Sounds like your brother may be of low standards himself.

She is a ho but as others have said, you need to stop focusing on your exH and his sow and start rebuilding your life and creating your own happiness.

Sorry you are feeling so down cat. {{{{cat}}}}

TheRoad,
I have no idea if OW ever charged anyone for sex. I do know that she got involved with my ExH because she wanted a "rich" guy and her husband was not.

She'll always be a ho to me no matter what...


Lost,
I've only seen OW once. ExH won't bring her around me. Guess she's scared.

Dawn,
I am trying hard to live by the living well is the best revenge rule and fake it till you make it. Some days though I'm just so tired of pretending...

I can't see myself ever forgiving ExH or OW for what they did.

Cat--you DO NOT HAVE to forgive either of them...but, you also can not let it consume you either. I know it is hard. OM was my only thought for months but I prayed and prayed and cried and then one day it was like--it just hit me like a ton of bricks. What in the heck was I doing?

Just concentrate on being "the better person" and time will take care of the rest. There are always consequences to our choices and something that I have to remind myself of alot these days is something my grandfather used to tell me. We reap what we sow. I know I've learned that the hard way. People talk about "the karma bus" around here and everything that we do will come back to us in the end.

Keep your chin up. I hate to say this but it could be a blessing in disquise for you--although you may not know it yet.

Thanks Dawn. I will admit I am a perosn that wants revenge. I want ExH to pay for all the hurt he has caused me and my kids. My kids are having a lot of emotional problems due to all of this. They are in IC. Kids should be enjoying their youth, not in IC! But ExH could care less. He traded one set of kids for another one now!

But a frien of mine said the same thing. That maybe something better is out there and I had to get D'd to wait for it to come. I just can't imagine anything better that would be worth putting me and my kids through all this crap.

Plus, I'm just not very patient!!!!!

Have you heard the difference between a prostitute and someone who goes after a rich guy? Nothing, just the price.

I completely understand your lack of forgiveness. I will never forgive the OW either. To me, forgiveness means that you will no longer hold that particular transgression againtst the person or judge them for it again. Forgiveness is a favour granted to the person that wronged you. For that, you need that person to be remorseful. Well, I don't owe OW any favours and she's not remorseful. She doesn't deserve forgiveness.

What you can do is let go of your hatred and anger. It's easier said than done and it does take time, but holding onto it just hurts you.

But how do I let go of the anger and hate without forgiving?, which I don't think I will EVER do.

ExH has NEVER admitted the A to me, shows no sign of remorse. He goes along merrily like it was no big deal. He was unhappy, so he moved on with her. Lalalalala

Cat
I too am the most impatient person on the face of the planet. But, you have to learn how to give time to heal--and you may never heal completely.

Just keep in mind that your xH truly is a POS and that is what he has chosen. You can not help what path he chose but you can control what path you take.

I am so sorry to hear about your kids having to go to IC. You are right--they should not be having to do that. But, just try to turn this around to be a positive situation. You put yourself and your kids first, be good to yourself and good to your kids. WxH will eventually regret his decisions but be the better person--for you and your children.

Thanks Dawn,

My kids are #1 and they always will be. I guess that's why it hurts me so much that they have to go through all of this.

ExH puts OW and himself first.

I'm not sure if he'll regret what he's done. He's been gone 3 years now and he doesn't seem to regret a thing!

Well, when he sees his kids grow up and become the upstanding person that he obviously wasn't/isn't he will. Just teach the kids well, be there and love them.

For example, my H's mother just up and left him and his 4 other siblings when they were in their early teens. He had a very hard life for severaly years but eventually joined the service and learned a great trade. He now has an awesome job. His mom is old and alone now and none of the kids want anything to do with her... So, see? We reap what we sow.

Just love the kids, enjoy them while they are young because they will be grown before you know it. You can not enjoy them if you are being eaten up inside by anger and resentment...when your kids are grown they will know that they had a wonderful mom and a scumbag for a dad....
And, like your friend told you--there is someone out there for you. Do you to go church? What are your interests? You have GOT to find another outlet for this pent up anger you have inside. It is not serving you.

We let go without forgiving all the time. Most of the time we aren't even aware of it. You likely had a teacher that gave you a hard time in school, or a bully in your class or neighbourhood, or someone who cheated you out of a job or promotion somewhere along the line. You likely never think of them now, but once upon a time they caused you great angst. It's highly unlikely you actually forgave them - just forgot about them.

Face it, there are rotton people out there doing rotton things. If we dwelled on them all the time, we'd never leave our homes again. An OW is just a rotton person who happen to cross our paths in the most intimate way possible. It takes longer to let go because the scars they leave are deeper and take longer to heal. But eventually you do heal and with enough scar tissue, she can't hurt you anymore and you just stop thinking about her. Without forgiveness.

You deserve the peace of letting it go. You do not need the humiliation of absolving her of her wrongs against you. There's a huge difference.

Just an afterthought Cat... Have you ever seen the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun"? If not, go rent it. If so, then see it again. It is a wonderful story and may be inspiring to you. I watch it because it is probably the closest I will ever be to Tuscany!!!
And, please remember--you are the only one you can control.

Hi, Catgirl. I'm sorry your WxH has done what he's done and that neither he nor the OW have seen the wrong of their actions. That must hurt beyond hurt.

If I may offer my thoughts on something else... Hate it as much as you want, your WxH is having a child who will be a half-sibling to your children. It sounds like he is a horrible father to your kids, but if they see WxH at all and have any kind of contact with him, they may have contact with the baby too. Whatever you say about the OW is going to be picked up on by your kids. I'm not suggesting you lie about the OW and what happened. I'm suggesting that you consider your words and actions as they relate to the baby. The child doesn't deserve consequences for his/her parents' abhorant behavior, yet unfortunately that baby may be seen as representing their deceitful betrayal and treated unfairly because of it. WxH's and OW's lies should not be paid for by the child.

I'm not in your position and I have no right to tell you what to do -- this may be virtually impossible. I'm thinking of the OC who's world is messed up before he/she is even born -- none of it of the child's doing. I have a friend who wanted desparately to have a relationship with her half-siblings growing up but because of fueds between the parents, it wasn't able to happen. She still resents the parents for it.

God bless you.

Hi Dawn, Under the Tuscan sun was on 2x last night. Your right, it is a good movie about "moving on". Too bad we can't move on in Italy also.

Hi Cat, I know you are bitter, it is hard not to be. I feel your unjust and hurt by the lack of remorse. That Karma bus WILL come around no matter what it is like now.

I agree she will always be a ho, tramp, slut whatever your choice word, does not change in M or with child or whatever. They will continue to try and make it right and it will never be right no matter how they pretend. It was based on lies and deceit and will continue till the day they die.

I worry that my H will M the OW (plastic pinata) also. But I think of this.

A pig could put on a white dress but guess what; its still a pig.

"Practice seeing the gift that having a corrupt man out of your life gives you. I know you miss the man he was, but that's because he's gone, not because he's over there. That man is dead and gone and will be as long as he's with her! All those qualities you miss that you feel she stole - she didn't get them at all - she got what she is out of him..."
Those words help me so much because I'm going through it too...I was a great wife whose H left for OW so they could do drugs together and party...they're having a gay old time at my expense, left me with the bills and broken heart...but...judgment day is still coming and I wish with all my heart he/they could see that. They live as if there's no tomorrow but that isn't wise or prudent. Sooner or later it'll catch up to them. And when they've run out of resources from using me, what're they going to do then? Right now my life may be lonely and I have to work hard to pay the bills he left behind, but ten years down the road where do you think we'll all be? OW knowingly stole my H from me with no thought to me...how well do you think she'll fare when he leaves her for the next one? As for him, he'll never know what he's thrown away and missed...

Looking,

I'm not to the point yet where I can accept him having a baby. Yeah it's gonna happen, and yeah it will be my kids 1/2 sibling, but as horrible as this sounds, I really hope my kids want nothing to do with it. Yeah that is extremely selfish I know, but right now, at this point in my life, that is how I feel.

I so wanted more kids. We tried for a long time. Never happened. I wanted to keep trying. ExH said he was too old already, we were done. Adamant. WE WERE DONE!!! Now he gets her pregnant, and he's much older than when he made that statement to me. That hurts. Yes maybe part of me is taking it out on the kid, but I will never be happy for them having a baby. Sorry, but that's how I feel.

I guess it takes me back to the attitude of OW got my H, she got the kid I wanted, she got the lifestyle I should have had etc. etc.

I'm still trying to come to grips with it all.

Cat,

""I wanted to keep trying. ExH said he was too old already, we were done. Adamant. WE WERE DONE!!! Now he gets her pregnant, and he's much older than when he made that statement to me.""

I bet you a dime to a doughnut that when the HO told him this he FREAKED!!!!!!!!!!

:MrEEk: :MrEEk: ...................That was fun!

The above are stages of his realizing what he is in for.

And if you hear he is pleased as punch....WHAT THE HECK ELSE IS HE GOING TO TELL THE HO??

IMHO

kirk

krusht,

I hope you are right. OW's ExH told me when I exposed to him a few years ago, that they were trying to get pregnant but she had a lot of problems and was told the only way she could was via in vitro. So if she did that, then I imagine ExH was on board with it all and it wasn't a surprise.

But I have no idea if that was how it happened. He'll never tell me!

I had to find out by accident that they were even having a baby!!

Cat,
Stop beating yourself up over this. You are right! She is a Ho and so is your Exh.

But since your not, live the life God intends for you and disregard the adulteres.

They will never see the kingdom of heaven, rest assured.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Cat...take a few deep breaths...in through the nose and out through the mouth...

Now--I'm sure that this pregnancy was an accident--don't you think? I do not think that your WH did this on purpose. Doesn't make it any better but...

Just think of it this way. Your H is toxic waste...be THANKFUL that this poison is out of your life and you need not have to deal with him any longer except on a limited basis.

Be grateful for the children that you have. Enjoy them. Just be thankful--some people can not even have one child. Love and cherish the ones that you have. This man will get what is coming to him one day. Wash your hands of him.

bumping for Cat....

(((Cat))) are you there?