Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 70 of 72 1 2 68 69 70 71 72
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617


"Funny......now that you've called me a sweet woman I can't be mean to you....and you know that is my nature. Even when someone hurts me I find it extremely difficult to hurt them."

And please dont let your WH change that. Its a good way to be. That is why you need to protect yourself from his hurtful fogbabble. smile

Last edited by stillhere8126; 05/15/09 05:33 PM.

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
Quote
Thanks Frank but tst said it would be a waste of time and I think I agree with that right now. He's still too foggy.


Right... I said to ask Steve Harley though because that is a little breakthrough isn't it? Him mentioning MC... Although if he is with a NEW OW I fear his demons may be deeper than MC... BUT.. Harley is the expert.. he would know better than us...




It’s not the absence of trials that determines our happiness
Its the absence or presence of God
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
O
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Originally Posted by PLEASE HELP
Quote
Thanks Frank but tst said it would be a waste of time and I think I agree with that right now. He's still too foggy.


Right... I said to ask Steve Harley though because that is a little breakthrough isn't it? Him mentioning MC... Although if he is with a NEW OW I fear his demons may be deeper than MC... BUT.. Harley is the expert.. he would know better than us...

Sometimes I sense a slight breakthrough but then I'm just not sure of anything...



Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
O
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Originally Posted by stillhere8126
"Funny......now that you've called me a sweet woman I can't be mean to you....and you know that is my nature. Even when someone hurts me I find it extremely difficult to hurt them."

And please dont let your WH change that. Its a good way to be. That is why you need to protect yourself from his hurtful fogbabble. smile

Thanks... {{{{Still}}}}.



Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
verysad, you are not hurting me by telling me to stay off your thread. Just as you are not hurting your husband by doing a dark hard Plan B. I know you love the good in people. Like me and your husband..I do too. Then it is hard to set boundaries.

But the fact my husband never had an affair and I am not giving you the right advice means you can ask me to stay off your thread. and I can respect that. Maybe it is not appropriate for me to be there even though you like me better now.

I guess you could say, " I like you but please stay off my thread"

And with your husband: "I love you but please stay out of my life in every way unless you quit talking to other women".

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
O
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Originally Posted by Bubbles4U
And with your husband: "I love you but please stay out of my life in every way unless you quit talking to other women".

Thanks Bubbles, that is actually good advice. You don't have to stay off. Just a little more gentle maybe?



Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
OK

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
VST, what about today? Have you resolved to not come in contact with WH AT ALL today? Make it a day-by-day resolve, and it will get easier. Don't look at it as an all-or-nothing deal, just for today. And then tomorrow. And on.

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
O
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Thanks Cat, I don't have plans to have contact with him today. He is picking up DD for the weekend. I won't see him.

This new hurt (new OW) is very hard on me. I'm very depressed...



Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
What can you do for exercise today? Bike ride? Hike? Tennis?

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
O
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
I don't know if I can muster up the energy to be honest....it's raining so I can just do my usual DVD workout.



Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
O
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Need help now!! WH just sent me this email and I need a VERY GOOD RESPONSE!!

"You know I really hate that you are hurt and I hate the fact that my family is falling apart... It seems like its just too big a problem to fix... There has been so much damage... How could I ever fix it?"



Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by verysadtime
"You know I really hate that you are hurt and I hate the fact that my family is falling apart... It seems like its just too big a problem to fix... There has been so much damage... How could I ever fix it?"

Reply:

"Let me know when you are willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make this marriage work."


Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Plan B, right?

What did your PB letter say?

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
O
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Plan B, right?

What did your PB letter say?

As far as conditions? NC with co-worker OW, sell the boat, agree to MC of my choice.

But now I'm pretty sure there is another OW that hangs at the dock.



Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by verysadtime
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Plan B, right?

What did your PB letter say?

As far as conditions? NC with co-worker OW, sell the boat, agree to MC of my choice.

But now I'm pretty sure there is another OW that hangs at the dock.

OK.

Stick to the one sentence response.
Do not sign it with any closing remark. Not even your name.

He's close to bottom ... keep him falling.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
read this link that Mark posted on another thread ... where do you think WH is today?

http://www.yourmarriageadvice.com/Affairs-Infidelity/7trials.html

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Originally Posted by verysadtime
"You know I really hate that you are hurt
This is not an apology, far from it. He hates that he got caught. Wayward Babble!

Originally Posted by verysadtime
and I hate the fact that my family is falling apart...
He is saying it's a fact that my family has fallen apart, yet accepting no responsibility for his affair being the cause. Again, Wayward Babble!



Originally Posted by verysadtime
It seems like its just too big a problem to fix... There has been so much damage... How could I ever fix it?"

This is WH saying, I'm not interested in meeting YOUR requirements, YOU'RE just asking toooo much of me to leave my job and stop contact with the OW #1....... Also another way of saying, "You are just making to big of a deal out of this stuff". Again, Way, Wayward Babble!





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Sounds to me like he's between 5 & 6.

He is falling.
He is about to find out how much bravery/courage/valor he's capable of.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
.... or not.

Page 70 of 72 1 2 68 69 70 71 72

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (Sourdine), 94 guests, and 85 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
annonymous, Robert Robertson, Myramillan, rufaia1231, esenlee
71,889 Registered Users
Latest Posts
20 appointments and $1000’s later…
by IrishGreen - 10/30/24 06:20 PM
Happening again
by jah - 10/29/24 10:00 AM
I grounded my wife - am I proceeding correctly?
by Mature - 10/27/24 02:05 PM
How Do I Tell Him I Don’t Love the engagement ring
by BrainHurts - 10/22/24 09:30 AM
Children
by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 03:02 PM
Can I become attracted to anyone?
by phinnino1 - 10/11/24 07:57 AM
MBRadio show discussing electric fence pers.
by phinnino1 - 10/11/24 07:55 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,614
Posts2,323,458
Members71,889
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5