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with her telling me *she is good* and *not in love* i still am working at making this work. she tells me she is single and only married on paper. i am still wanting this to work. i havent been totally honest, i realize this. she seems to not even care if i would at this point. She does not feel *safe* in a relationship with you. Why should she?
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ok so today i gave her money so she could do her and the kids laundry. she offered to do mine, and even dropped it off at my job when it was done. i took my lunch break just now, and we went and took our son for his first haircut. we are talking and communicating, which is cool, but no more than that. this is a start. her and the kids just left after coming back into my job to say bye after initally leaving. she had the receptionist page me a *ms ______ (she used her maiden name) is here. i didnt find the humor in that. i havent been nagging her, and have been upfront and honest and helpful for as much as she allows for now. is this a start???
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she stays adamant that we are over and she has moved on, can this happen like that???
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i havent been nagging her, and have been upfront and honest and helpful for as much as she allows for now. is this a start??? When were you honest? I haven't seen any sign of that. Until you get honest with her, you are not safe and she would be crazy to bother with you. you need to BE HONEST. And that starts with BEING HONEST.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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she stays adamant that we are over and she has moved on, can this happen like that??? It should be over until she sees a change. There is no change.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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do you mean being honest as in what has happened in the past? i am as honest as can be in the past few months>? what would be specific?
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do you mean being honest as in what has happened in the past? Yes
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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i have been. she acts as though she doesnt want to hear it, says she doesnt care, its past her. how do i approach that response?
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You told her honestly what happened the night you went to the bar and hit on all those women? Like Melody suggested?
What was her reaction?
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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i told her *A-----, listen that night when I went out, I was thinking with my d*** and not my heart or my brain. I put our marriage in jeporady getting some old h*es numbers, and forgetting that I have a family at home. I was dumb and ignorant, and deceived you, and I was wrong. I never was looking to leave you or be with anyone else, I was just irresponsible and being selfish*
she told me *that was the night you broke our marriage and my trust. we never had an incident up until then, we move back home and 6 days later that sh*t? i am good. m***, I have been trying to believe this can work, but i cant go on lying to myself. I dont even believe you when you are taking a sh*t. I tried and tried, and I dont have it in me anymore. I rather be by myself.*
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but today has been ok. i am still far away from getting my key back to the house, which i understand. she gets very angry when the subject of us comes up even remotely. i try not to touch it. but i do ask about how she throws *D* around at times when mad or upset, but at other times, *i dont want to talk about it.* I dont want *D* at all, initially when I moved out, she didnt either. She sways in and out lately.
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sorry being upfront and honest about the past......she says she doesnt want to hear it and isnt interested, its the same ole story
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i told her *A-----, listen that night when I went out, I was thinking with my d*** and not my heart or my brain. I put our marriage in jeporady getting some old h*es numbers, and forgetting that I have a family at home. I was dumb and ignorant, and deceived you, and I was wrong. I never was looking to leave you or be with anyone else, I was just irresponsible and being selfish* This is just a pack of weasel words that doesn't give her the facts. Without the FACTS of what you did, your remorse is fake and meaningless. I SUPPORT her decision in kicking you out and ending the marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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sorry being upfront and honest about the past......she says she doesnt want to hear it and isnt interested, its the same ole story I WOULD AGREE!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I was dumb and ignorant, and deceived you, and I was wrong. I never was looking to leave you or be with anyone else, I was just irresponsible and being selfish You got their number precisely because you thought you could be with them and not get caught. Why would say otherwise? Why would you further prove your un-trustworthiness when you know the ONE thing you absolutely MUST do is be honest? I don't mean to beat you up. You need to look inside yourself and find the answer to this question. You know, without a doubt, that complete and total honesty is the ONLY way forward for you. And then you lie. WHY? What were you hoping to accomplish? What were you hoping to avoid? This is important, and you need to figure it out.
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i understand.....i did tell her i had the intention of not getting caught and messing around behind her back. i told her i was just looking for just some quick side action, that meant nothing. it meant alot, because it put me here. trying to get my d*ck wet got me here, and trying to commit adultery. putting myself out there that i can fool around with someone when i am committed is what i did. and disregard my spouses feelings.
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I was dumb and ignorant, and deceived you, and I was wrong. I never was looking to leave you or be with anyone else, I was just irresponsible and being selfish You got their number precisely because you thought you could be with them and not get caught. Why would say otherwise? Why would you further prove your un-trustworthiness when you know the ONE thing you absolutely MUST do is be honest? I don't mean to beat you up. You need to look inside yourself and find the answer to this question. You know, without a doubt, that complete and total honesty is the ONLY way forward for you. And then you lie. WHY? What were you hoping to accomplish? What were you hoping to avoid? This is important, and you need to figure it out. i was looking to get quick action outside of my marriage. quick satisfaction. and there is nothing satisfying from past experience, because u get used to your spouses way of making love and doing what you like. but for some reason, i needed to go outside, and try to deceive her. and i got caught. and i got nowhere.
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we talked for a little while just now.......kinda talking about plans and what not. we had a trip to miami planned that she now wants to take with some of her girlfriends. i bit my tongue and said *if thats what you want to do* kinda devastating to know she feels like this, but i dont bark at her at all.
Last edited by sampleman; 02/26/09 04:36 PM.
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This is the current situation. She has no job, and no way to pay bills. She hasnt paid any bills for the whole month of February, and neither have I since she told me to leave, and I had to find a place overnight. Everything is going on 2 months late next week, but she is waiting on her tax returns. She originally asked me for money, I offered, than when the time came, she told me she didnt want sh*t from me. I could swing two households with nothing left over, and wouldnt mind, but am I wrong not to pay, especially when she has the chip on her shoulder about helping. I do give her money weekly for the kids and their needs, and spend money on them when they are with me. Am I wrong>?
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