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Originally Posted by faithful follower
dsd,

Sorry but seperating is not "divorced". She was cheating on her now xH with you even if that was not your intent. That explains why he told her it was time to come home. I am very sorry for your child.

EXACTLY...

You are the OM in that marriage, dsd...

You need to remove yourself from the situation...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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The hurt has been done and there is nothing i can do about it now.What has been done is done. Would I do it differnly now that i have read on this site? I most certainly would. The marriage is done in gods way and in mans law.It is what it is and a little child(3) does nt and is nt going to pay the price. If you was perfect or your spouse was you would nt be here either!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hense the repeated remarks about being a OM) Thanks but I am not somebody that just registered yesterday. I am trying and we are making improvements in our relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by dsd
The hurt has been done and there is nothing i can do about it now.What has been done is done. Would I do it differnly now that i have read on this site? I most certainly would. The marriage is done in gods way and in mans law.It is what it is and a little child(3) does nt and is nt going to pay the price. If you was perfect or your spouse was you would nt be here either!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hense the repeated remarks about being a OM) Thanks but I am not somebody that just registered yesterday. I am trying and we are making improvements in our relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!

Didn't say I was perfect - I have done all that I can to repair the damage that I did - I returned to my marriage, and we are recovered...

If I hadn't returned to my marriage, and instead stayed with the OM, do you think it would be appropriate for me to come here looking to aid/repair the affair?

What began as adultery continues as adultery, dsd...The fact remains that you are the OM...What you are saying is that you are here trying to save your AFFAIR...I think this is an incredibly poor choice of venue for you to do that...

I am sorry that a child will have to pay for your choices...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Our child wont pay for our choices and if this sight and forum supports cheaters and betrayed then I guess I will and do fit right in their with you. When a person cheats on their spouse the vows are broken to their spouse and in gods eyes so where is it anywhere that the vows are restored in gods eyes and who says?

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Actually I find it pretty incredulous that you are here...

You aren't married to this WW...

What you are calling an "emotional affair" was this WW talking to her rightful husband...Regardless of a divorce that went through while you were having an affair with that man's WIFE...

I'm sorry but this is mind boggling...Your situation would have been like the OM in our situation coming here to complain that I was talking with Mr. W - MY HUSBAND - and calling it an affair...crazy

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Originally Posted by dsd
Our child wont pay for our choices and if this sight and forum supports cheaters and betrayed then I guess I will and do fit right in their with you. When a person cheats on their spouse the vows are broken to their spouse and in gods eyes so where is it anywhere that the vows are restored in gods eyes and who says?

God does not release the WS from the convenant...

It is no surprise to me that you feel entitled to be here though...Lack of consideration for others is what landed you where you are now...

Marriage Builders is for rebuilding marriages...You are not married, dsd...You are in an affair...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Originally Posted by dsd
Our child wont pay for our choices and if this sight and forum supports cheaters and betrayed then I guess I will and do fit right in their with you. When a person cheats on their spouse the vows are broken to their spouse and in gods eyes so where is it anywhere that the vows are restored in gods eyes and who says?

This place supports marriages, dsd. Are you married?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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There has been other posters on here that were former Om Ow that were still in their long term relationship with their partners. Are not perfect in our relationship? No, but show me one that is that is on these forums. What is wrong of me to be on here trying to learn how to be a better person and husband to her as we will get married? So a cheater should not be on her for this is MARRIAGE BUILDERS not a REPAIR COURSE?

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No we are not married. We are engaged and have been togeter 6 yrs.

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Originally Posted by dsd
There has been other posters on here that were former Om Ow that were still in their long term relationship with their partners. Are not perfect in our relationship? No, but show me one that is that is on these forums. What is wrong of me to be on here trying to learn how to be a better person and husband to her as we will get married? So a cheater should not be on her for this is MARRIAGE BUILDERS not a REPAIR COURSE?

This forum is for building and rebuilding of MARRIAGES...It is NOT the "life support for an affair" forum...

Answer my earlier question...If I hadn't returned to my marriage, would it have been appropriate for me to come here to try and save my AFFAIR?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Originally Posted by dsd
No we are not married. We are engaged and have been togeter 6 yrs.

There is a huge difference between marriage and dating. Dr Harley treats them entirely different.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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dsd,

You are not a BETRAYED SPOUSE here trying to recover from betrayal or repair a marriage...You are not a WAYWARD SPOUSE coming here to END an affair and repair a marriage...You are an OM trying to fix an affair...

Can you see why that isn't appropriate in this venue?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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MRS W Your lack of consideration also landed you and your husband here too!!!!!!!!!! So that makes you a better person than me ,well be it if thats what toots your horn but I dont want to argue who is right or wrong,who is a better person or what ever. I am here to learn how to be a better person,husband and father as the technics on this site will do that.I have already stated that or situation did not start out with the ideal circumstances but I cant do anything about the past NOW

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Originally Posted by dsd
MRS W Your lack of consideration also landed you and your husband here too!!!!!!!!!! So that makes you a better person than me ,well be it if thats what toots your horn but I dont want to argue who is right or wrong,who is a better person or what ever.

dsd, she ended her affair, though. And she is married.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by dsd
MRS W Your lack of consideration also landed you and your husband here too!!!!!!!!!! So that makes you a better person than me ,well be it if thats what toots your horn but I dont want to argue who is right or wrong,who is a better person or what ever. I am here to learn how to be a better person,husband and father as the technics on this site will do that.I have already stated that or situation did not start out with the ideal circumstances but I cant do anything about the past NOW

You are RIGHT - I did get here by not considering others - here is where I learned to consider MY HUSBAND - here is where I learned of all the damage that adultery causes and what to do to fix what I had destroyed...I learned to repair my MARRIAGE here at MARRIAGE BUILDERS...

It is NOT a place to learn how to fix an AFFAIR...That is what you are doing, dsd...This is NOT "AFFAIR BUILDERS"...

Mrs. W



FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
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mel I agree we are in the best situation but we have lived together for almost six yrs have a child that is 3, and to throw that all away so that I can be right in your eyes. To throw it all away to be right in everybodys eyes would destroy a child, and then that would be ok in the eyes of some here. I disagree with destroying a childs future when god has the final judgement and what others say does nt make a diffrense then.

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Originally Posted by dsd
mel I agree we are in the best situation but we have lived together for almost six yrs have a child that is 3, and to throw that all away so that I can be right in your eyes. To throw it all away to be right in everybodys eyes would destroy a child, and then that would be ok in the eyes of some here. I disagree with destroying a childs future when god has the final judgement and what others say does nt make a diffrense then.
How is what you're doing "good for your child's future?"


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Originally Posted by Fred_in_VA
Originally Posted by dsd
mel I agree we are in the best situation but we have lived together for almost six yrs have a child that is 3, and to throw that all away so that I can be right in your eyes. To throw it all away to be right in everybodys eyes would destroy a child, and then that would be ok in the eyes of some here. I disagree with destroying a childs future when god has the final judgement and what others say does nt make a diffrense then.
How is what you're doing "good for your child's future?"

AND...What about the 2 children of the marriage? The BH's children...What about them?

You took part in the destruction of their family...How is that okay?

You understand by continuing your affair with this WW...by possibly marrying her...that you are signing up for her to do to YOU EXACTLY what you and she did to her BH, right? Because she remains an unrepentant WW - she has not learned that adultery is WRONG...You are helping her save her affair - you are helping her to believe that adultery is okay in certain situations [yours]...

You've yet to answer my question, dsd...If I hadn't returned to my marriage, would it have been okay for me or OM to come here to save our affair?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Mel can you give me some info were I can find what Dr.Harley recommends for people thay are nt married yet?

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MRS.W We are nt in a affair!I am not the OM!!!!!!!! When I met my fiance her ex husband had already moved out of the marital home and had filed for divorce. In a matter of days she and his kids was getting evicted from there home and had to move into the city projects. I do agree that the timing was nt good but I in NO way had anything to do with their divorce. YOU ask if it was ok for you or your OM to come here and save your affair,answer is no .I ask this of you .Is it ok to break your vows and to still act like your married just because mans law says your married,when in gods law you broke your vows of marriage!The web site says this is a marriage builders site and even has a section for dating, divorce as well as others.For many on this site it is black and white because it is mans law or gods law whichever fits them at the time and the ones that see it as a grey area are pushed(forced)of the site by others or a select few. I have been married 1 time and divorced once,we will be married and I plan on it to be forever as I Wont be one that married 3-5 times like some on this site. I am just trying to learn to be a good spouse before the paper(mans law) and when we get married(gods law).Also she has told her ex sorry for the way she treated him when they was married and after the divorce. I am sorry if this thread bothers you as we are different because she never had a OMin her narriage.

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