Share one account.

IMO, yes. He has shown his boundaries are weak.

I forgot - one of my FB "friends" is a minor celebrity.
Jill Conner Browne (she accepts all friend requests LOL)

She is THE SPQ and author of the SPQ books.

I like that answer!

Oh, that makes sense! classmates.com probably has its fair share of affairs, too, but it's not as easy to use as Facebook and doesn't have the big membership that FB has. That does make sense.

He has my login and password and I have his.

MF, it would be wrong for him to have an account if you are not enthusiastic about it.

It would also be wrong for YOU to have an account if HE is not enthusiastic about it.

I like the "shared account" thing, I will consider talking to him about that...I have to first decide if it's something I really want to do.

I guess even that makes me a bit nervous...during the A he had a myspace account in which he contacted ex-girlfriends and looked others from his past up. He could do that with a FB account as well, I suppose...what I really WANT is for his boundaries to be iron clad so that I don't have to worry about this sort of thing anymore...it's a real bummer.

Yes, he's shown he has poor boundaries.

This is something you guys should POJA.
Two possibilities that come to mind are:
He gives you his login and password
You both share one account

Sharing one account isn't too bad - you won't want to see all his friends' updates all the time and he won't want to see yours... it turns into noise that you have to trudge through to get to stuff you're interested in. So you can make groups of friends (for example, I have highschool friends, college friends, family, work colleagues, and a couple based on interests like gardening or music -- I've put some of my friends into more than one group). Then you can filter things so you only see "my friends" or "his friends" updates and comments when you log in. You can change the filter with one mouse click, it's super easy.

cat,

I think this is exactly right. Facebook and the like pose a unique set of temptations related to reconnecting with old flames. Even "innocent" curiosity about how an old boyfriend's life turned out can lead to a road you have no business going down. The risk is too great.

Here is an article and a blog relating to this phenomenon that I thought were interesting.

Does Facebook Encourage Adultery?

Facebook affairs

Also, no one is saying this is the only way affairs can start. Of course the workplace and current friends are fertile grounds for an affair.

My wife was contacted by an old flame after he Googled her and found her work email. They hadn't spoken or seen each other in more than 20 years. This led to a brief EA, with statements of lingering love (by OM), discussing their breakup, emotional apologies, old affectionate nicknames, etc. I found out and ended it before it went too far. The resulting damage almost ended our marriage. We are still in counseling and trying to recover 17 months later.

To think Facebook doesn't make affairs easier is naive, IMO. That MB folks don't get this is beyond me, especially given the many examples on this very site of Facebook affairs.

To those defending the use of Facebook and saying that they have no intention of using it to have an affair: Of course you don't intend to have an affair. Almost nobody wakes up and says "I'm going on Facebook today and try to find my old boyfriend and have an affair with him."

Why put yourself directly in the path of temptation?

Facebook, MySpace, and the others have high security measures. It's all about boundaries and making YOURSELF accountable for your own actions. So many people want to blame these sites for affairs, murders, and other stuff. "It wasn't me! FB made me do it!" That's bullcrud. I am really sick and tired of people not taking resposibility for their own actions and poor boundaries. The boundaries are there. If they choose not to use them, then it's their OWN FAULT, not FB, not MySpace, not anything else. They can only point the finger at themselves.

I have the same fears, MF. Luckily, my husband has no interest in FB for himself. But if he did, I would want his password/login. And we'd have to be connected--just like we are on LinkedIn.

I'm glad someone finally pointed out the OBVIOUS!

I am not sure if Facebook is the real culprit here. May be because they are the most popular. BUT there is no denying that as we become more "advanced" it makes it that much more easy to facilitate these affairs using some of the tools out there.

My wife conducted her affair with IM, Cell phone, emails to begin with. Without these, who knows, she could still have had the affair BUT it made it that much more easy. They bring strangers closer in a short time and makes people cross their boundaries that much more easily. AGAIN, I am not blaming any of the tools out there outright. At the end of the day, if someone blamed FB, cell phones or dating sites for affairs, I would respond, "you must be nuts". But then not everyone is not like you and me. For some it takes that one temptation or two to cross the boundary.

SMB, good, thoughtful question.

Chewie knows i have an account and it is easily accessible on my computer, which is in public view in our shared study. The password is known to him, but i keep it signed in anyway. I discuss things I am doing on FB with him.

I keep my profile accessible only to friends.

I would not be comfortable with Chewie maintaining an account, for precisely the reason MarriedForever stated. Chewie has shown himself to have poor boundaries.

I maintain the same "open computer" policy with respect to everything I do on the computer. It's all right there out in the open. Chewie doesn't choose to look, but he can if he wants to.

Anyone who wants to keep secrets can easily do so. Hidden accounts, secret cell phones as close as the local grocery store, unaccounted-for bits of time.

How did we possibly ever have any type of social contact and human life before Facebook?

Oh the horror of living in the stone age without Facebook.

I'm an alcoholic but I'm just using the Jack Daniels to clean cuts and to disinfect the toilet. How dare you tell me I should use something else besides Jack Daniels. Its ridiculous to think I'd be so weak to be tempted to take a sip occasionally.

It's raining today. My son comes home and asks me if I've heard anything about whether or not there's LAX practice today. I haven't (why would I? LOL). I ask him to call a few team members. He comes back upstairs and says "I don't know." I say "no one answers their phone?" (of course no one calls the landline anymore either--the kids either text or call each other's cell). So he says 'no one is on Facebook".

LOL

HHHMMM:

"4 out of 10 affairs start with Facebook?"

It seems with a divorce rate of 50%, then Facebook COULD be lowering the divorce rate if only 4 outta 10 get involved and that other studies suggest that 60% of all marraiges are tainted by infidelity.

Depends on how you look at statistics.

And you don't need FB, or MS, or anything else to get introduced to an AP. All you need is to get introduced.

What you do after that is your choice.

LG

Because I think it is incorrect to say that Facebook is putting yourself directly in the path of temptation. That's like saying you shouldn't have beer in the house because you're putting yourself directly in the path to become an alcoholic. If you have the viewpoint that everyone on Facebook is going to eventually have an affair, you would be incorrect.

You should definitely view it with eyes wide open, but unless you have a specific reason to think it could be a problem (past affair, being secretive), I think it's overreacting to think Facebook will lead to you or your spouse having an affair.

I just recently started using Facebook as a way to keep in touch with my family and their lives. My husband and I often read FB together. I don't have to worry about giving him my password, we share the same one for everything.

Come on people, get real. FB is just like anything else that can lead to adultery. Affairs get started in churches for God's sake (no pun intended). Should we stop going to church because of that possibility? What about coffee shops? Your kid's soccer game? What about posting on MB? It wouldn't take much to "hook up" if the interest was there.

It's all about PERSONAL MORALS and BOUNDARIES.