hi,my name is ***** and i've been cheated on.For the last few weeks i've been trying to read every story on this website that focuses specifically on affairs and recovery.last month on my birthday,which is two days after Christmas,i came home to find my wife,*****,having a very intimate affair with my former cousin,who,i,knew my whole life and he was someone i considered my brother for life.i found our son,who is only 3 months old,was upstairs on the floor unconscious after the shock of me finding out about them wore off.i wont tell you what i did to him but i was arrested willingly (i called the police and the ems after i calmed down),and he and my son had to go to the same hospital;i called and talked to my in-laws and they are very upset with her and are calling and talking to me everyday to help me heal (even though i feel that isnt working)and she has lost her job;university *********fired her as a result of finding out of her affair from me.she is very upset with me as i with her and she has visited my cousin and son in the hospital while he was sleep (my cousin).she blames me for her affair,saying that she would've stopped the affair if i hadnt walked in the house.these are just a few of the obliterating things she says to me.i am very frustrated and i've done everything within my ability to stop this affair.i've installed key loggers in the home PC,even bought HNHN,calling and telling her friends,and i've been monitoring her cell phone which is a part of our payment plan and i've told my family also and me and jenna had both visited our families to discuss this issue and its been unsuccessful.my aunt,who is the mother of my cousin yelled and screamed at me for what i did to her son and i have to be honest:i feel bad too.the meeting with my family ended tragically.everyone at the table were arguing and everybody except the aunt of my cousin were blaming my wife.i've been crying about everything that happened so far,especially what happened to my son,and i feel i have nothing or nobody to talk to except for my dog,who is 12 and me and him are buddies.LOL.me and **** have been greiving over what happened to our son seperately and we just had one big argument about what happened on my birthday,last night.this was the first night we argued since it happened.even though our son is in stable condition,i still feel so sad,and i feel very pissed that ***** was having sex instead of watching our son.i take full responsibility for my actions and for the state of this marriage. i am a very wealthy person,and i believe this caused her to have sex with my cousin,because i was so busy (i am a surgeon.but since i told my boss,he suspended me with pay until i modify my personal problems.)


my son should be coming back next week.he's been away for so long because he needed surgery because he has a minor crack in his head for rolling off the bed while he was sleep.i miss him so much,and if you're thinking what im thinking,you're dam right:i wish i could've been the surgeon to operate on my son.i look back and again i can honestly say i feel very sorry for what happened when i walked in the door to find my wife getting very busy on the living room couch,and to find my little boy unconscious on the floor.i have constantly felt like choking her for not watching our son and i have a major feeling that she knows it too.sometimes i just feel like i want to just choke her for saying all of these mean statements to me and half of me feels i deserve them.im starting to also feel really responsible for what happened to our son.i am depressed to the point where i just want to quit my life and everything in it that i worked so hard for.please help me.if you want to know more details,just ask,either way i will be constantly posting updates on whats going on in my miserable life.i also wished that my cousin pressed charges.he says he loves me and that it was a horrible mistake and that he was lonely.part of me believes him and part of me doesnt because if he was lonely,why didnt he tell me instead of tainting my wife,and why did she have to target my own blood?i wouldve felt a little better if it was someone else besides my fam.please help.im so messed up.

_______________________________________________________________
BH:37
WW:37
one kid:our son who is only 3 months and i miss him.
d-day:my b-day(12/27)

Okay, Okay...your post is a little hard to read, next time break it up a little more, easier to read....

So is this right?...you caught your wife having intimate relations with your cousin in your home....and while she was with your cousin you also found out that your son fell out of bed and is now in the hospital....and you beat up your cousin for sleeping with your W...

Am I right so far?

yes.i feel horrible for what happened but i also feel angry.

_______________________________________________________________
BH:37
WW:37
one kid:our son who is only 3 months and i miss him.
d-day:my b-day(12/27)

manotheyear, I am sure sorry this has been done to you. It must have been a horrendous shock to walk in on such a disgusting scene. I don't imagine many people would have acted any differently than you.

Is your son going to be ok?

And you and your wife are still together right?

I am so so sorry about your son, I hope he is okay...This is just so much for you to have to deal with I am so sorry. And your wife having an affair is in no way your fault...you may have contributed to the state of your marriage, no marriage is perfect, but she alone made the decision to have an affair, just know that, okay?

yes,he will be back in my arms soon...

thanks,i feel so mad.i needed to hear that.

Geez, who leaves a three month old infant on a bed instead of in a crib? A new low.

manoftheyear, I'm sorry you are here, but glad that you decided to tell your story on its own thread. I'm sure that people will be by to help. I do know that there are other recovered people here whose spouses had affairs with family members.

A couple of points:


While you are responsible for your actions, you are not responsible for the entire state of the marriage. After all, it takes two people to make a marriage, so your wife owns her share. She also owns the choice that she made to be unfaithful, so ignore her hurtful comments that blame you.

Finally, you are not responsible for what happened to your son. My sincere wishes for a speedy recovery for him.

pk

We will be your friends.

thanks.i told her to put him in his crib and i made sure of it before i left for work,but i guess she was too excited because my cousin was coming to see her....my cousin has openly expressed how beautiful he thought she was,but i unconsciously excused this warning because i thought he was just giving her a compliment.he was my best man at the wedding,and at the reception,i caught my wife staring at him multiple times,but again,i excused this warning.usually im on the top of my game at noticing little things such as expressions,small mistakes,etc.


how could i be so stupid?


_______________________________________________________________
BH:37
WW:37
one kid:our son who is only 3 months and i miss him.
d-day:my b-day(12/27)

And we all know too well what the depression feels like...and you also have your little guy in the hospital on top of that...Just please please do not quit life, your little one needs you, okay? I almost did that, its a bad idea, its gonna be okay...your baby is gonna be home soon and he needs his dad.

This is all a lot for you to deal with...hang in there okay? Did you think about getting some counseling right now, it helped me a lot, posting on here is very helpful also, there are a lot of caring people here to support you....


And you got Melodylane to be your friend, she is very knowledgable and caring, you are in good hands.

thanks.im very sorry for going off on you in the other thread.i was wrong.


_______________________________________________________________
BH:37
WW:37
one kid:our son who is only 3 months and i miss him.
d-day:my b-day(12/27)

thanks, manoftheyear, apology accepted.

yea,maybe,but from me reading many threads on this website there is a nasty rumor on here that MC's are really bad at their profession.me and my wife are considering IC and im also considering plan D,but im trying to hang on the rope...

_______________________________________________________________
BH:37
WW:37
one kid:our son who is only 3 months and i miss him.
d-day:my b-day(12/27)

No I am talking about counseling for you...

to be honest i feel nobody can help right now. i feel so hurt even though im saying i want counseling.


_______________________________________________________________
BH:37
WW:37
one kid:our son who is only 3 months and i miss him.
d-day:my b-day(12/27)

Please don't blame yourself for not knowing about the affair and/or for your wife's inattentive care of your son.

Focus on the small steps of moving forward and on good things, like your son's return from the hospital. Focus on taking care of yourself - eating right, exercise.

pk

It will get better...I really think you should talk to a doctor, sometimes they can even give you some antidepressants to help you get over the hump...you sound really depressed...I know because that is what I sounded like. You are going through a lot.

But that is completely up to you....we are here for you too.

manoftheyear, if you do decide to get into marriage counseling, I would strongly suggest trying phone counseling with the Harleys. They are very different from traditional counselors in that they use a behavioral approach, rather than a feeling based approach.

This article by Dr Harley explains the differences here

Have you given any thought to taking anti-depressants to help you get over the shock?

I didn't take anti-d's myself, but I did throw myself into exercise. That hour that I worked out every day was the only way I could escape the pain. It was a blessed relief and it also helped me get into shape.