You're doing GREAT, Fred!!!

Hang in there...Stay tough! By tomorrow at this time the worst will be over.

**OT** Kohl's has 40% off all bath accessories!

Good job, Fred!

I think your plan B is getting to her because she is testing to find ways around it. Good answer! If she sees you really mean it, she will start to take it seriously.

If I had found MB before we'd put together the settlement agreement, I agree, I wouldn't have done this. But it's a legal agreement and I'm bound to it.

Heck, if what it costs me is three months' payments, I still think I'm getting off cheap.

What's the end game, ML? I'm right at the edge of putting her behind me. Today showed me how petty she can be. I mean, she wanted the freakin' porch swing, fer gawdsake! It was probably the first thing we put up when we moved into this house because she wanted a porch swing. It's nearly a permanent fixture. She's moving into an apartment -- where is she going to be able to use a porch swing???

Oh, I know. When our D is final, and OM's D is final, they're going to ride off into the sunset on a porch swing together.

I survived. Thanks for asking.

I have a headache. In fact, I've had a headache most of the day. I didn't do much of anything and yet I feel drained.

I am appalled at how petty The Leopard is. She wants EVERYTHING she thinks she bought (did you read about the wall plate in the bathroom? I've already replaced it, btw). She wanted the porch swing, even.

On a scale of 10, I'd give myself an 8.5 or a 9 for not losing it. I took a couple of digs at her, and I once or twice showed my disgust. But on the other hand, I was offering coffee, food and gave her pretty much everything she asked for (including a couple of things she didn't deserve).

Ye gods, it's only been 2 � months for me. How do people put up with this stuff for a year, a year and a half or more?

You know, when I finally quit drinking and came to A.A., I couldn't wait to work the Steps and get my life in order. I feel the same now. Yes, I know I will have to process anger, grief and the trust issue. I am also torn between wanting to sit on the sidelines and watch The Leopard and POSOM self-destruct and just erasing any semblance of her out of my life (which I know is the sane thing to do).

I have another day tomorrow. It wasn't too hard at first, but after about five hours including movers traipsing all over the house, I was on a pretty short fuse. No movers tomorrow, so it will be just The Leopard, her DD, my friend(s) and me. Fun.

Until the swing falls and her tush gets smashed to the ground - remember karma bus goes round and round...

Put this visual in your brain and think about it tomorrow in her presence. You're going to get the giggles, you won't stop laughing and she's going to think your going off the deep end.



Gg

Oh gg, you and I both know what's going to happen. I'm not a betting man, but I would bet my entire mortgage on it.

According to one site, "Statistics show that 67% of first marriages fail. Forthose who remarry, 76% of the second marriages will also fail. Those who go on to a third marriage have an 87% failure rate. Finally, those who enter into a fourth marriage have a 93% divorce rate."

Combine that with the 3% success rate of "affairages" mentioned on this site, I give The Leopard a negative percent chance of succeeding in her current path.

Isn't that what I meant in my post? I guess I did a poor job of trying to make you laugh tomorrow by putting the visual of her on the swing on the floor on her tush (meaning A comes crashing down).

Gg

No, no, GG, I got it. I don't really need the visual, though.

Just knowing the ultimate outcome is enough to make me chuckle.

Does anyone here want to give odds?

• The Leopard gets her D from me. OM then dumps her
• The Leopard gets her D from me, OM gets divorced from his W and they marry

If the second scenario comes to pass, there are additional wagers:

• OM cheats on The Leopard. They D
• The Leopard cheats on OM. They D
• The Leopard leaves OM. Because she's The Leopard

Have I left any possibility out?

Living happily ever after is a fool's wager.

Hey Fred-O,

I knew you'd do fine today. Just stay the course tomorrow. If she digs on her desire for the swing, tell her to go rent an apartment by a playground. Then, she'll probably get a slide with it, too.....

If The Leopard gets her D, OM will dump her like the Cowboys dumped my beloved Eagles tonight.....I'll betcha a diet coke on it....

TB

I had no dog in tonight's fight. I would have been happy had both teams lost.

But the Cowboys looked pretty good. And broke a 12 or 13 year playoff drought. Heck, even my Redskins have a better playoff record.

She was being very "generous" in allowing me to keep the swing (especially since I don't use it -- the big front porch, the rose garden I built for her, the vegetable garden I built for her...). Had she insisted, it would have been fun watching her try to remove it.

Apparently her generosity knows no bounds. No, I mean that it knows no bounds. It doesn't know where it starts...

But her pettiness is certainly palpable and very much in evidence. I felt I needed to go out and replace the bathroom items before she returned tomorrow. I bought cheap stuff from Walmart, but there is once again a rug, a soap dispenser, towels, etc. And a wallplate!

We're in a no-fault waiting period, TB. When the mandatory period is up, either of us can file for D. I can't prevent it if she chooses to do so, and we have a settlement agreement, which means all a judge has to do is sign the paper. If I'm right in my prediction, she'll move full force to bring OM into her lair as #5. That's when the fireworks will start.

Wow! Fred you are so strong! An inspiration, truly! I think I'd turn to a puddle of mush; okay well maybe not, but you certainly have a fiery spirit!

Thanks for the compliment, EaM. Funny, I don't feel strong. I have a lot of (mixed) emotions. Part anger, part sadness, part futility, part desperation. One thing I know is that I am powerless over what is happening and that the best thing to do is to try to retain my composure and tell myself that I'll get through it and that there is an end to it.

I awoke a few moments ago (it's nearly 3:45 a.m.) dreaming of doing violence to OM. I'm not a violent person, so this shook me awake. I'm frustrated because I've contacted OMW and received one useless nonsense reply from her attorney. I wrote to OM's employer, with copies to the CEO and General Counsel, and received no reply. I copied OM on the Plan B letter, with a P.S. saying I would do what it takes to save my marriage. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. And now my wife is pursuing the destructive path that will result in the end of our marriage and who knows what damage to her, and OM will likely just move on to his next victim (except that having had prostate cancer surgery, his next victim is likely to require a little more patience with him in certain respects).

My 12 Step recovery programs require me to work on myself; that I am powerless over people, places and things. So in order for me to recover from this awful situation with an unknowable future, I can only behave in a manner that provides me with a sense of peace, knowing that when the Karma Bus comes around, I will have acquitted myself and done the best possible. And that I have done the RIGHT things in the eyes of my conscience and my Higher Power.

When I landed in A.A. I arrived as the result of hitting my knees praying to a God I didn't believe in. I have come to believe that the God of my understanding believed in me, however, and has helped me get through those times in my life when I couldn't do for myself. I'm not a religious person, but this is a time also, when I think I have to trust my God again. Because this situation is just too much for me to handle alone.

The funny thing is, my God speaks to me through other people. I sit here typing my thoughts and feelings to nameless, faceless people who can be in many parts of the world. And God responds. I can't explain it, and I don't mean that everything I read is the word of God. It's just that so often I find the answers I need in the words and voices of others, who may not even know that they are carrying the message. I just know the truth when I read it.

And that helps me get through it.

The thoughts of doing violence have faded. I think I can try to go back to sleep now.

Amen Fred! I awoke last night with a dream of my WH; not of violence on my part, but i dreamt he came to pick up our son on crutches with a broken leg. Hmmm. Premonition or wishful thoughts; I dunno; he obviously is crippled, but I found myself worried about my H who is lost somewhere inside my WH.

I really feel very much like you do, except my strength comes in very short spurts; while you seem mainly steadfast. Althogh I have prayed every day since he left; I sometimes wonder if God is really there. I believe in my heart He is, but sometimes...well I really feel alone.

I do believe in Karma or The Golden Rule or whatever; but what you put out there I believe comes back tenfold. I've seen it in action many times. But like you I know I have done right and done my best and will still do everything I can until it's over.

I also know I'm powerless in my situation; yet I yearn to feel empowered. I know that once I really can let go he will come running back; I think I loved him too much, but it scares me because I know ME and then it may be too late. I gave him ALL my heart and have never done that for any man before; I know I can't do it again; that is what is the scariest.

I'm just doing all I can to recover my soul; the part of me that is loving and kind. I feel so defensive and injured, so it's hard.

Yes, I guess it's weird talking to people you don't know. My first month I actually found solace in a woman that my husband had been hitting on who was also going through a divorce. I didn't know her at all. She went to high school with him. He had written her a very inappropriate email and I confronted her on it. She has been so amazing. She helped me and I helped her.

I think everything will work out for you. Karma will act swift and be severe, and you will soon find renewed joy in your life. I pray that for me too. i really just admire your strength. I hope to folllow in your footsteps.

I'm a little confused by what you wrote, EaM. Can you help me understand?

How do you know that he will "come running back" once you let go completely? Isn't that tying an expectation to something that is supposed to be freeing you?

As for never giving your heart and soul again, have you read HNHN?

Yes, it is. They say pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. Dammit.

Much the same way the woman the OM dated a couple of years ago helped me.

Karma isn't just for me, EaM. It's a very large bus. I am but one passenger. All I can do is keep my seat clean.

Okay, Round Two... er, Day Two begins in about four hours. It's been another night of three hour sleep (and just when I'd started sleeping a decent night's rest again -- someone was right when they told me that this unfortunate but necessary occasion was very detrimental to Plan B). I'm also coming down with a bit of a cold. I've been coughing a bit and so I don't feel on top of my game.

I'm thinking that perhaps I should just to my room while The Leopard and her DD pack up the rest of her stuff. My friend is coming by again today, and maybe I should just let him interrupt me as needed if Ms. Petty asks for another wall plate or other crucial item that "she bought" (she has some pretty selective memory about things she bought, too. She took the curtains from the TV room. I remember her picking them out, but I was the one who paid for them).

Sorry you did not get a g ood nights sleep. You know being tiered adds to anxiety, and you have a whopper of stress to contend with today.

Just remember that it is only "stuff"-- as long as she does not try to remove the chandelier .sp?- with a butterknife.... It can all be replaced, but your dignity is another matter.

I hope, after she leaves, that you sleep like a stone. Today, the goal is NOT to be "Mr. Nice guy". Well, I take that back, it is "be Mr. nice guy to all the men named Fred living in VA day."

Take care of yourself.

The product of an over-active mind (probably one reason I don't sleep well): I often feel like I haven't done enough, both in the exposure arena as well as in the carrot portion of Plan A. That's because I had virtually no Plan A and almost immediately went to Plan B.

I had thought of writing to OMW, with a copy to her attorney. Something along the line of:
It's very likely I will never send something like this. I anticipate my trusted advisors here will tell me that I am in Plan B and that means NO CONTACT whatsoever, even if it's with OMW.

I welcome your feedback.

One hour until Round Two...

Fred, don't write anything to the OMW. You need to let your WW go. You will be glad you did. She is a very broken woman. I bet she's cheated on men her entire life. She acts like a psycho, IMO.