Hi Sapphirus!

I don't have much time right now but wanted to say hi... I'll check out your other posts when I get a chance, and I look forward to chatting more with you! If your sitch is like mine, I bet there's tons of hope for you.

*hugs* more later.

Real quick post...

Guys, I've got a black eye!!! I got it skiing, but will anyone believe that??? Plus, I don't wanna say I got it skiing... long story... but of course I don't want ppl to assume the worst either...

So can I tell folks I walked into a door???? LOL Details later...

ps - does makeup really hide such things, or just make it worse???

Ok, now for the rest of the story...

So yesterday was the Boy Scouts Ski Day. H and I took DS6's of course. 6b is a real hotshot. As soon as we got all our gear on and stuff, 6b goes to the bunny hill lift to warm up - it's like a moving sidewalk. One of his friends followed him... this other kid's mom is somewhat more protective than DH and I are. DH and I are still helping 6a, and then getting our own stuff on, so we aren't watching 6b or 6a, we know they will do fine on the bunny hill until we're all geared up to ride the chair lift with them. Well, unbeknownst to 6b's friend, this is NOT 6b's first time on skis. Unbeknownst to 6b, it IS his friend's first time. They get to the top of the bunny slope (teensy weensy, especially compared to where we used to live, where the bunny area was a rather large part of the mountain, the whole bottom part, warranting a real chair lift). At the top little hotshot hunkers down into his speed racer stance, leaning over onto his knees ya know, and takes off. His friend follows suit. Does the same thing... hunkers down and all... gotta say one thing for him, kid's got guts! Gotta say another thing, he didn't fall over, he stayed upright the whole way down! Except no one had ever told him how to stop... Well I didn't see it but the mom told me about it. She had thought there would be lessons or something, and was upset that no one had told him anything about how to stop or anything.

By the time I got there, with DH to collect DS's to ride the lift, I could tell the kid was struggling on his skis and the mom was just about to call it quits and take him home. I asked him if he wanted me to go with him up and help him come back down. Mom was hesitant, I assured her I'd already been through that with my own two, and he'd be fine. DH and DS's didn't even wait for me to finish talking to the kid and mom, they were already at the chair lift. Can't hardly slow down those two!

I ended up taking the kid down the bunny slope about 5 times, telling him all about pizza and french fries, and how to stand up after falling down, etc. By the end he was doing much better, and the mom was no longer telling him they were gonna go home. He ended up skiing down the bunny slope all by himself before lunch, and she signed him up for lessons after lunch. Yay!

And I caught up with DH and DS's. Man, my legs were hurting by lunchtime, trying to keep up with those two! (I just realized I've been calling them DS6's. They are now 7. I gotta remember to change their name!)

Anyway, when we were coming in for lunch, man was I tired... So I take my skis off, and am walking across the deck to the door inside... (this is the embarrassing part) I'm looking at my reflection in the window to see how my new ski hat looks and I trip and fall! My cheek even hits the deck, or rather, my goggles, which slams my goggles into my cheek, or something. You know, right under the eye socket. I'm stunned enough that I just lay there for several seconds with DH asking if I'm ok and trying to get me up. I finally get up, with a massive headache and sore cheek. He helps me inside, and he says my cheek looks fine even though I'm worried about a bruise. I'm thinking, we're at a ski hill, what better place to be when you need something cold to ward off a black eye??? But DH doesn't think it needs that, and I'm too tired/achy to walk back outside to grab some snow myself. So no cold compress for me.

Rest of the day went great, 6a (oops, DS7a) even said this was the best day skiing ever. (They say that whenever they are especially enjoying the day - it's "the best day ever!") Come home and I ache all over. This morning I have a black eye.

Ok, the reason I don't wanna tell ppl I got it skiing... in addition to the incredibly embarrassing way it happened... no spectacular crashes at top speeds down the double black diamond... (both DS's are firmly into the blues now, no greens for our little hotshots... they're prolly just about ready for the easiest blacks, which is what they'd worked up to by the end of last season, but this is only the second time they've been out this season...)

Oh yeah, why I don't wanna tell how it happened... just last Friday someone at work was complaining about how other folks go skiing while he works his b#tt off. This guy is sorta like my boss, or rather, my boss's boss's almost boss. So I really want a better alibi than "I got it while skiing."

Any ideas?

Jayne, I hope LA or Hold come by. This is a great growth opportunity. We all choose our own priorities, and it's okay if you choose them differently than someone else.

And, Jayne, I'm sorry to hear your DH didn't get you some ice. I think that's kind of expected based on where you two are today, and you have a plan to get your M to a different place, where you can ask your H for ice and you two will speedily find a win-win solution. Meanwhile, how about asking someone else?

How are you feeling today?

Hi ears,

Could you clarify please? Because I have no idea what growth opportunity you are talking about, sorry if I'm being obtuse. I'm also not sure what priorities I'm choosing that are different from yours... even if it's ok to have different priorities, I'm still interested in your opinion. Do you think it was irresponsible of me to go skiing?

I didn't actually ask DH to get ice... at least I'm not sure if I did. He had already been doing the majority of the running and fetching and packing all morning, and he was almost as tired as I was... I guess the kids wore him out pretty good while I was on the bunny hill with the friend. What I asked him was, how did it look, and did it look like it needed ice. If I'd wanted ice bad enough I would've gone outside and scooped up some snow, but I didn't want it that bad. And H was trying to figure out what the kids wanted to eat, and running out to the car to get money cus they didn't take credit cards, and standing in line getting the food while the rest of us just sat there resting... except I did go help him with getting the food while he was ordering stuff.

I feel pretty good today, my upper arms and shoulders are a tiny bit sore, not sure what's up with that since I didn't think I used my poles much. I woulda expected my legs to be sore after yesterday, but they just feel a good kinda tired, like they got just the right amount of workout. On the plus side, my lower backache is totally gone!

No one yet today has said anything, so hopefully it just looks like I need more sleep. Except it's definitely more on one eye than the other. I thought about punching myself in the other eye to balance it out! LOL

I've had a black eye once before too. I was single, but I had a temporary male roommate - really just roomies, he was engaged and I was friends with his fiancee, he just needed a place to live between apartments while they saved up some money. Lucky for him he was out of town when it happened, or I can imagine ppl woulda blamed him! What happened was, he used Dove soap which I wasn't used to, and where he'd left it was right where the shower water would hit it, so it had made the bottom of the tub super slippery... so I was in the shower, and when I stepped out, my German shepherd was lying on the bathroom floor just outside the tub, so I was stepping out of the tub AND over a big dog, and my foot in the tub slipped and I fell down with a *slam* due to the leverage of the bathtub.

No one was willing to be seen in public with me until it went away, for fear of ppl thinking they'd done it! The only guy who would be seen with me was the lead guitarist of the band I was in... and yes, everyone kept giving him dirty looks, no matter how happy and cheerful I acted!

Thanks for the other black eye story! And I'm glad that you aren't resentful about the ice thing, I see I totally misread that.


I tohught the growth opportunity was to say you got the black eye skiing, even though this superior at work doesn't like folks to take free time on the weekends. I was saying that your priority was different than his. You chose to go skiing with your h and kids this weekend rather than your H take the kids while you work this weekend. I don't think we have a differnce on priority there. I enjoyed spending my weekend with the family, too. Does make the other guy bad or wrong. He makes choices that fit his priorities.

Ah!!! Ok, now I see what you're talking about re. the growth opportunity... and thanks for validating my priorities!!! Yes I think spending time with my kids IS a priority... I don't apologize for that... although I am kinda reluctant to broadcast it at this moment given the timing.

Thanks for the clarification, things make sense to me now!

Thanks for the warm welcome Jayne and I'm sorry about your eye! I do hope that it gets better.

My situation is probably similar to yours but I'm working hard to follow your example and eliminate the LBs! I need to do more research to identify them and eliminate them but I know I can do it! My H is my #1 priority and I need to show him that to make it real. I think that consistency is key and he's agreed to start trying...I think that's all I can ask for at this point so I'm grateful!

Yay Sapphirus!

That's the perfect place to start - by identifying and eliminating LBs. Have you tried filing out the LBQ (Love Buster Questionairre) available on this site? If your H won't fill it out, you can at least get some idea by filling it out pretending that you are him.

Y'all, I can barely contain myself, I've tried not to post much about this... but I'm just sooooo excited, it's almost all I can think about...

PLEASE understand I have done, and still am doing, my homework... and when I mean doing my homework I mean REALLY.

I'm talking about getting a dog. DH has been saying for weeks months, every time I ask, that "It's up to you." When I try to pin him down, to make sure that's a "yes" and not a "Ok I give up, go ahead" he really seems ok with it. When I ask him if he's really ok with it, I've asked it in all sorts of different ways, like "Are you sure this won't make you miserable? I don't want to gain at your expense." and "Will you be ok when I'm out of town?" he always says "I'm sure we'll figure something out" or "I'm sure it will be ok."

You gotta know, this is about as enthusiastic as he gets. I think he showed less enthusiasm planning our wedding, or finding out we were pregnant. Or getting his dream job offer.

So. I've been corresponding with a few ppl via email and I've talked on the phone to some folks. I'm only considering dogs that are verified to be kid-friendly and cat-friendly; not timid, but even-tempered; well-bred, with predictable temperaments based on their sires and dams, and grandsires/dams, aunts, uncles, siblings; "clear-headed" like the breed standard calls for. I've considered American show lines vs. German show lines vs. working lines, Czech, East German, etc. Looked at pedigrees, and whether hips and elbows have been certified, and what the parents and siblings have accomplished, and the reputations of the breeders. I think I'm getting real close to finding what I want.

For DH to be happy, or um, "not miserable", that means he isn't kept up at night with barking, and the dog is house trained, and doesn't cause any more damage than the cats. (That last one isn't something he's said, I just added it; but it's pretty easy to do less damage than our leather-luvin cats.) So I'm also looking for an older puppy or adult dog, old enough to sleep through the night without crying, who is already house trained and/or crate trained. In fact the dogs I'm looking at already have at *least* their basic obedience already. Some have more. One is regularly handled by a 12-year-old. (By "handled" I don't mean a 12-year-old touches him; I mean a 12-year-old works with him in his training exercises. The dog obeys the 12-year-old.) And just in case he/she isn't completely able to be left alone with free range of the home, we can set up a temporary kennel in our large 3-car heated garage for when we aren't home. And I can come home for lunch.

I wouldn't want to leave him/her outside even in a fenced in yard. I'm pretty sure mountain lions can climb even tall fences.

So, this weekend I have a work-related trip to DC. I just found out from one of the people I've been talking to, a woman with one of the best reputations around, that the two dogs she recommends for me are located really near DC... and the guy who has them works at the same airport I'll be flying into!!!

So he's agreed to meet me there and take me to his house (this would be creepy if I'd met these folks on a dating website LOL... but he has a wife who I assume will be home, and this woman says she's really great friends with the couple... and I'll have DH on speed dial on my cell) and I get to meet their dogs! In fact, if I like one of them, I can save some money by bringing her back with me on my return flight rather than having her shipped.

He's also said that he'd pick me up on my last day if I have a bit of spare time before my flight, and take me out to their training club where they are having an expert trainer come do a workshop with them and then I can see the dogs in action. Then he'd take me to the airport directly.

Which means, I want to have a pretty good idea before I go out there whether there are other dogs I'd rather have. So I've been doing some serious looking the past day or two. If I don't get one of the DC dogs then I will have a pretty good idea what my other choices are.

So I've been reading, and there's a site just chock full of stories of dogs that have saved kids from strangers trying to entice them to their car (with a news story the next week of a girl abducted and raped and killed in the same area); of robbers and muggers being scared off; etc. I'm getting all misty-eyed.

I've told DH that I'm really starting to get excited in anticipation, and that if he doesn't want me to get a dog that I'd like him to hurry up and tell me before I get any more excited. He just says "It' up to you" and "I'm sure we'll work something out." I'm pretty sure that's a yes. Like I said, that's more than I got when we decided to get married. LOL

I'm sorry, but I'm just sooooooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!

The kids are stoked as well. It'll be great to get them out of the house. I think even the cats will like having something else burn off the kids' energy. I will feel better about having someone shining a flashlight through the window at midnight. I will feel better about the evenings when I have to work late and DH is home with the kids but mostly on the computer. If my new dog is anything like my other dogs, the cats will even love the dog, love going for walks with the dog, and love sleeping on top of the nice soft warm dog. When I lived in Canada, the neighbor's cat always came with me when I walked my dog. If a dog barked at the cat, my dog would bark at that dog and "protect" the cat! If our cats now will stick that close to the new dog, then it will mean the cats can actually go outside again maybe.

I'm excited. Sorry.

Did I miss the part in your post about what breed you're talking about jayne?

The noblest of all... German Shepherd Dog!!!!

Good on you jayne. I've always wanted a GSD.


Have you considered the Belgian Malinois? They're a little smaller, but as I understand it, they don't have quite the risk for H/ED. They're also the preferred breed for a lot of mil and LEO K9 units.

Just a thought though. Congrats! Pics for when it happens, okay?

Oh, I'd luuuuuuv to share pics!!!!

Yes, I thought about Mals... I like the fact that they are still not quite so popular, not quite common enough, to be all messed up from poor breeding. I think that's one reason they're now preferred over GSDs for K9s? That and the fact that the American show line GSDs have become soft, timid even, and cow hocked... (I hope no Amer. show line lovers are reading! If so sorry... my 1st was Amer. show and I loved him...)

But, and maybe this is my prejudice showing... I'm worried that a Mal might be too hard for me... whaddaya think? My other GSD was super easy... like I said, mostly Amer. showlines, back in the 80's so before things were as extreme as they are now...

Do you have a Mal?

Do you do Schutzhund?

Congratulations, Jayne! I know how much this means to you. I couldn't imagine not having my cat to get me through hard times.

Jayne, I'm really happy for you. My H is really noncommital about things that would make me happy, too. He says, "you're getting what you want, but I'm not getting what I want." So now I can ask, "What would make you enthusiastic?" Which is where we get to the win win. Either there is something I can do, or he finds that he's already enthusiastic. Progress, not perfection, and we have to start somewhere.

Jayne, do already you feel comfortable that he's enthusiatic, and explaining all this for our blessing? Because you already know I trust your judgment. Or are you not sure yet, and thinking this through aloud?

No, I'm comfortable that this is as enthusiastic as he gets, based on his facial expressions while he says what he says. If he was against, it would be totally different, and I would be able to tell. I've asked about what would make him enthusiastic, and he says if he isn't woken up at night, and if the dog is already house trained.

Yes, I'm explaining for your blessing.

Thanks cat!!!

Good luck Jayne! I'm the sticking point on a dog around here. We used to have two large-breed dogs and the kids would love another. But I'm just to ready for another dog. One cat is fine for me!