should I help WW get into her place at all? She isnt getting squat that we had together...not even one of the extra TV's in storage.

Funny that she makes 3x more money than I do and she is asking me to borrow money.

Besides the waiting and worrying, I am having a blast in plan A.

BIG NADA to that! If she wants to be a single chick, let her foot the bill entirely. I agree that you shouldn't give her any property either. Make her get a court order!

I am not clear on your custody arrangements. Are you allowing your kids to spend the night with her 45 minutes away at her friends' house? Because I would not allow her to do that. That is too hard on your kids. Your DD should not have to sleep in a strange place and have to be so far from school just because her crazyass mother wants to be irresponsible.

Your W is unstable and has abandoned her family. She shouldn't be allowed to drag your kids to strange places. I would tell she can't take the kids overnight without a court order. I don't think she is a fit mother right now.

Oh, I didnt mean paying for anything for her. I meant just do anything for her to help her move in. I know I have read where a few other guys have helped their WW move into a new place and helped and thats what I wondered.

I also have read where others BH's helped their WW move, and I was torn on what to do when my exWW moved.

She wanted me to cosign on her lease - I told her to fuhgetaboutit.

I did help move a few things over and install some blinds in her house, mainly so I could get a look at what the place looked like as part of gathering intel. This happened after our initial court appearance where the custody arrangement was put into place that favored me, and I figured since my kid would be there I ought to see what it looked like myself. It was on of these times that I found her notebook where she was documenting things against me. I also found a few other things about her I was able to document so it worked out for me in the end.

K. I didnt know. I went and shampood the carpets for them yesterday. Made me look good in front of WW but I actually did it for a different reason. I knew that her friend would be there and her friends parents(they own it) and knew she had made me out to be a monster. So I went, was the sweetest guy in the worls and even had her mom tell me how great I was to be doing all of this. Since WW was outside at the time I took the opportunity to tell the lady how much I love my W and hope when she finishes her affair that she will come to her senses and come home. LOL, yes, I took the oportunity to expose in case they didnt know. She told me how she has been married 29 years and all that. Seemed to really take a liking to me as far as I could tell. Met her friends dad, shook his hand, and talked to him for a minute.

That let me know where the place was in case I didnt know before and also let me get WW to nix the idea of a lease. Not sure why they wanted her to sign a lease, either to be money hungry or try to dissuade her from moving in. IDK.

WW has started being really nice to me lately and has stopped talking quite so bad about me to other people. She has also told me about how she wants to get over OM but says she just cant. She says she hates him and doesnt want to be his booty call but said that she has lost control. When she sees him that she is so attracted to him that she looses control. She has admitted she is addicted to him. She told me this last week after I confronted her about going to OM house Wed.

P.S. WOW, the rumors at WW's work are really flying.

Rusty,

I think it was good you moved her in. But, given that she admits she is his "booty call" anytime he wants and she tells you this, I think she just wants her cake and eat it too.

You really need to be assessing this situation carefully. The issues here are not her affair or her as "booty call", the issues are really about the boundaries, the concept of honor and vows, and what it means to be true to someone. She apparently doesn't have much of the above, which strongly suggests that no matter how good a wife she wants to be, she will be something much less.

You now know this. You know that she can look you in the eye and lie. You know she can look you in the eye and tell you she cares for you, but prefers another man, and it does not bother her. You know she can look you in the eye and tell you she is "booty call" for OM while "hating" him. What sort of boundary does that tell you??? She hates the guy, but will be his "booty call" anytime he wants. It suggests this woman does not even have a real understanding of her own feelings, emotions, boundaries or morals, but less understands yours.

This is not a good thing Rusty, it really is not.

Please think about it.

God Bless,

JL

Well, she cant look me in the eye and lie to me. Thats been one of the ways I can always tell when something is up...when she will not look me in the eye.

WW is letting her emotions completely rule over her right now. She is wanting to break away from him but at the same time she doesnt. She doesnt want to be his booty call but wants him to leave his wife for her and hopes they will be together. She thinks he's her soul mate and all that other crap. She says she hates him, but I know different. She is lying to herself. She has had to lie to herself the whole time through all of this.

My WW's biggest issue has been boundaries. It is also the thing she would have to learn if she wanted to come back. She has been sucked in by TV and all that to have really crappy boundaries.

There are a few areas in which WW needs to change and I know this. I also know that if she wants to come home I have to be strong and only let her if it looks like the changes are taking place. I cannot let her return if she is keeping those same boundaries and all that got us into this mess. She will have to want to change those things and actually show me she will.