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Joined: Apr 2009
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Well, I just found out 2 months ago about my husbands infedelity, according to him it happened 3 years ago, he says it started 2 months after our son was born.. and lasted 2 months. I am now 4 1/2 months pregnant and found out about his affair, only because my obgyn informed me of an std that I needed treated asap..due to my condition. I am so hurt and betrayed but I know that I am not in a position to make a rational decision that is to effect the rest of my life and my kids life...How do I get trough the next 5 months without causing stress to my unborn child,,,,and how do I deal with my growing sadness.....

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((((Baby+2)))) Welcome to MB.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

So are you saying this is a second affair? I've heard that some STDs can lie dormant for awhile. Is it possible the STD is from his 1st affair?

How long have you been married?

Take care of yourself FIRST because that baby needs you to be healthy.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Oh honey, I am so sorry frown The timing IS awful, but do try to remember that babies are born to absolutely horrible situations daily and they thrive. You cannot NOT feel all of this, it's just not possible. Make sure your doctor is aware of what you are going through so that they can monitor you more appropriately, and do everything else you can to be a healthy mama. It's not like your boozing or drugging yourself, you're just feeling stress.

I am by no means an expert, here, but I highly advise you IMMEDIATELY just order all Dr Harley's stuff, and dive in. Knowledge of the process will make you feel more empowered. You CAN fix this. (((hugs))) If you are not much of a reader, grab the CDs wherever available. You CAN do this, and your baby will be fine. Take care of you, because your body is what takes care of that baby.


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
M 2000
Child, 5.5 yrs

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NO it's his first affair...and only?????I only found out about it 2 months ago due to the call from my obgyn...He had no option but to come clean since I knew it was not due to me...Even though some std's can remain dormant, through blood work and cultures they will show positive even if dormant.. We have been married for 4 years this July... Thank you for your reply I was a bit scared at first but I know I need to talk about it in order to get some of my sadness out...I'm so confused and worried for my 2 kids...one with him and my eldest 7yr old from my first marriage. The hard part is that he is such a great dad.

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I know how you feel, honey. My marriage was good to every estimation I had, and then WHAMMO, my H just announces out of the blue that he has NEVER loved me. Lo and behold, it quickly comes out that he had gotten back in touch with a toxic chick from his college days whom he had had an obsession with, and she reeled him right back into an unhealthy mental state where he "realizes he never loved me." You're home now... we're all in (or back out the other side of) the same swamplands you're trekking. (((hugs)))


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
M 2000
Child, 5.5 yrs

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Okay. So is your WH (wayward husband) repentent? Is he being transparent now? Do you know who the OW is? Is she married? Has he told you ALL the details. Anything you want to know? Are you SURE it's over?

It would be great if your WH is truly remorseful, it makes recovery of your marriage easier.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Does he also have the std? Did he have it treated and not warn you?

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He has to have or have had it to pass it on. Likely he never knew. Men exhibit few to no symptoms of many of the common ones, but pregnancy testing is pretty comprehensive and won't miss them.


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
M 2000
Child, 5.5 yrs

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Just so you know, you can do this with a healthy baby. I did. My husbands first affair. I got pregnant with my second child as I got antibiotic resistant gonorrhea. Then I found out about the affair. I had to take experimental antibiotics without knowing if it would hurt my baby or not. I was stressed as much as I think anyone could be until my son was born healthy. He is now a big, terrific 23 year old.

It is not easy but you will make it through just live from moment to moment until you can move to hours, then days and you will get through. ((((hugs))))


BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons

D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.

Started real recovery 07/15/10
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well the first sign and it was a big one....I missed or better yet I chose to miss, was only about 4 or five months after the birth of my son, so going on what my husband has told me, only a couple of months after the affair began. I got a herpes outbreak, but at the time my insurance would not cover the test that determines weather it was a or b. For those who don't know one is sexually transmitted and one is not. In retrospect I now know that I was too afraid to find out the truth and that is why I did not just fork out the $300 dollars to get the test done. It was easier living just saying it was not sexually transmitted..I also did not want to beleive that he would be capable of cheating especially so soon after the birth of the child he had been wanting for so many years. Not so bright hugh!!! My weekend was pretty busy with the kids and family, there was no real time to think except for the sleepless nights that are becoming so very common. I feel like I am just going through the motions of everyday life in order to get by, I don't want my kids to suffer...How can I get through this wihtout causing damage to my beautiful kids?

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HOW DARE HE..........Can you take sleeping aids? DUDE

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well due to the fact that he gave me herpes and clamedya, and i'm about 5 months pregnant, and I had to take so much medicine and antibiotics already I am really hesitant to take much else, I am also going to have to start to take antibiotics ona daily basis once I reach the 28 week mark to try an avoind any break outs, so that I can have a normal delivery, and not have to have a c- section. What a bummer right. After two normal births to know that due to his actions I may have to have a c-section that freaks me out...

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Baby,

I know you must be massively stressed. PrincessMeggy asked some really good questions.

Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Okay. So is your WH (wayward husband) repentent? Is he being transparent now? Do you know who the OW is? Is she married? Has he told you ALL the details. Anything you want to know? Are you SURE it's over?

It would be great if your WH is truly remorseful, it makes recovery of your marriage easier.

Knowing this info will really help you get suggestions and advice pertinent to your sitch.

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He seems to be, and yes I know who she is she is actually someone who was close to the whole family, not because of the type of person she was, everyone knew she was trouble. She just ended up at my mother in laws house do to her troubled past, left 3 kids back in her country, and just left them to fend for themselves along with her ill mother...She has no education and shortly after getting here we were all warned by her family members back home that she would be trouble...I guess my husband took it as an invitation....
I really want to work past this and he is willing to go to counseling. At first I knew there was more to the story than what he was fessing up to, eventually he came clean about it all. I do believe him it's just so hard for me to stop throwing it in his face...He hurt me so deeply and in the condition I'm in I think it just makes it worse for me...Everything he does reminds me of what he did and I try to control myself for the sake of our kids but at night when they are sleep, I can't hold it in and usually cry myself to sleep and of course wake up with a terrible headache, and back to the races we go...How do I make it easier on myself for the sake of the baby I'm carrying?

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Hon, as a mom with a child who is severly disabled due to herpes encephalitis I URGE you to have a c-section along with taking the acyclovir before birth. I did not know I had herpes, never had an outbreak that I am aware of but did have a fever of unknown origin 3 weeks before my DS birth. Please do not play games with your child's life. Here is an article talking about c-section being safer.

C-sections do reduce newborns' herpes risk
A major study finds that a woman's chance of infecting her baby depends on how doctors and nurses manage the delivery.
By Jane E. Allen
Times Staff Writer

January 13 2003

For more than 30 years, pregnant women with genital herpes routinely have had Caesarean deliveries. But some obstetricians have considered abandoning the practice because they weren't sure it lowered the risk of mother-to-baby transmission.

Now they know it does.

The first major study putting the practice to the test has found that performing C-sections on women with active herpes reduces the rate of newborns becoming infected during delivery.

"We were never reassured that C-sectioning everybody [with active herpes] was the right thing. No data had existed. That's where this study becomes important," said Dr. Iffath Hoskins, executive director of women's services at Memorial Health Medical Center in Savannah, Ga.

Health officials estimate that of the 4 million babies delivered each year, between one in 2,000 and one in 10,000 are infected with either herpes simplex virus-2, more commonly called genital herpes, or herpes simplex virus-1, which originates orally but can infect the genital area. Herpes simplex viruses attack the central nervous system of babies and can have potentially devastating effects, such as cerebral palsy, blindness, deafness and even death.

University of Washington researchers studied 48,390 deliveries at two hospitals that routinely tested women for herpes viruses (although that's not a common practice). They found that a woman's chance of infecting her baby depends greatly on how doctors and nurses manage the delivery. For example, among the 202 women who tested positive for herpes, 60 underwent C-sections because of visible lesions at the time of delivery. None of those mothers infected their infants.

Because treating a newly infected infant with antiviral drugs can be dangerous, the researchers, led by Dr. Zane A. Brown, recommend taking more preventive measures. Those include checking mothers for lesions and performing surgical deliveries. They also advised taking precautions to avoid breaks in the baby's skin, such as limiting invasive fetal monitoring. Scalp electrodes can leave scratches that let the virus get a foothold.

One unexpected finding was that newly infected women who tested negative for herpes were at an even higher risk of transmitting the virus than women who tested positive. That's because newly infected people have the highest concentrations of the virus in their bodies, and because they haven't made antibodies that can protect the fetus.

The researchers said pregnant women should be urged to have a herpes test, have their partners tested and avoid becoming infected through unprotected sex in the final months of pregnancy.

Hoskins said the study affirms the importance of testing every pregnant woman to identify those who "shed the virus unknown to themselves and their providers."

"We'll still miss a few, but we should miss the least amount we can," she said. "This article is reminding us that our current steps are not enough and we should consider the additional personnel and financial expense of getting viral cultures and testing the blood."


If you want a personal account of the HORROR of herpes, ask an encephalitis survivor or a caregiver like me.


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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My intention was not to convay that I did not want to take the meds for herpes during pregnancy, I was talking about what so many had suggested on the sleeping aid and depression part of it....I read and copied your literature that you sent me and I am going to have my husband and obgyn read it...I do not want to put my baby at risk for such a horrible thing...I will take your advise to heart. Thank you for your kindness....

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If I can save just one child from this...

(((babyplus2)))


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8

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