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It is so unbelievable!
The OW my husband got involved with has a Phd in psychology and has worked with individuals and couples. Yes, she has worked as a marriage counselor.
I would expose to her work except she is between jobs...in other words she is unemployed. I hear she has many job offers and if deciding which to take. So I don't know where or how to expose her. She has no business counseling couples.
It makes me feel so jaded about marriage counselors in general. How can someone study for so long in a field like psychology and yet not take any personal ownership for their feelings and actions? How can she not have any moral compass?
I know I just need to focus on my marriage and save it...but I wanted to take a minute and vent here because it is so unbelievable.
Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
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(((((MBJG)))))),
Expose her to the liscencing board. They will revoke her liscense. Gather all the proof you can, emails, phone documents, receipts, EVERYTHING, because you will need it.....
Yes, she has NO BUSINESS counseling others in ANYTHING.....
I am sorry you are going through this....
not2fun
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There was a BH on here who's WW was a Marriage Councilor.
Anyone remember that?
Last edited by Gack1; 03/05/10 03:13 PM.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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what state do you live in ?. In CA you report it to Board of Psychology. However don't put that much hope unless WH is her patient.
-rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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It makes me feel so jaded about marriage counselors in general. How can someone study for so long in a field like psychology and yet not take any personal ownership for their feelings and actions? How can she not have any moral compass? This is sad, but doesn't surprise me at all. Just an armchair potshot here, and I'm admittedly mixing up psychology & psychiatry with this comment, but if you look at the history & trends of psychiatry & look at the progression of the APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders over the years, and the vast expansion of the number of syndromes & mental illnesses that the profession (or should I say "industry"?) has allegedly "discovered," you can see that for most of those folks, it's not about reinforcing personal responsibility or morality. Rather, it's all about absolving personal responsibility & obliterating the concept of "ownership" of one's behavior. I think it smacks of venality: After all, you can make more money telling folks that they're "sick" than telling them that they're behaving selfishly. (I'm glad my wife & I lucked into an MC who believed in MB and who was willing to call a spade a spade.)
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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I would expose to her work except she is between jobs...in other words she is unemployed. I hear she has many job offers and if deciding which to take. So I don't know where or how to expose her. She has no business counseling couples. She needs to be reported to the licensing board. There are other affairs on the this board that were wrecked when a MC had an affair with a spouse she was counseling. Dr. Harley told the BS to report the counselor to the licensing board so would lose her license.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would expose to her work except she is between jobs...in other words she is unemployed. I hear she has many job offers and if deciding which to take. So I don't know where or how to expose her. She has no business counseling couples. She needs to be reported to the licensing board. There are other affairs on the this board that were wrecked when a MC had an affair with a spouse she was counseling. Dr. Harley told the BS to report the counselor to the licensing board so would lose her license. Yep. Report her asap. I have a close relative who was in the same sitch. Vamoose went the license.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I think this only applies if she is involved with her WH, otherwise, I don't think she'd be held accountable by any board.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I think this only applies if she is involved with her WH, otherwise, I don't think she'd be held accountable by any board. Oops, yeah, I think you're right, meggy. I thought the OW was counseling one of them.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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[ Rather, it's all about absolving personal responsibility & obliterating the concept of "ownership" of one's behavior. I think it smacks of venality: After all, you can make more money telling folks that they're "sick" than telling them that they're behaving selfishly. (I'm glad my wife & I lucked into an MC who believed in MB and who was willing to call a spade a spade.) I SOO agree with this! When I was in IC, the goal was to lower to bar to accommodate my bad behavior. Then I entered AA and they told me to knock that crap off and get with the program. Big difference.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would recommend reporting her even if WH isn't/wasn't her client, and even if there's nothing the board can do.
CC her and WH both with a copy of the letter, and it will still have a fabulous exposure effect even if they don't touch her license.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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OK I'll look into it more...but to clarify my husband was not a client/patient at any time of hers.
Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
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Posts: 5,733
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OK I'll look into it more...but to clarify my husband was not a client/patient at any time of hers. Exposing to the board will not get the intended impact, put pressure on A. Check her license if she has any thing that you could use against her. She might have a past. In CA, this is a public record, listing of therapists in trouble w/ their conduct. -rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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OK I'll look into it more...but to clarify my husband was not a client/patient at any time of hers. It depends on the State. It also depends from where her credentials come from. Is she an LPC or what? Marriage Counselors have a horrible percentage of divorce, way higher than the national average. I have many theories, but in reality, don't know why that is, only speculation. Larry
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OK I'll look into it more...but to clarify my husband was not a client/patient at any time of hers. MBJ, there is a similar situation over on the weekend board and Dr Harley told the BW she SHOULD report the OW counselor to the licensing board: "I'm in the process of rewriting "Surviving an Affair" to add information about plan B. Some of the main points are as follows:
Whether in plan A or B, the world should know about your husband's affair. All of your relatives, your friends, your children, and the licensing board for your husband's lover. In some states a licensing board will revoke a license if a counselor is having an affair with a married person, client or not. This is because it's well known that affairs hurt families, especially children. And counselors know better than to have an affair."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hey, I'm right there with ya on how wierd it is....my WH is a Clincial Marriage and Family Therapist and he walked away from us (wife and two kids) about 5 weeks ago so he could 'think about things'. Yes, of course, it's an affair. If it wasn't so painful, I'm sure I could appreciate the irony more. 
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related t/j Hey, I'm right there with ya on how wierd it is....my WH is a Clincial Marriage and Family Therapist and he walked away from us (wife and two kids) about 5 weeks ago so he could 'think about things'. Yes, of course, it's an affair. If it wasn't so painful, I'm sure I could appreciate the irony more. Have you told him that you are in process of revealing the affair to everyone - or not telling him yeet - and that will include the licensing board for his speciality? THAT would light a fire under his ego if you are fortunate to be in a State the subscribes to the code that Harley mentioned. Uh, or telling them after the divorce if that is what you are planning. Larry
Last edited by _Larry_; 03/05/10 09:42 PM.
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It would probably be better to start your own thread, please.
I will reply there.
Larry
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I'm sorry to hear that your licensing board won't handle affairs by counselors. Some states do. I'm coming across an increasing number of professionals who feel that there's nothing wrong with an affair, and that there should be no restrictions on those having them. But as you know, it's devastating. How can a professional organization that claims to help support healthy families allow members to destroy families? None policing personal conducts ... Write to you local representatives to change this !!!. DUI could get license suspended ... A is not !.
Last edited by redhat; 03/06/10 02:05 PM. Reason: privacy
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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