FCal,

I know going to the VA is difficult right now. But you are right to deal with the PTSD stuff. It will help to "put it all in its place". I don't know a huge amount about neuroscience and memory. Mark has an exceptional thread on the recovery forum about dealing with memories and how to manage them.

Re. the marriage. I am so sorry that it was not what you thought it was and that there is more ugliness to get through.

What things are you doing for yourself? Do you like running or going to the gym? If I remember correctly, you were thinking about some plans for the future, going to school? Can you do something every day that "takes you outside yourself?" and find a way to stay busy?

Best wishes.

AM

You should start some new traditions for you for Christmas. Volunteer at a food bank? Take a trip you've always wanted to take but never did? Take a class in pottery to learn to make some presents? What else can you change so you'll have something to look forward to? Here in Houston my radio station puts on a BLT party for New Years - black tie, lingerie, or toga required. Find something like that!

Fcal
It is good to know that you are home and are safe. I had been wondering about you for a while.

I know that what you are going through is tough but, as always you are doing the right things. And, just keep in mind that with your M, you are the better person. You did not even truly know your wife and the dispicable things she was doing/saying. You will be better off in the long run.

The others are right in that you need to take up new things. Whatever your interests are--do things that you've always wanted to do but never had the chance.

I've always been told that the best revenge is to live well. And, it sounds as if you are working on that.
Good luck and please try to keep us posted here. We all think of you and wonder how you are doing.
And, welcome home soldier...again, thank you for your service.

Thank you all for remembering me and commenting on my thread. I just got home from church and thought I would add to my thread. I'm so pleased to see comments of positive feed back. I've been spending my time getting back in touch with old friends. I've been getting out a lot with hanging at the tavern, playing pool, going bowling, and just hanging out at friends houses. I stoped going to church a long time ago and before my deployment I was trying to find a good church to go to. Since I've been back I found some of the friends I used to go to church with and went with them. I have been going with them ever since I've been back now and I don't know if it's just the church or the friends I go with, but I finally found a church I feel at home in. One thing I'm looking forward to is having a beach bonfire with my friends. I haven't been to one of those in years. I still have yet to go back east and see my family there to include my dad. This divorce stuff was taking so much time I couldn't really get away for any more than a day or two. Now things in the process are starting to die down and I plan on heading out of state after the new year. I'm rediscovering freedom, friends, and the ability to have fun over things other people would consider stupid or childish. I'll talk to you all later and keep in touch.

FCAL
So good to hear from you and I'm glad that you are doing well. You have come a very long way since the beginning of this thread. You are really doing well and it sounds like you're enjoying life now.

You take care and keep up the good work.

I just started reading this thread,
Thank you for serving our country. Sorry you have had this heartbreak.

It is fitting that you have responded to the crystal clear sources of authority and that it has helped you in this painful part of your life.

I am glad to see that discipline is working to protect those who live in service to others.
May God richly bless you.

So far my divorce is going along and I should have the final agreement and signing on the 23rd of this month. I can't wait untill I can finally say I'm divorced and this process is all over. My soon to be ex wife still e-mails me and gives little jabs here and there, but I just ignore it all and know that I am the bigger person and won't get pulled into that childish game. I'm moving forward and taking this oppertunity to better myself and rediscover who I really am. One thing I've started doing is learning how to dance. I used to hate dancing because no one ever taught me how. Now I've made a friend who took college classes in dance and is teaching me. I feel a lot more comfortable now that I know how and I actually enjoy it. Things are looking brighter every day and as bad as it was, my deployment was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. My friends all say that I'm the happiest that they have seen in years. Well gotta go for now, just though I'd give you all an update.

Hi FcalSoldier-

Congrats on learning to dance! I have always wanted to learn ballroom and it's still one of my goals.


I guess this will be an early "Christmas present" in a way.

So, :MerryChristmas:

PS: As the mom of two DSs who will begin serving in the next year or so (Army ROTC and Marines) I also wanted to thank you for your service to this country.

FcalSoldier,

I'm new on here, but was touched by reading your post. My husbands deployment to Iraq was key in the soon to be end of our marriage. I stayed at home and waited for him. Initally he told me that he was going to make me a priority in his life, but have since learned that at about the time he said that he signed up for a dating website. I really think it may have been his Facebook account that started the affair I presume he's having.

I almost cheated on him after he had accidently sent me an email between he and a friend in which he was saying he wanted to be with a woman he works with stateside, and he also said that I was little or no effort on his part. The following night I went to hang out with some mutual friends. They are like family to our family. One of the guys is married, but was going through the same thing as me; pretty much. He coincidentally happens to be the person my husabnd is most jealous of, although I had never thought of him in that way. We went dancing and it felt good to have someone be kind and tender. We almost did something, but I stopped it telling him that if we did, we'd be like our spouses (his wife was constantly cheating and my husabnd had cheated on me 3 years prior on our anniversary too.

Instead of taking that route, I focused on caring for myself. I was looking very good when my husband came home for leave. It was nice to have his attention; it's all I ever really wanted. But once he got back to Iraq and told the guys how good I looked, they convinced him I was cheating. I wasn't and never have cheated; not even on past boyfriends. It's just not in me

When he came home this last time, he went to his hometown to visit his family and never came back. He left me a voicemail saying we are getting divorced. It's been 2 months since he left and we will have to sign papers next week; so he's in a big hurry.

I'm hurting a lot, but find strength in your last post. It makes me feel like I can make it through this too. The pain just won't stop though, it stinks!

So glad you are home and safe.

Now be sure to take your time, and get the PTSD treated. Remember it is a normal response to abnormal conditions. Don't let the war rob you of a good life, you have sacrificed enough already.

Also be cautious after your D is final. Our MB men get snapped up like hotcakes.

You can always email me if you need resume help - I've done millions for guys looking for government jobs. And no worry, I'm old enough to be your granny.

Soldier I am so pleased to hear that you are still doing as ok as could be expected. Please continue as others have suggested with the PTSD treatment. As B said you have given enough so make sure you get well.

Yes go and see your family and also have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

Take care over the holidays

I haven't really been on lately because I've been so busy. I am going back east to finally visit my family that I haven't seen in far too long. I wanted to see them when I got home, but with the divorce and all I couldn't take off and do that. Now I'm getting my oppertunity and I have to get a lot done to make sure that happens. I'll talk to you all when I get back and let you know how it all went. I wish I could say more, but I've still got a lot to do.

Well I got back from visiting family back east and everything was great. I had a good visit and it was about time I was able to see them all. While I was out more progress was made toward my divorce and the papers are signed and submitted. Now is just the waiting game for the approval of the court. The Army has been calling me and apparently they are under the impression that I'm still in and they don't bother to look at the ETS date on my DD 214. I've had to set them straight several times and one time was for orders for me to go somewhere for a military function. So far over all things are good and coming along. Thanks again everyone for the support you gave me here.

So glad that you are continuing to keep us posted. While no one wants to be divorced, I hope that you will move on. Have you gotten treatment for the PTSD? Hope you will. You have been going through a lot of stress for a long time. Things can only go up for you.

By the way, I talked to the ex of my WH's OW today. He is completely happy again. His story was very sad. He was fighting in Iraq when my WH and his wife hooked up. He came back to no job, no wife, and a 12 year old daughter to care for. He had a hard time for several years.

But his daughter is now going to school at UC Santa Barbara. His cheating wife is out of the picture, and he met an Australian lady in Dubai. They are now together and have been for two years. She is younger, prettier, and has better morals than his ex.

You will come out of this just fine. I promise you that.

Brother, thanks for your service, (I am a Marine and Air National Guard, retired).

I feel your pain and I have served with too many guys who received the "Dear John" crap, its sucks. I know it doubly sucks being overseas, not being able to do anything about it, in reality.

I know everybody and their brother is under stress over there but you are going through emotional stress beyond all belief. That is why they took your ammo and such.

I wished I could help you brother, I am only a few months post Dday, so I am in my own pain. Stay strong.

I'm still waiting to hear about the finalization of my divorce and we plan to have a party when that day comes. I am recieving treatment for my PTSD and have my VA medical benifits kicked in. Since I've been back I slacked on the PT (physical training) and put on about twenty pounds. For the past three weeks now I've been staying on the ball with doing PT every day and starting to feel better and even got my brother into it. I've made a big life change and things are still looking up. I just need to get into the rythem of things so I can keep up my positive routines. I am blessed to have the friends and family I do to have made all this positive. I know things could have been a lot worse, but all in all it's all going pretty smooth.