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Well, just being fresh from the big bombshell this weekend, talking with my with for the last 4days and asking for all the details on her affairs with her boss these last 4 yrears which ended after the Arizona trip last March but phone calls became rapid with are you with him or me, I can now start to healing process. Going to our pastor tonight and then to a marriage coach. I told her last night that there will be no more late night outings with people I don't know, phone records will be monitored daily, were abouts will be tracked with a cell service and honesty will be the number one priority. Can I ask those of you that have made it this far, is this to much of a control situation?
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Nope. She has reason not to be trusted. If WW doesn't like it, she knows where the door is.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Ya, thats what I thought as well. Being a cop is a good thing in these situations then. I guess what they said in the academy is true. 75% of male cops get a divorce while 99% of the women cops get a divorce. I hope I'm the lucky one with the success rate of salvaging my marriage because I was not paying attention to her the last eight years.
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I m not sure i understand your situation. Did your W live with her boss for 4 years and now want to R?
atena
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No, working long hours, said she had to stay late which was bs, back of the store with no camera hanky panky, said she was going out with her friends instead going to a hotel, out to dinner alot, concerts while I bust my A working 6-7days a week to pay for all the toys. Been married for 15 years, just grew apart the last eight.
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ok, I see, you were living together but she was fooling around cuz she felt negletted.
Time to heal and meet her EN.
Follow the MB principles and you have a great chance at R.
blessing
atena
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Are your workhours going to allow you to spend time with WW?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Yes, I quite that job. Working more on life than for toys.
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Being a rookie cop, you have a decent schedule? Just checking...
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Yes, looking foward to working 3-4 days on and off the rest. We were greedy in what we wanted and paid for it by not being with each other. I prey to god I can trust her again and be more vigilant in our marriage.
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You sound like you are on the right track. I can't believe a OM would fool around w/ a cops wife??! I mean, they KNOW people...DUDE
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Manswers,...Sorry you are here
Your number 1, and 2 priorities should be
Get her focused, and committed to recovery of the marriage, and all that entails. ie: NO CONTACT with POSOM. etc.
Learn all you can about falling in love with each other again. Read "His Need, Her Need" "Surviving an Affair". And seek the advise of the vets, and pros on this forum.
ME: BS (50)
DW: WS (38)
M: 9 1/2
A started 1-13-09
D-Day 1-20-09
D-Day (finally admitted having sex) 10-08-09
A ended NC 1-22-09
DSs (26 19)
DDs (23 15 12)
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manswers - (love the show, BTW)
Is FOM (former other man) married or have a girlfriend or fiancee? If so, she deserves to know the truth about what he was doing. This will help prevent the A from starting up again, and it's the decent thing to do.
Does FOM have a boss? They should know what kind of employee they have - one who uses company resources to conduct an extramarital affair on company premises on company time, possibly opening themselves up to a sexual harassment lawsuit. Again, it's the decent thing to do.
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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Ya, Its amazing to what you learn on the other side and how to be more vigilant in what is going on around you. I wish everyone knew about how to figure these things out, but thats life man, we have to deal with the cards we're dealt. Thanks Dude! I will be intouch. Went to the pastor last night with the wife and going for a one on one today with him, she goes sunday. I just have to let it all out on the table of what she did to me and how I can regain my composer in this. I'm sending a letter to the OM wife as well, can't get a phone #, so I'm sending two or three in case the OM intercepts the letter. Keep you posted, and thanks, been a big help.
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Manswers,
I another thread you wrote about your wife kissing a woman...
Did your wife lose interest in kissing you after kissing a woman.
I suspect that my wife may have kissed a girl at her church when we were in a bad place in our marriage about 2 years ago.
The kissing has not come back with full passion, and she seem reluctant most of the time, which is driving me nuts.
God Bless
NJ
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No, I don't believe so. She told me she wanted to expirement with another women by kissing her. I asked if she was wanting to become a lesbian, she said no but she was asking me if it was a fantasy to have her and me with another women and I said no, because what will happen is I will have feelings for that woman as will she and becomes more difficault to deal with what we have going on now.
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The biggest part of this now is recovery for me, she needs help in finding her place with me as her husband. We spoke with our pastor yesterday which we agreed it was a great start, today it was one on one with me were I felt I could lay it on the table, she sees him on Sunday for 2hrs and me on Monday again to talk about what she is willing to do to make it work and to earn my trust again. I explained to my pastor what has transpired in detail today and what questions she must answer to him for sinning. I beleive its the only way I can come to grips with this matter without feeling guilty, becoming suicidal and knowing how much she really cares about our marriage. I love this women to death and I've always been protective of her. I was just blind by the fact that she was wanting more.
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Manswers,
if it was a fantasy to have her and me with another women and I said no
Good instinct, when I was in the bad period of my marriage, a co-worker, who said she was a full lesbian, made some comments to me about threesomes. I brushed the comment off lightly.
Looking back that would have been a disaster, the co-worker was getting no emotional support at home and would just have stuck to one of us to get her needs met. No strings attached, I don't think so.
NJ
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