Hmmm. I don't think I like this. You're keeping the kids, right? How long does she plan to do this?

It's great that her BF is supportive of your M, but I just don't think it's a good idea for your WW to separate from you.

Yes...kids are staying with me

She'll be gone maybe a week or two.

I told WW that she should be using her BF instead of OM to support her through what she is going through and she said "it's not the same"

I might have slipped and let out a DJ, there. "You are right, it's not the same. BF isn't trying to get in your pants."

LOL...true so true...trying hard to stay away from LB's!

What contact with WW (if any) would be most beneficial while WW is out of town?

I don't want to smother WW but at the same time I want WW to know that I care (even though WW solely blames me for WW's current emotional state).

I would check up with her every couple days, and you can use the excuse of telling her how the kids are doing to get the conversation rolling.

How good is your relationship with BF? Can you use her for support while WW is with her?

Pretty good

Yes...she knows that WW is not in a good place mentally.

Well, I gave her a peaceful drive to the airport, gave her a big warm hug and threw in an "I Love You"

So WW came home last week and actually did Plan A very effectively!

But when I checked cell phone records, I saw contact with OM. Confronted WW about it and WW was upset about my "controlling and spying behavior". Told WW in no uncertain terms that there must be NC with OM and there can be no secrets.

Of course I'm the irrational one!

Tsk tsk, jl, you irrational thing, you. Keep it up with Plan A.

She's an addict, so if she can't do it herself, you do it for her. If you cell phone provider can block calls, set it up to block calls. If not, take her phone, delete OM's contact info (most people don't remember numbers anymore, they are just stored on the phone) including all references to his number in the missed, made, and received calls and ingoing and outgoing text and multimedia messages. Switch her number so OM doesn't know the new number. Block access to the online and paper bills, and get spyware on the computer to block email and facebook as well as delete his email address and other contact info. It's just like pouring out all the alcohol bottles in the house for an alcoholic.

WW has admitted that my Plan A efforts are working (I haven't referred to them as Plan A).

However, she is still in contact with OM and claims "I've set my feelings aside for the sake of our family"...yeah...right.

Yesterday in MC, she refused to end the "friendship" with OM. Thankfully, our MC suggested we both read "His Needs, Her Needs" which tells me that at least I chose the right MC. WW tried to invoke sympathy from our MC for my exposure efforts and "all the lives that I ruined" and got none! Now, WW meds for anxiety were mentioned and WW admitted that what she is taking now hasn't been working for many months.

Things are peaceful in our house when I'm executing Plan A. But when I bring up no contact with OM I get accused of being "negative" and basically send WW into a tailspin. In our counseling session it was determined that any negativity is related to continued contact with OM.

I have a Plan B letter ready to go but WW has no family to stay with in town so I would have to be the one to stay with family in town. There are two children involved and I don't want to traumatize them nor do I want to be the one to leave the house. WW told my mom yesterday before our MC appointment that "I can't stay at my parents because it traumatizes one of our daughters to much" but in the counseling session WW mentioned separation so who knows.

Do I continue to pressure her to end contact with OM...seems that the Stick of Plan A is to make the "friendship" as uncomfortable as possible. Of course while still doing my best Carrot of Plan A?

jlowes, bring me up to speed on this OM? Who is he? How close does he live? What does he do? Is he married? Do you know who his parents are? Does he have a facebook?

OM is an old high school friend that WW dated briefly in high school.
Lives about 15 minutes away.
Unemployed
Married two kids
Don't know his parents
I also sent an email to OM to stop contacting my wife.
I exposed to: OMW, WW's second mother, WW's best friend, WW's father, and OM's family and friends.

I want to add that WW is not opposed to reconciliation but the MC asked if WW would give up the "friendship" and WW said she couldn't "he's become my best friend and helped me through a dark time"...ugh fog speak is freaking annoying!

jlowes, I remember now! I just re-read your thread and now my memory is refreshed.

I would cuase the OM as much trouble as possible by contacting his wife whenever he contacts your wife. Notify his parents and family members and friends via a facebook exposure.

I would also pay him a visit. Face him man to man and ask him what his intentions are for your wife. Let him know you will fight for your marriage.

Your job is to cause as much trouble as possible for the affair. OM are cowards who don't want alot of trouble.

Also, are they meeting up? Do you have a GPS on her car or any way to track her movement? It is unlikely they have not hooked up yet.

I don't understand, jl. It's inconvenient for your WW to have to face the consequences of Plan B, so you'll face them for her by moving out? Is that what you're saying?

Okay, this is funny: your WW can't stay with her parents because it would traumatize your DD. She thinks the continued contact with her OM won't??

When you speak to her, do you call it "adultery" or an "affair?" I would not be calling it a "friendship."

What was her story?


Personally I think it's time I would be having a very clear and direct conversation with POSOM letting him know what size ziplocks I would use for his pieces parts if he chooses not to disappear.