OK

You know and I know and likely everyone reading your thread knows, your wife is living in a fantasy world.


No, it wasn't girl talk, it was fantasy talk.

The next question is, and I haven't come up with a solution, is to get her out of her fantasy world into the world of reality.

Larry

It definitely isn't just "girl talk" because I am a GIRL and I have NEVER said this to a friend(or anyone for that fact). I wouldn't even know where to find a sex club. That's not my "thing."

I also HATE it when a man gives me attention. It gives me the creeps.

I would say that her #1 EN ISN'T FS. Sure it is in the top 5, but #1, I don't think so. I could be wrong but I doubt it. Her #1 EN is most likely admiration/SF. She likes to feel "HOT". That's why she looks to get it met by other men.

When I read that you said that FS was her #1 EN I made a DJ in my head and thought, "Gold digger." But I don't think that is what is going on here. She may have told you that because that is what she needs from YOU. I am not a vet. I am just throwing it out there. Take it as it is.

Solid analysis Scotty.

Larry

Wow I'm so glad I found this place. Scotland, I think you're right. She didn't list it as 1 of her top 5 bc she doesn't want it from ME!!!

FYI - The club suggestion came from the GF, who has done that b4...

In response to my wife's "I love him, but sometimes I wish I could see what's going on w other people..."

Update - fighting thru dinner, she wants me to stop surveillance, but won't agree to any transparency?

BTW - Long b4 I found this place, it seems I correctly guessed that all she wanted from me was a paycheck and a babysitter (me). Based on her ENQ, I was right. Unfortunately, her top 5 is the top 5 she wants from me, NOT the top 5 she wants from life.

Okay, the way to find out an honest top 3 EN of your WW is to look at back at arguments you had in the past. Believe me, my WH heard MANY MANY times about how I felt ignored and that I just wanted him to talk to me more. I needed him to call me. I tried to get these things through LB and of course that didn't work.

So what are the things that you can remember your WW saying PRE A?

Now what are you going to do with that epiphany? See my signature.

Larry

OKG,

Yes it almost sounds like the FS from you would enable her to live the life she dreams of leading, so I would agree with Scotland that the FS enables the Admiration and SF. She is not the kind of person I would guess who uses her FS to grow her investments and bank account, but spends it on glitzy clothing.

Doe she admire the Hugh Heffner/playboy scene?

I think from your description of yourself she also wants you because you look good next to her, and indirectly increase her appeal.

Gamma.

Another good observation Gamma. Yes, she had fantasies of being in Playboy when she was a young adult, and yes she is a compulsive spender, but not over-the-top.

She just got an SMS from Gal A that the afternoon Easter candy party she is supposed to attend tomorrow is no kids, adult-only themed. I agreed to let her go bc she was supposed to be bringing our youngest w/ her while I handle baseball with the other 2. How the heck do I handle this w/o tipping off my dexrex account?

man she is looking to eat cake. You had better fire a shot across her bow quick. No on needs to tell you where this is going....and fast.

Yes, but how do I keep my dexrex SMS tracker unknown?

When she starts to not take youngest with her, you ask why not.

Never, ever reveal your sources even it means not saying anything.

Larry

She will try to pawn your daughter off some how. When she does it make out like she won't be going either and turn the baseball into a family thing. When she tries to duck on that, get up in her grill about why the sudden change in whats suppose to have been a kids party.

Look on this site they want you to love her back into a close relationship "Plan A". The problem is, you have been loving her. And she is still looking to cheat. In my view, she has to have a "Its a wonderful life moment". That means SHE has to imagine losing everything. Now the question is whether you wait till she cheats on you. Which seems to be weeks or months ahead. Or you have to fire the first shot.

Your wife is hanging out with a prostitute my friend. And she knows it. I am afraid you have to make her make a choice. And that means pulling all financial support and outing her to friends and family. She has to envision losing her family and life. You may think it severe now. But she is already secretive and mentally planning infidelity. Can you think of another way?

Its called an intervention

Larry - I am still deep in thread link above, thanks for that. Sounds like her friends have some sort of male stripper thing planned tomorrow? Could be harmless, but I'm not really in the mood for risk-taking.

OTH - I am afraid she really is a narcissist, so I am not sure if outing will work. Also, her parents will almost certainly defend her.

OKG,

Another good observation Gamma.

BTW, that's one of the great things about this site as I was reading your thread, I understood for the first time that my wife reshuffled the needs she gets from me when she had her EA, and she has never rearranged her hand.

Gamma

Its like watching a train wreck about to happen and not being able to do anything about it.

Regarding a male stripper. One or two guys without any clothes and drunk women in a private apartment or house. Does that sound harmless? Especially if she wants sex, but not from you.

You can still hit her financially, She has already cheated with her EA

I have seen movies posted on non private web sites that are not good regarding "private" parties with male strippers.



Yes, it is called intervention. Google it. It is not for the faint of heart. OTOH, where is your marriage going now?

Larry

Good point OTH. Girls will be girls, and I've already heard some doozies about this crew.

If I email her mom, do I also out the GF escort, who is supposed to eat dinner with all of us and the IL's next week when we are visiting them in the warm weather?

Been thinking as prompted by ouch!

She may be just at the point of sticking her toe in the water to see how it feels. As things progress down that track, eventually she will get drunk enough or brave enough and the rest is obvious.

Larry

Absolutely. You need to have a frank conversation with her mom and dad about ALL her behavior. Including the prostitute GF. Do not dignify her by calling her an escort use the word prostitute with them. Be ready to have evidence of her friends profession. Tell your MIL and FIL. That you are thinking of your family and their grand children. Tell them about the EA she has already had and show them proof of it.

This will probably end up making your wife blow up. At that point you need to be bold not angry. And tell her you know where this is going and you will not put yourself or the children through it. You will need to tell her "If this is the life style you're going to pursue, you will pursue it without your family or your financial support". This is not an idol threat. when you make it, you had better be ready to put up or shut up. You had better be ready to pull all support from her. And even be able to ask her mom and dad if she can live with them until she decides. If she is truly a narcissist, you may have little choice.

It may even involve you telling her that you know she has lost her desire for you but not other men (you do not have to say how you know how).

The biggest decision you have to make is. What is best for you and the kids first. She will decide what is best for herself. She may decide she wants a different life. But she may decide she wants a better marriage. It all comes down to what you are willing to stand for and whether you and the kids can be happy. Remember strong and calm response. Do not let her gaslight you. At least if she ends up cheating, you can look in the mirror and know that you fought for your marriage and your family.