VST,

You can't worry about the "what if's". Right now you need to focus on the goal of exposure. Great to see you made the list. I see that knowing your WH is 'not ready to come home yet' may have been that straw that helped you. I'm sure you now believe the A is still ongoing. After you contact HR, you need to exposure to all on your list and continue to snoop, check cell phone records, I would drive by as well.. I would contact OWH to let him know that H is living only 10 minutes from the office and that you have a feeling the A is still continuing. Again, another pair of eyes can only assist you in truly ending the A. Make sure he will let you know of his discoveries and vice versa. Good luck with the call. Let us know how it pans out!

Again, just back in the end of September/beginning of October, is when I made the call. My WH got kicked out so quick he did not have a chance to let me know and they took his work cell so had have no way of contacting me until he got to the cell phone store to get his new phone (I still have that old cell of his right here in my drawer at work and once the contract for that line is up, it will be gone forever.. can't wait cause the skanks pictures and their last texts are still on it!)

Thanks ntf, I was just talking to a friend who's husband is a lawyer. I'm going to hire a PI. I know all of you think I need to just go for it but I know that I have to have concrete proof to go thru with this. I don't think it will take long....I just need proof that it's still going on so I can't be manipulated anymore. My H is a pro at that!

Of course hes not ready, he is having an affair! He can't very well carry on his affair if he is home. We could have told you this!

I know ML, I know. But I have to have concrete proof...I have no doubt I will find it but I have to have it.

VST, they probably won't lose their jobs, they usually don't. But we have no idea what will happen.

You are wasting time on what if's, vst. Please just make your plan and move forward. You can handle the outcome. Please spend your energy on your PLAN instead of wasting it with WHAT IFs.

You need concrete proof of what exactly?

Did you tell the OWH that your H has an apartment?

Ok, please go get your proof today by watching the apartment. Can you hire a PI to watch the apartment this weekend?

Does the OWH know your H now has an apartment for WS and his W?

ML, I didn't tell him....I know that wasn't good but I do know that he has an anger problem and I was so afraid of my H losing his job.....and I tried to trust......I know this is just excuses but I'm trying to right as of now. I'm going to meet with the PI in a little while.

Because I'm being told by my H that it's over (I know you all will roll your eyes :)) I have to have solid proof to expose. Sorry, but that is me. I don't doubt that I will get it though.

Please call the OWH back and stop covering up for your H. Your H is a menace to this man and he has a RIGHT to know that your H has now rented an apartment to take his wife to.

There is no reason to not tell him, VST.

Good job hiring the PI!

Yes it is excuses and I am sad you would even consider doing this to this man. He does not deserve to be treated like this, vst. He has every right to know the truth.


It is not wise or virtuous to trust untrustworthy people. That makes no sense. Your H is untrustworthy so it would be insane to afford him trust.

I'm going to be totally honest here, I don't trust the OWH not to blow things up. I need things to stay calm while the PI does his work. If I call him, I don't feel that he would be able to contol himself and not call her and go off on her, etc. I know I'm not doing him justice by not telling him, I know this. But I also know what my gut feeling is about his ability handle this info right now. He is volatile, I know this. I should have told him in the beginning but I didn't. Now I need to wait it out.

Good Morning, I was so hesitant to expose that I wasted a lot of precious time. Didn't know of MB back then. I think you know what you have to do . . . you need to for yourself and your dd. The evidence is in what he is saying . . . waivering some. Must think there is hope with OW. You can't allow that. No one is saying that recovery is a given. Just that you don't have any chance under the current circumstances. Right now your WS's emotions are all over the place. My H. could barely work and when the fog lifted afer the PA was over he said it was a huge weight lifted off of him. But guess what the EA started when she contacted him again (7 weeks or so later) . . .didn't live near eachother . . . your WS works with the OW . . . that is all his foggy brain needs to continue the irrational fantasy.

Consider this . . . PI's are not cheap. IF it was a coordinated effort between you and the OW's H then you may be able to catch something. For example, the OW"S H could go somewhere to give her the freedom to visit your WS? How close in proximity do you live to these people? How close is your WS's apt? Also you could then find out if he is watching her cell and computer usage. Consider the dynamics . . .she is still at home.

OS, I know you understand my fear......I believe everything all of you are telling me. I do. I worry that they would be able to convince others that it is over with their words just because I don't have proof that it hasn't stopped. I'm going to meet with the PI now. Thanks, and I'll be back here in a while.

OS, oh God.....you're right....If this PI is too expensive, I will try what you said. I already have the appt. so I'll go check it out.

Good luck . . . I've been there dear and I know it's pricey! But not your only option so don't get discouraged.

VST, I can understand not wanting to blow him up until the PI gets the intel. That makes sense FOR NOW. But keep this in mind. This man is not the bad guy here. YOUR H IS THE BAD GUY. Your H is harming him and his family and he has every right to protect himself from your H and his skanky wife.

After you get the intel, please commit to treating this man with a little more decency by sharing ALL the information with him so he can arm himself from your H's assault on his family.

It is much cheaper than a DIVORCE!

True but you can rationalize anything the PI says. Did he get the right person . . . were they just talking etc etc etc. It goes to the state of mind of the BS. You just don't know what's what anymore. SO emotional.

Thanks for your support. OS. Anything else negative you can say about the plans to discourage her to move forward after we have worked so hard to get her to take action?