Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 59 of 91 1 2 57 58 59 60 61 90 91
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
My reply:

Why would they not want to hear from me? I've never been anything but
nice to them, tried to help them when I could and be a good son in
law.

I'm not signing the papers. I am your husband, and you are my wife,
and there's nothing that's happened between us that can't be worked
through. I'm committed to this marriage, and to you and that's not
going to change. I'll call you this evening around 2130 your time.

Gerka,

This is overkill from the last email you sent earlier today. Now is not the time to be emailing this stuff. You just need to come off as concerned and supportive right now. Drop the relationship emails.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Quote
Why would they not want to hear from me? I've never been anything but
nice to them, tried to help them when I could and be a good son in
law.


Don't get into this.

Just disregard what she said about her parents.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
I sent her mother a message on facebook asking her if there was anything I could do.

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Quote
Drop the relationship emails.


Ditto!

Gerka - Get an e-mail off to your MIL this evening... letting them know that you just found out about your FIL's terminal lung cancer and ask them what you can do to help them...

This will do a couple of things:

1- You will be showing love and compassion for your in-laws AND your wife.

2 - IF your wife is making this up to manipulate you, then I'll bet that you MIL will quickly set you straight on whether or not your FIL has terminal cancer...

Focus on "being there" for your W and in-laws...


Semper Fi,

RIF

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Quote
My WW-radar is going off and it sounds like this might be an attempt to manipulate you. How is your signing the divorce paperwork even relevant to the fact that her dad has terminal lung cancer???


Yeah, something is off here.

Gerk, she wouldn't lie about her dad being sick would she?




Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Quote
My WW-radar is going off and it sounds like this might be an attempt to manipulate you. How is your signing the divorce paperwork even relevant to the fact that her dad has terminal lung cancer???


My thoughts exactly! They don't exactly diagnose "terminal" lung cancer the same day they find something unusual. I can't imagine that she/you wouldn't have heard before now that there may be an issue. I hope I'm wrong otherwise this is so sad.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
Already got the message out letting her know that WW told me, and asking if there is anything I could do to help.

Her mother sent me a message earlier today letting me know they'd received the laptop for her sister's wedding present, and thanking me for it.

Last edited by Gerkaguards; 05/14/10 01:39 PM.
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Quote
They don't exactly diagnose "terminal" lung cancer the same day they find something unusual.


Unless he been having tests w/o telling his children. And just told his children all the news today.

Still, if he had kept the first part a secret, wouldn't he want to keep the rest of it a sceret until after his daughter's wedding?

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
I don't think she would lie about it. Her dad has had worsening asthma for some time.

But then, I never thought she'd lie about anything, and she lied to my face repeatedly about the affair. So I guess we'll see.

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
Originally Posted by Marshmallow
Quote
My WW-radar is going off and it sounds like this might be an attempt to manipulate you. How is your signing the divorce paperwork even relevant to the fact that her dad has terminal lung cancer???


Yeah, something is off here.

Gerk, she wouldn't lie about her dad being sick would she?

It's certainly possible. His WW certainly seems a little more looney tunes than most I've seen on here.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Quote
Her mother sent me a message earlier today letting me know they'd received the laptop for her sister's wedding present, and thanking me for it.


Doesn't sound as though your MIL wants nothing to do w/ you.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
She wrote back:
You tried to put their daughter in jail and/or ruin her career, nobody in my life wants anything to do with u. They won't talk to u, neither will I, and u can call all u want, I don't use the stupid phone that u tried to ruin my life with

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Quote
Her mother sent me a message earlier today letting me know they'd received the laptop for her sister's wedding present, and thanking me for it.


hmmmm... seems like she would have told you about your FIL in her e-mail...

Something doesn't sound right here Gurka...

Last edited by RIF; 05/14/10 01:48 PM.
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
She wrote back:
You tried to put their daughter in jail and/or ruin her career, nobody in my life wants anything to do with u. They won't talk to u, neither will I, and u can call all u want, I don't use the stupid phone that u tried to ruin my life with

IGNORE.

If it helps her sleep better at night to convince herself that her parents hate you, then so be it. It's not up to you to correct her.

And if she doesn't use that phone, just call her on the "affair" phone. I bet she'll get a real kick out of that.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
She wrote back:
You tried to put their daughter in jail and/or ruin her career, nobody in my life wants anything to do with u. They won't talk to u, neither will I, and u can call all u want, I don't use the stupid phone that u tried to ruin my life with

DON'T REPLY TO THIS!

She's completely wigging out. Didn't you JUST call her and talk to her on that "ruin her life" phone?


Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Quote
You tried to put their daughter in jail and/or ruin her career, nobody in my life wants anything to do with u. They won't talk to u, neither will I, and u can call all u want, I don't use the stupid phone that u tried to ruin my life with


Yoiks! This is so junior high. She is really an officer in our military?

This is a real sniffity sniff tantrum she has going.

She sure never wants to communicate with you again alright.

Don't respond.

Last edited by chrisner; 05/14/10 01:53 PM.

Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Quote
...their daughter ...


Interesting use of words... sounds like she's speaking for her parents here, based on what SHE want's them to say.

Quote
nobody in my life wants anything to do with u.


Really? I thought you got an e-mail from your MIL earlier today thanking you for the laptop for your SIL...

Quote
They won't talk to u, neither will I,


Didn't she just "tell" you to call her ASAP or she was going to notify your CofC of your "abuse" earlier this evening via e-mail???

Quote
I don't use the stupid phone that u tried to ruin my life with


Don't forget Gurka... this is ALL about her right now.

You're still in control here Gurka... don't let her rattle you. I still think something smells funny here...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
It's a good thing I checked back in this thread because I just about went off. Here's what I almost sent:

You need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. You put yourself in the position that you are in with your choices and your actions. If you had been honest from the outset, none of this would have happened. Instead you chose to lie to me, attempting to avoid the consequences of your actions. You intended to continue lying to me for as long as possible. You only admitted to what was going on when you were afraid of getting caught. Then you went on to lie to the Army about your actions to attempt to avoid the consequences of your actions. Are you in any way proud of how you've handled yourself for the past 6 months? Do you think you've done the right thing at any point? Do you care at all about the many innocent people you've dragged down with your behavior, or do you only care about yourself, and your "career?" Do you think it's acceptable for an officer in the US Army to lie about their actions to avoid the consequences? Do you think it's acceptable for anyone to do?

Because I know that I've done the right thing. I've been honest, and loyal, and I've tried my best to honor my commitment to you in the face of an overwhelming situation. I did my absolute best to shield you from the consequences of your actions until the point where you forced me to expose your affair by choosing your affair over our marriage. And I meant it when I said I'd live in a burlap sack out in the woods as long as I could live with you. I could care less about the Army, or what anyone thinks, or anything else; it's about me and you. I'm committed to this marriage, and to you. I'll continue to be the best husband I can be, and that doesn't mean abandoning you or our marriage just because things are rough. Sometimes things are rough, that's why the vows say "for better or worse." But in order for you to make any progress towards rebuilding our marriage, or even being someone that you can look at in the mirror, you have to take ownership of your actions. Realize that you messed up, that innocent people were hurt in the process, and do what you can to make that better. It's not just what a good Army officer would do, or what a good human being would do, it's what you, (WW) would do.

I'll continue to love and support you, and I realize that you're having a hard time with everything going on. I'll call you tomorrow at 2130. If you don't want to talk to me, that's your prerogative, but never think that I don't care, or I'm not trying as hard as I can to be a good husband.

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Quote
I still think something smells funny here...


Yep.

Quote
They won't talk to u, neither will I,


Wayzilla said the same to me. The truth was quite the opposite but she did not want to be the bad guy.

She even once banned me from ever entering Utah where her mother's family lives. rotflmao





Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Quote
She even once banned me from ever entering Utah where her mother's family lives.


I just got a mental image of state troopers blocking all roads into Utah-- on the lookout for BS driving a woodchipper down the road.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Page 59 of 91 1 2 57 58 59 60 61 90 91

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 160 guests, and 66 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
LipTor, namescreen4, Heartbrokeninsv, screenname3, Mauve
71,788 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5