Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 60 of 91 1 2 58 59 60 61 62 90 91
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
It's a good thing I checked back in this thread because I just about went off. Here's what I almost sent:

You need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. You put yourself in the position that you are in with your choices and your actions. If you had been honest from the outset, none of this would have happened. Instead you chose to lie to me, attempting to avoid the consequences of your actions. You intended to continue lying to me for as long as possible. You only admitted to what was going on when you were afraid of getting caught. Then you went on to lie to the Army about your actions to attempt to avoid the consequences of your actions. Are you in any way proud of how you've handled yourself for the past 6 months? Do you think you've done the right thing at any point? Do you care at all about the many innocent people you've dragged down with your behavior, or do you only care about yourself, and your "career?" Do you think it's acceptable for an officer in the US Army to lie about their actions to avoid the consequences? Do you think it's acceptable for anyone to do?

Because I know that I've done the right thing. I've been honest, and loyal, and I've tried my best to honor my commitment to you in the face of an overwhelming situation. I did my absolute best to shield you from the consequences of your actions until the point where you forced me to expose your affair by choosing your affair over our marriage. And I meant it when I said I'd live in a burlap sack out in the woods as long as I could live with you. I could care less about the Army, or what anyone thinks, or anything else; it's about me and you. I'm committed to this marriage, and to you. I'll continue to be the best husband I can be, and that doesn't mean abandoning you or our marriage just because things are rough. Sometimes things are rough, that's why the vows say "for better or worse." But in order for you to make any progress towards rebuilding our marriage, or even being someone that you can look at in the mirror, you have to take ownership of your actions. Realize that you messed up, that innocent people were hurt in the process, and do what you can to make that better. It's not just what a good Army officer would do, or what a good human being would do, it's what you, (WW) would do.

I'll continue to love and support you, and I realize that you're having a hard time with everything going on. I'll call you tomorrow at 2130. If you don't want to talk to me, that's your prerogative, but never think that I don't care, or I'm not trying as hard as I can to be a good husband.

It's great to get that out of your system and here is the place to do it. Personally I love your words. But........

She could not comprehend 1/16th of that message today.

All she would read is, " Blah Blah Mean Blah Controlling, blah blah self righteous Blah blah high horse blah blah."

You can't educate a wayward. Trying is a big love buster.



Last edited by chrisner; 05/14/10 02:14 PM.

Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Quote
Here's what I almost sent:


Hey Gurka!

Glad you didn't send this... it's a good rundown on what you've been doing, and I agree with everything you've written!

But now is not the time to send an e-mail like this. The Jr. High Drama is getting deeper with every new e-mail from your W.

Try and get some sleep and don't worry about these e-mails. You're 100% in charge here and you're doing great! Let your WW continue to spew venom at you and make up more stories to make you feel sorry for what "you've done"...

She's trying to manipulate you and she's not doing a very good job...
MrRollieEyes

Semper Fi,

RIF

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
It's her sister's son's birthday tomorrow. Sending him an email Build-a-bear gift certificate right now. smile

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
I'm still going to call tomorrow morning since I said I would. Any bets on whether she answers or not?

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
That's the thing about waywards, they thrive on the drama... oh yeah, she'll answer.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I'm still going to call tomorrow morning since I said I would. Any bets on whether she answers or not?

My money is down for her answering it. But, only to tell you she's done talking to you. LOL

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 336
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 336
yeah, she'll answer... just seems her style from all you've written...


AnnaBelle Rose

Me: 29 WH:31 DS: 22mths M: almost 6 years, together 7 1/2
I am not a mistake. - ABR
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Quote
I'm still going to call tomorrow morning since I said I would. Any bets on whether she answers or not?


Yep, she'll answer you... You might want to put your IBA on 'cause she's going to give you "both barrels"!

You need to prepare yourself to babble back to her statements and not get sucked into trying to argue with her. Let her say what she wants to say, then babble back to her.

If you keep in mind that her action are right in line with a Jr. High Drama Queen, you should do great with your conversation!

Get some sleep! It's almost 2400hrs there!

Semper Fi,

RIF

PS - Good job on getting the Build-A-Bear gift certificate!

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
And Gerk, when you call her stick to her dad's illness or other neutral subjects.

NO RELATIONSHIP TALK!!!

And NO TRYING TO EDUCATE HER! It is a disrespectful judgment!
Not to mention a waste of your time.

Do as Jim suggested. Dodge and weave w/ her the best you can and when she gets ridiculous cut her off and say good bye.

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Yes she will answer: 4

No she will not answer: 0


Good night Gurka!

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
Originally Posted by RIF
Yes she will answer: 4

No she will not answer: 0


Good night Gurka!

Rinkhal WW - 5

Silent WW - 0


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
PM,

I love it.
Quote
I just got a mental image of state troopers blocking all roads into Utah-- on the lookout for BS driving a woodchipper down the road.
hurray

JL

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
I still want to send my email. I can't believe how childish she's acting, taking no responsibility for her actions, and presumably telling other people that none of it is her fault.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
Oh, and her sister already wrote me back, thanking me.

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Originally Posted by Just Learning
PM,

I love it.
Quote
I just got a mental image of state troopers blocking all roads into Utah-- on the lookout for BS driving a woodchipper down the road.
hurray

JL


Hey, I am not kidding. It was a couple weeks after the divorce was final and we met at a bank to make to do notary paper crap for some investment accounts. She was real cranky because I was taking DD to California (to the MB Fruits and Nuts gathering) and well�..she�s always real cranky. She thought we were flying but I told her we were driving.

She broke into her classic clenched teeth hissing delivery, �You�..Will�.Not�..Take�.Her�.To�..Utah�.� rotflmao

Yes my lovely ex, whatever you say.

On the trip when we got to Grand Junction and stopped for gas DD (then 18) took the keys from me and jumped in the driver seat. When I asked why DD said, �Your not supposed to bring me to Utah dad, remember?� Oh boy did we laugh.

I love that kid.


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Quote
Oh, and her sister already wrote me back, thanking me.



Didn't she get the NC with Gerka memo from her sister?


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
****edit****

Last edited by JustUss; 05/15/10 10:34 AM. Reason: safety
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
***edit****I don't have anything to hide. smile

Last edited by JustUss; 05/15/10 10:34 AM. Reason: safety
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222

GET SOME SLEEP!

And send a "your welcome" note to your SIL expressing sympathy for her father's condition. Also let her know that you'll do anything you can to help the family because Mrs. Gerka might have filtered your offers.

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
Well, that's OK,****edit****

tl

Last edited by JustUss; 05/15/10 10:36 AM.
Page 60 of 91 1 2 58 59 60 61 62 90 91

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 160 guests, and 66 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
LipTor, namescreen4, Heartbrokeninsv, screenname3, Mauve
71,788 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5