Hey claygal, I see you went into Plan B! I think that was a good idea, but I hope you are committed to it? Have you cut off all contact with him? Does your IM understand that she is not to pass on anything except pertinent information about finances and visitation?

Thanks for checking in mel. Susie - I did forward IM info and she has read it.

I have cut off all contact with him, although it has only been a day...

Next question - What do I do if he goes to her and says he wants to talk to me about R?

Unfortunately, in this case recovery isn't open for "discussion" from your side. It is a demand for commitment. A calculated demand in this case, because your demand establishes the MINIMUM expectations in order for you to consider recovery with him.

So your Plan B letter names YOUR boundaries, not his. You've told him the minimum requirements for recovery, which probably include no contact for life with the other woman including extraordinary precautions to prevent contact (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html) and a commitment to go through one of the MarriageBuilders courses together (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi9000_courses.html).

Contrary to the opinion of some other posters, I don't think Plan B should be a referendum on what should be improved in your marriage. Your mutual commitment and follow-through with a recovery plan will see to that. The key is to ensure no-contact-for-life with the other woman, and gain his consent to EXTENSIVE extraordinary precautions to prevent future contact.

Unfortunately, it's gone on so long now that you're on your last legs, and so is he. Stand firm on those two requirements (commitment to NC and commitment to a recovery program) and as long as he isn't willing to meet them, you'll just get on with your life. The day he commits to your IM to those two things is the day a meeting can be arranged.

I know you don't want to lose him, but by having this inappropriate relationship he already endangered your marriage. These are the natural consequences of his actions.

Hi Claygal. Not to seem like a pest but for some reason I continue to feel like I need to check in with you often.

How are you? How are things going in Plan B?

Hey NS2. I am glad you checked in.

I have been very dark. Have not heard from him at all. Neither have kids. He asked youngest via text if she wanted to do something this weekend and then never followed up. Luckily she was very busy this weekend.

It has been very hard, but I'm sure I'll get through it. I am feeling a little better today. Yesterday was horrible.

Just a thought, but maybe you'd want to drop by AnneMarie's thread? I don't know her story but it looks like she just went into Plan B and had a hard weekend as well...

Sorry you had a bad weekend ~ hang in there!

I guess WH didn't understand plan B letter... or maybe he thought I would crack. I got a text from him this morning asking what the kids are doing Wed. I didn't answer. Shortly after got another text saying ' never mind, I'll just ask them'

I'm sure he is trying to crack my shell. but it doesn't make it any easier. when I got the first text, and realized it was him after I opened it, my heart started pounding out of my chest.

Hey clay glad your understanding what he is up to

"Im sure he is trying to crack my shell..."

This should help you stay strong and firm in your decision to follow plan B. I still think you are doing the right thing and that it is getting to him. Remember when people used to say absence makes the heart grow fonder, in your case this is only achieved by time.

lets evaluate the silent progress so far.

1)He IS affected by letter as responded, and although it was in the predicatable WS way it was nevermind an instaint reaction. if he didnt care he would have ignored letter.

2)He is pushing his luck daily by trying to contact you one way or the other and now getting desparate so using the one thing he knows will likely get to you, the Kids exuse (even though before letter he wasnt exactly making plans with them)

3)His constaint attempts at contacting you is due to him feeling vulnerable, this will get worse as time goes by.

You are doing well and although you did open text you did not respond and it has given you a glimpse as to why vets on here suggest not opening any of his communication, its to protect yourself from the "heart pounding in chest" and not really about him.

Please remember that he has been in this stupid fog wayward behaviour etc for a long time now so your not likely to get instaint obvious positive reaction to plan B. It will take time for the penny to drop for your WS and if you stop expecting things to happen as quickly as you feel they should it might make your life a bit easyer and help you ignore communications from him, set yourself a target i will restist communication for one week, then assess progress, if none made then again set next target.
Baby steps Clay thats the way to do this one.

Take care of yourself and enjoy not cooking, cleaning, washing, ego stroking, conpromising with WS while you can!

Hi CG,
How is WH getting texts through to you? You've blocked his numbers, right? Stay dark, and any time you see him try to break through, be sure to cut off that avenue so it can't be used again. The darker the plan B, the better the results.
Have you been able to verify with OW's H that there has been no contact?
((CG))

I haven't blocked his phone number, not sure how to do that. Guess I was thinking that if there were an extreme emergency, (car accident etc..?) I would want him to get ahold of me. But I guess his parents could in that case. But I don't know how to do block phone number.

He is trying his very best to break through my boundaries. Has been calling and texting all day, but I haven't answered.

He is very angry as oldest daughter responded to his text asking to see her this afternoon, "I have too much homework and I don't want to hang out with you anyway." Tried to get ahold of me all afternoon.

I am waiting for fall-out as in-laws think he walks on water, and it would be pointless to even try to explain my position to them. I will be the bad guy no matter what.

Hey Claygal was beginning to wonder where you were, thought you were giving us Plan B too lol

is it wrong for me to get all exited on your behalf that he is sooo trying to contact you?? HE CARES!!!

Dont worry about in laws they will get over it no matter what happens. if they truly love him that much then they are going to want to see him happy and he isnt going to be happy chasing homewrecking so and so's. He belongs with his family and if he got the guts to work at the mess he got himself into he would be a much happier person hence dont worry about inlaws for now.

Just make it clear you are not stopping him from seeing DD's and you are not influencing what they think of him etc. the NC only applies to you and not your DD'd. Keep clarifing that point as he might use it as his sympathy card with inlaws.

Good idea. I have said similar in past about DD's. I will make sure he knows I am encouraging them to see him.

Who gives a flip? Do they run your life? Do you get your life's worth from them? Did they raise a morally conscious son?

Live your life for YOURSELF. Everyone else (except kids) is ancillary.

CG- to block a phone number, it's usually pretty simple. Go to your phone company's kiosk in the mall if you need help. I would block it because you have an IM to serve as the go-between. He'll learn to use the IM if he knows the phone calls aren't going through.
((CG))

Thanks - I'll try that. WH is still trying to crach my shell. Got another text from him last night, rather flirty. I didn't reply.

Feeling strong today, after a horrible night. Wondering if my marriage can be saved though. WH has been telling himself for a long time that OW is the love of his life. Expecially hard since it is an ex-girlfriend. I am still thinking that he doesn't have the strength or fortitude to do the right thing. He is still in his pitty party, or seems to be from what he texts DD's.

DD's still do not want to have anything to do with him. That is hitting him hard, but he is still not fully accepting why. I think he still blames me for telling them, not understanding that it wasn't me being honest with them, but what he did to destroy our family. He also doesn't seem to understand that they will continue to feel this way for a long time unless he does what they feel is right. He has shown them so little remorse. Only apologizing for 'what's going on'. They are so smart they see right through it. I was thinking about having 1 close friend call him. I think this person might be able to get through to him if he hits rock bottom, and I am thinking he is starting to be there.

I am not letting up my guard. I am creating a list of things that are crucial for recovery. Things that are a requirement for his return, if he should choose to try.

I am sure he is a very lonely, lonely man right now.

CG, until he really and truly GETS IT, that he and he alone is responsible for the fallout from his affair, he will continue to spin his wheels.

You are in Plan B. Stop thinking about WH and what might get through to him. Instead find a way to block his text messages.
Or get a new phone.

claygal, just stop it. Plan B means moving on with your life and refocusing your efforts on building your life without him. you cannot control him and are not going to anywhere with this tactic.

Let him hit his bottom and stay out of his life.

And Lexxy is right, you shouldn't be reading his texts.

Everyone is right, CG. Your last few posts sound like you are dwelling on what WH is thinking, doing, etc. That's the opposite of what you should be doing now.