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OMG Scotland,

WH would have to be crazy for this not to have made a HUGE hole in his fantasy.

Be easy on yourself now


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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Heroic. Amazing. Strong. Perseverant. Courageous. Loving. Considerate. Protective. Virtuous. Self-respecting. Honest. Beautiful. Compassionate. Upright. Principled.

All these things you are today, Scotland. You were these things yesterday. And you will be tomorrow. Your new-found ability to express these traits has solidified them in you as part of your true character.



Opt


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
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((((((Scotty))))))),

Oh honey, I am sooooo very proud of you. I know this hurts, but you truly are doing the best thing for YOU, your children and your marriage. DON'T EVER EVER doubt this.

You handled everything beautifully. You truly did.

And someday (I don't know when), HE will look back at this and remember how loving and graceful YOU were. His respect for you will grow because of this.

I'm bumping up another thread for you (I can't seem to do this link stuff very well....I'm no techie...). It's called "My gift to you". Its a thread by a wonderful VET named Mimi. She did a great Plan B, though she contented that it was because of her Plan A that her H finally returned to the marriage. They are recovered and have been going on 7 yrs. now......Anyway, you will see how hard but yet rewarding Plan B can be. She took a HUGE leap of faith in this process and even sold her and her H's dream house....Its a good read....

Anyway, I just wanted to drop by and see how you did. It'll probably be a rough morning for you....I suggest a Pedi...... laugh

I for one am amazed at your strength..... kiss


not2fun

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hurray You've done so good. Wow! This could not have been handled better - you're a champion.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by Scotland
My mom left my dad in July 2008 for another man. My parents still talk to each other everyday and the joke is that my parents are having an affair with each other. My dad put a deadline of december 10th for my mom to come home. Well, it passed and today they were both at my party and my Dad made a couple of comments to her about her coming home.

Scotty,

One more thing....this is an interesting story. When you feel like breaking Plan B (and you will), please look at what you wrote here.

You mom is the very definition of "cake-eater".....and your Dad ENABLES it.

This is what happens when one doesn't take a stand, nor stand by convictions.....

I am sorry to hear about your parents......One would think that watching her daughter go through this, that Mom would see the pain and devastation that affairs bring....

(((((Scotty and Dad)))))))

not2fun

ps...I can relate to the whole family drama....My sis had just ended her A when H started his....My mom and dad seperated (not A related, but my mom is a "lifer" wayward....) 1 week before my dday, and my MIL had left my FIL 2 months prior to Dday....very messy stuff....

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You did great. I'm so sorry that you're hurting.

((((((((Scotland))))))))

You will make it! None of us have any doubt about that.

You were right about how he'd have kept cake eating forever. His head must have been spinning when he realized you had a plan.

A plan he never saw coming.

Stupid sloppy waywards...he needs to give OW "notice" Oh that is rich.

Be good to yourself. Extra good.

We're all praying for you.


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Scotland ~

I was thinking about you all night last night...you did GREAT!! Truly awesome!! It could not have gone any better!

You will go up and down over the next few days...be prepared for the roller coaster of emotions. Here is my exposure/Plan B thread...you will see how I crashed really hard right after going into Plan B. It might help to know that others have been where you are right now and come out on the other side:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1832782&page=1

[P.S. What is your mom saying about all of this, knowing she did the exact same thing to your dad? Is she recognizing that the pain you are in right now is the same thing she is doing to your dad???]


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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I stand in awe of you, Scotland. Truly. Wow - OW is probably not used to your H being needy LOL. Because he can't look like anything BUT a needy loser right now. And the fantasy begins to fizzle...

Stay strong, girl - it's working for you.

{{{{Scotland}}}}


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Thank you all again. I know it was a true shock for him. As far as having to give OW notice. He also said when he was talking about somewhere to take the kids when he had them, I had said that I know he had somewhere to live. He corrected me by saying he had somewhere to stay not a place of his own. I was a little confused, did he really expect me not to see that he is moving IN with OW? Or maybe he was just not telling himself the truth yet. Well regardless, I am sure reality is setting in a bit.

He had asked me why I packed all of his tools because he was going to leave them here so he could fix things when they were broken. I responded with "My Dad and BIL will help me fix things I can't" and he just looked at me so I said "This is the reality of the situation."

As far as if my Mom sees it, I don't think so. I think she is really foggy still and I KNOW she is cake-eating. Actually my parents' sitch is part of the reason I knew I had to do what I did last night because I couldn't live the way they have been. It kills my Dad everyday and I know I couldn't do that.

I feel slightly guilty though, because I haven't really put pressure on her until now. She has always known that i don't like her THING(that's my term for POSOM) but I had tolerated it. When she wanted OM to come to my kids' xmas concert instead of my own Dad I lost it on her. I told her that I would never like him and that she shouldn't be mad at my WH for what he is doing because she did the same things. It was pretty ugly but I don't know how much of it sunk in.

I have tried to tell my Dad not to talk to her anymore and I know he has tried a couple of times but he gets sad with the withdrawals and he does get some needs met by talking to her.

It is a messed up sitch that I definitely didn't want to get myself in. That's why I am so glad to have found MB and all of you.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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((( Dad )))

How old is your Dad?
Probably around my age (60).
He could use some MB support.

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My Dad is 50 (he was 16 when I was born). He definitely could use some MB support but he won't come on. He doesn't use computers and he has a hard time talking about his feelings. I have explained the concepts and other things about this site but to my surprise most people don't understand MB concepts. I, myself, find them quite understandable and very straightforward.

I hope that maybe he will see how I am dealing with my sitch and maybe he will want to follow MB concepts then.



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Stopped in to see how last night went ..... you did so well. hug Hold your head up high, very high for not caving in to adultery.

Originally Posted by Scotland
He had asked me why I packed all of his tools because he was going to leave them here so he could fix things when they were broken. I responded with "My Dad and BIL will help me fix things I can't" and he just looked at me so I said "This is the reality of the situation.".
I've read similar things like this from BW's, WH's thinking they can still come and go,
have their cake but yet ease their guilt by
stoppin' around to 'fix things'.
Crazy talk .... and thinking.

I'm off to a Christmas gathering but did want you to know that I'm thinking of you, we all are! smile


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Quote
He corrected me by saying he had somewhere to stay not a place of his own.


Her place will always be "her place"...it will never be home.

You could not have picked a better time of year to Plan B him.


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Originally Posted by Vittoria
Originally Posted by Scotland
He had asked me why I packed all of his tools because he was going to leave them here so he could fix things when they were broken. I responded with "My Dad and BIL will help me fix things I can't" and he just looked at me so I said "This is the reality of the situation.".
I've read similar things like this from BW's, WH's thinking they can still come and go,
have their cake but yet ease their guilt by
stoppin' around to 'fix things'.
Crazy talk .... and thinking.
brain fart ....... I suppose they do this too cuz they still want to be part of their family. IDK, I didn't have to deal with that.



M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Originally Posted by Marshmallow
Quote
He corrected me by saying he had somewhere to stay not a place of his own.


Her place will always be "her place"...it will never be home.

You could not have picked a better time of year to Plan B him.
I agree, although it's the toughest time to do this, it has a tremendous impact with Christmas being so family oriented.

Gotta go, I'm gettin' later by the minute!


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Originally Posted by Vittoria
brain fart ....... I suppose they do this too cuz they still want to be part of their family. IDK, I didn't have to deal with that.

Oh no, you were right...WH's DO want to come back to cake eat, (get their BS's fixes), as well as to try to ease their guilt, and get their family fixes.

It's all of those things.

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I know that he wanted to cake eat that's why I made sure I had responses to things that he would say. He asked me how I would get to work if I didn't have the truck and I said "Family, friends, bus and taxi. Don't worry I will still be working." Then he asked what I would do for my night shifts and I said, "Oh, I changed my shifts to days so I don't have to worry about that." It was like he wanted to keep sticking himself in.

I think he was really surprised that I had a solid plan and not just flying by the seat of my pants. I don't know why that would surprise him though I ALWAYS plan. Things don't always go according to plan(it's called LIFE), but as long as I have a plan to follow I can do ANYTHING.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Hey scotland, now will be the time that you might start to doubt yourself. I pray you stay the course.

This guy would be crazy to not try and get his crap together and work on his marriage. What an awesome warrior of a wife he has.

I would not be as good of a judge as these veteran posters to tell you when or how to get him to help himself. But he needs to do the work now. When the other affair ends he still will need to do a lot of work even though he will want to come right home. I know he will want to come home.

Make him jump through the hoops that he needs to to get you back. You are worth it.


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Quote
I think he was really surprised that I had a solid plan and not just flying by the seat of my pants. I don't know why that would surprise him though I ALWAYS plan.

He was projecting. Since HE was flying by the seat of HIS pants in his fantasy world, he thought YOU were too.

What a tailspin he must be in.

Quote
but as long as I have a plan to follow I can do ANYTHING.


Yes you can!




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I had a hard time the night before Plan B. I cried a lot last night but it was mostly about the fact that he actually left. I know I was scared that he wouldn't go, but at the same time I had hoped he would finally wake up and choose me. He is a harder nut to crack I guess. ;D

He hasn't tried to call yet today and that is surprising me because I thought he would at least want to talk to the kids.

I WILL NOT be talking to him myself and I don't think he would actually try to talk to me.

My SIL wrote to me today and asked what was going on. She actually said some funny things to me about this stich. Funny only because she had an A four years ago and got pregnant and then left her husband for OM. She said she hoped that WH would not bring OW to xmas at MIL and I respectfully told her that either way I didn't want to know about it. I told her that I had to save myself from any more pain and stay out of his drama. I also said that this was the best way I could preserve the love I do have left in case there is a possibility of R of my M.

Honestly, I do worry about him though. I know it is going to be a while before I stop thinking about him and when triggers aren't there anymore. He was the first thing I had thought about for the past 18 years. I love the man he truly is. I hope he finds himself again and then finds his way back to us. Here's to keeping HOPE alive.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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