I'm not falling for it, I have no doubt but what can I do? Nothing! I am so angry that he still lies, eats cake, and expects me to still be here "just in case".

After PB was broken, I told him how it [PB] was giving me peace. He agreed to only email me regarding our DD. But now MY addiction has raised it's ugly head again with me trying to fix him, educate him, convince him....all the crap I was doing before. This is after I had decided to proceed with the D. If this is anything like the addiction of an A, I guess I can have some understanding....

And the thoughts of him with this new OW makes me feel like he is laughing in my face!

vst,

This is exactly what we told you would happen...... I'm not saying this to tell you, "I told you so", I'm saying this to remind you that you have the choice to do THIS or go back into plan B.

THIS is going to lead to a nervous break down, which would be perfect for his ability to get full custody of DD from you. This man is NOT your H, he is twisted and evil. You are not safe doing THIS. But you still have a choice!

ok so my choice is to go back to Plan B right? or divorce I guess....but I have to agree with Turtlehead, that would only be avoiding the insanity. After all the talking we've done since PB was broken.....I guess a new PB letter would explain what and why I'm going back?

It requires a decision on your part to restore and fortify your boundaries of Plan B. We will still help you, you already know that.

You were doing very well with Plan B. Everytime he attempted to break it, your actions sent him the message that you meant business.

He was sneaky and called from another number to get through. We can all see how easily you got pulled out of plan B. But if you go back into it, you have got to be fully committed to:

hanging up the phone immediately
changing the email addy that he knows (he will send an email from another address)
change your cell number

You NEED plan B. But YOU have to choose to be in it.

Your Plan B was working...for you...and he was getting the message.

But IF you let him through, he WILL control your mind. He does it over and over. The key is to never let him get the chance.

He will push HARDER this time because he believes he can bully you out of it again. He will use DD to get to you again. It will be much worse this time.

Think hard about plan B and your commitment to it. It does MORE damage if you go back and forth.

Yes, I'm so thankful to have you.....I will take some time to pray about this.

But I'm interested in what a new PBL would look like?

It doesn't matter unless you are committed to Plan B.

I asked you earlier, "How committed to Plan B are you?"

HI All..

I'm curious...How DOES Plan B end? Correctly I mean according to Harley?

I know it was great for me and it is FOR me. It helped protect me from myself....he's going to say "what's the problem, I said I'd only email you about DD??" I'm the one that got started back with the M talk. He might not have gone there.....So I'm back to fearing his anger again....I feel stupid for failing. But you're right, I'm right back where I started and I don't know any other way to stop it. I do think a nervous breakdown could eventually come of this. I realized that this a.m. when I woke up crying. My friend was concerned for me when I called her sobbing.

I want to look within though and be sure I will be committed, knowing it will be even harder this time.

Could I just leave him alone and be ok? If he only emails me regarding DD? Or is that enough of a trigger for me to go back to my behaviors? I'm just thinking out loud......

I recently saw a thread discussing just that. I think it's name was just that...How does PB end?

He said he would be willing to talk to a counselor....Do you think him talking to Dr. Harley would be a complete waste?

Frank,

Surely, you know how plan B ends according to Dr. Harley. So I'm surprised that you asked.

It ends when the WS agrees to all the conditions of the Plan B letter, or when the BS divorces and moves on and chooses to come out of Plan B (or they may choose to stay in plan B forever).

The very first condition that must be met in all cases is no contact, that starts by writing a NC letter that BS reads and mails. The IMs are often the ones to make sure this step is started and completed. The conditions after that are dependent upon the situation and were addressed in the Plan B letter.

He also said he would NOT meet the other conditions of your Plan B letter. So counseling is a waste, yes.

He also said things like: you want me to change my work habits and you know I love the lake, I don't know if I can/would be willing to change that either. FC has never been important to him. We've always done what he wants to do (i.e. lake/boat). I'm sitting here still wondering what is there to save?? Our M has been in shambles for years. I don't feel that he has EVER had FC even since DD was born. If I'm not going to save the M I don't know that I can be committed to PB. When I think about him never coming back home, it just doesn't feel right. To think this is the end doesn't feel right. Aren't you supposed to just know and accepting is easier??

Does anyone have a real 2x4 to hit me with?? I think that might be what I need!

VST,

I'm sorry you are struggling and beating yourself up. It's so easy when we find ourselves vulnerable to the outcome of reconciliation and recovery.

Trust me when I say there is NOTHING easy about Plan B at all. It is a risk for sure, but what other course do you have. If you are in danger of a nervous breakdown, then you need to take care of yourself, learn about yourself and let G-d take care of your WH.

He isn't the man you married, he is dangerous, destructive and hurtful to you and that's NOT what G-d wants for his children.

I understand all your fears, I had them. If you want, go back to my thread around Jan-Mar 08 and see how frickin scared I was. Everyone told me that I would be ok, it was the right thing to do. I didn't believe them but I did it anyway.

IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO FOR ME. I am no longer that person. One who still holds out hope for my M, but it's in G-ds hands and I work my life as G-d directs me.

Trust the process. You can do this.

Hi VST. Please leave your husband asap. He has so little respect for you that he is cheating on your with multiple women AS IF HE WERE SINGLE!!!

He has no right to be married to anyone as long as he is skirt chasing. Get a divorce with a bulldog attorney helping you ASAP!!!!! Value YOURSELF. He knows he can push you around he has for years. He has cheated for years and your marriage has been bad for years and he has not tried to make it better.

Here is a question for you.

Is it easier for you to stay married with him and let him have all the other women he wants to have sex with ....with your blessing....or is it easier for you to divorce him.

These are your two choices. He is not going to change if you do Plan A, Plan B,, Plan C or even Plan F.

He is going to be the same old cheating [censored] who could care less for what damage he is doing to you. So if you can live with that, then do what you want, keep the "marriage" if you want it that badly.

It is better to divorce and find a man who is good, loves only you, and will never even think of cheating on you.

Have you figured out why he cheats so much? Are you heavy or ugly? What is it? Is he just a [censored]? :twobyfour:

Here is how I feel about your husband: :twobyfour:

Thank you Queenie. I just don't understand how anyone handles knowing that your WH is with OW. This OW is different, she is available for him during RR at his favorite place, the boat. I'm about to pull my hair out!

I was doing well in PB until it was broken. Now it's a jumbled up mess.......

NO ONE can handle it seeing your husband boinking another man. I know some can do plan B for a few months. But I am not one of them. Honey, when will you be ready to divorce him?