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#22971 10/21/99 07:45 PM
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 12
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PLease help anyone. My wife said that she needed to do this [ leave that is] and I knew I couldn't change her mind. We lived here in ATL and she took kids and moved to SC which is 4 hours away. I am in this big house hearing the kids voices and freaking out. I have to get a roomate because I can not afford to make the mortgage and utilities and child support. Everything seems to be moving so fast. Room mate is some one from work and they're moving in this weekend. For the past two weeks I've been boxing the kids stuff up along with W's and every night I cry myself to sleep. This hurts soo much. I feel so rejected, unwanted so incomplete. I probably deserve everything I am going through, lord knows I haven't been a good husband or father but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I love my kids and wife and I feel I have lost them forever. It's hard getting up in the morning and going to work because thats not where my head is at. It hurts even more coming home because it feels so hollow now. <P>Wife recently posted I guess thats why I'm posting, she hasn't posted in a long time. I don't know if it's a good sign that she posted, her alias is Fed-Up, you tell me. She seems to feel better know than the entire time we were together. I really feel I've lost her forever. My therapist said that since she left there is a strong posibility that we will grow apart. I really didn't want to hear that, but I guess I needed to. Any body here going through this?<P>I have so many mixed emotions. One second I've got my emotions in control and the next second I can barely catch my breath. <P>Aaaarrghh! What am I going to do?<P>------------------<BR>Oh just SHOOT me!<BR>

Joined: Apr 1999
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Lost,<BR>Separations are no fun. Are very rarely for the marriage, but at the same time are not always the end of the marriage. Read my profile. I'm in my 6th separation. The good news is he came back 5 times...<P>Never mind the rest [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] you feel bad enough as it is.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

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hello lostone, long time since we talked last. I am not so sure that I have anything new to offer you, except a shoulder and a couple eyes to read.<BR>Remember you are like my husband, but caught a few yrs younger! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <BR>You are in so much pain, and I really feel for you zeke. My h was in a lot of pain when he confessed to me as well. It was such a horrible thing to see his pain pouring out of him. It took me awhile to find compassion for this man that had ripped my heart out. <BR>But the compassion was there, just buried in pain. I would imagine it is the same for your wife? You are still a part of her life, but she has too much pain to see it right now. <BR>A few months ago I never thought I would say this, but you do not deserve the pain you are having and you do not deserve to feel imcomplete. You deserve to heal, just like the rest of us. You deserve happiness. <BR>You made some pretty big mistakes, and it is really up to both you and your wife to heal the marriage. To show your kids that marriages have problems, but nothing is insurmountable. You said you have not been a good husband or father, but seems that you are willing to be both now. <BR>Start with being a good father. Spend time with your children. Can you sell the house, get a new job closer to the kids? How does that effect the restraining order? If that is an issue, then keep in contact with them by e-amil and snail mail. Even young kids can open cards, drawings, notes, etc.<BR>Do not give your wife any reason to renew that restraining order!! Be careful and be smart. I remember that you pushed her? You are now in counseling for the abuse? Then you should be able to document some progress. <BR>It may be too precarious at this point but will your wife talk with your counselor? Would that make her feel safer, more sure of where your head is? <BR>I am so happy to read that you are working on yourself so much. That you are finding yourself, looking at what drove you. Where are your personal issues? Where is your original pain lostone? <BR>I think cossie could help you on this one! <P>Your wife and kids are not there right now. I know you miss them terribly and feel responsible, but use this time to do something good. Are you going to church? Exercising? Eating? It is very hard to take care of yourself, but you have to. The kids need their dad!! Find some ways that you can be the best dad. (((hugs))) cl

Joined: Sep 1999
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I read your post Lor, I believe you've posted to me and to my wife under my other alias, new-zeke, when things were bad but not as nearly as bad as they are now. This is just tearing me apart. My Father left my Moms when I was about ten and he came back nine years later when he had intestinal cancer. They were only back together for 3 months before he died. So for me the reality of seperation is that there is no getting back together. That breaks my heart whenever I think about it. This all hurts so much.

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Oh cl, you don't know how your words have affected me. I haven't been eating or exercising or anything. It takes all my energy just to go to work and school and act as if in the inside I am not a mess.<P>I put pictures all around my computer and when I look at them I cry because they don't deserve this. They shouldn't have to feel the pain of living in a broken home and it's all my fault. My life seems to have lost it's purpose without my family. <P>And everyday it just gets harder... today someone asked me hows the baby and I know they saw the tears swell up in my eyes as I said he was fine. I hold a position where people have to have confidence in my ability to perform so its so hard to "act" normal. I'm not feeling normal. I feel rejected and worthless. My family has abondoned me... or I've chased them away. Either way something has to give. I pray to God for the strenght to endure and mantain and I know he hears me.. but he must be disappointed in me too.<P>I have to go to work tomorrow and I don't know if I can lay down and go to sleep. I feel and look like crap. I haven't been eating or sleeping well. I feel myself becoming unraveled.<P>------------------<BR>Oh just SHOOT me!<BR>

Joined: Apr 1999
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You know I had to respond..."Zeke", "June", who ever you are today, you know I just had to respond. <P>Anyway, I need to say a few things...<P>I loved my husband more than I loved myself...I considered my feelings when I wanted to do things...it was always, "well he's going to feel this or that way"...Now I don't have to do that. I don't have to worry if he's going to mistreat the kids, or not speak when he gets home...and although he may have changed, how do I trust that he won't fall make into the person he used to be...<P>While he's looking for sympathy and forgiveness, I'm trying to keep the tears back from all the pain. I think about the times, he offered to take the "babysitter" home...I think about the times I would beg him to talk to me, make me feel wanted or desireable, treat me like a woman, like a wife...he was too pre-occupied with those other women.<P>The night I had given birth, my husband took the tape of the birth home to watch...some of my sister's friends were there (19 and 20 year olds)He sat there watching the tape, telling these young girls how I'm going to have to perform oral sex on him because there's no way he can "screw" that again...for lack of a better term...these are things that I being asked to forget about...while I can understand him being stupid enough not to know what he had, but these type things are just totally disgracing, disrespectful, how could he profess to love me or his children.<P>I really didn't mean to go here, but after seeing all of this , it really began to piss me off. I don't know if he's sincere or not. I don't think I will ever know, but I do know that I have three chcildren that need there Mom, whether or not there father decides to become a better person.<P><BR>


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