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Originally Posted by NAL1979
not holding info i mentioned this friend before
and i am sure she is not having an affair

How do you know this for sure?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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unless i was with her every minute of everyday there is no way to know 100%


NLowe79@hotmail.com

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i printed out some articles i am going to read over the weekend and i will speak to yall on monday since i do not have access to a computer


NLowe79@hotmail.com

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Originally Posted by NAL1979
not holding info i mentioned this friend before
and i am sure she is not having an affair

And I'm 99.999% sure she is. Women rarely leave their husband until they have another guy lined up. Even if nothing physical has happened between them, she is at the very least engaged in an emotional affair. EA or PA makes no difference. You are still fighting the same battle. This OM needs to be told to butt out, and he needs to be exposed to his family and friends that he is pursuing a married woman. You not meeting your WW's ENs is what led to the state of your marriage. Your WW's EA with OM is what led to your WW asking for a divorce.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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I'm sorry NAL, but I agree completely with jmwc here.


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She wants absolutely nothing to do with me unless it involves our children.


NLowe79@hotmail.com

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Sounds like it's time to snoop. Get into everything you can. read spying 101 thread. That way you know what you are up against, especially if you are wanting to save your marriage.

Last edited by smileygirl; 04/11/10 03:17 PM.
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Snooping won't change her mind and that will just make me do something to the OM that he will never recover from. She does not want me and even my children are happy that I'm not around.


NLowe79@hotmail.com

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Snooping is not so you can change her mind - it's so you know what you are up against. Sounds like she's in a fog (like most WS are). Stop focusing on something you can't control (her and her feelings) and focus on what you can do...especially if you want to save your marriage.

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Originally Posted by NAL1979
Snooping won't change her mind and that will just make me do something to the OM that he will never recover from. She does not want me and even my children are happy that I'm not around.

The facts allow you to proceed on the basis of exactly what you know, not what you guess. Have you exposed yet?

Exposure is the only way to break up an affair that I know of.

Larry

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there isnt an affair no emails no phone records no texting nothing. i was just such a bad husband that it is over she can not and does not want to be with me again i thank all of you for your words wisdom and guidance i can t make some one want me who truely doesnt want me the fight is over Divorce is my outcome Alone is my status



NLowe79@hotmail.com

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Originally Posted by NAL1979
there isnt an affair no emails no phone records no texting nothing. i was just such a bad husband that it is over she can not and does not want to be with me again i thank all of you for your words wisdom and guidance i can t make some one want me who truely doesnt want me the fight is over Divorce is my outcome Alone is my status

As you wish. Good luck.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Originally Posted by NAL1979
there isnt an affair no emails no phone records no texting nothing. i was just such a bad husband that it is over she can not and does not want to be with me again i thank all of you for your words wisdom and guidance i can t make some one want me who truely doesnt want me the fight is over Divorce is my outcome Alone is my status


Well good for you for throwing in the towel. Good for your kids for having a dad who won't even bother to fight for their family [/sarcasm].

Have you read This or This?

We're trying to tell you that this situation MAY be saved if you have the cajones to do it. But apparently you don't. Being married was too hard, and now saving that marriage is too hard. Question: you gonna bother to change yourself so this doesn't all happen again? Or are you going to flit from dead-end relationship to dead-end relationship always wondering why it doesn't work out?


Me & DH: 28
Married 8/20/05
1DD, 9 mo.
Just Lookin' and Learnin'
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i will print them out and read i can always use the information. i am fighting but the only problem is i am fighting alone its like i am shadow boxing. i will continue to do all that i can to fix what i have broken but at the same time i have to fall back and let her go sort of speak


NLowe79@hotmail.com

31 yo male
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i read both articles and i am really stumped. they made my head hurt i am thinking way to much


NLowe79@hotmail.com

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1 girl 5 yo
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i dont know if she is going to go thru with the D or not but we are living like its done already. i have access to the kids whenever i need/want. i give her $$$ weekly. we chat here and there and its all fun and no drama like it was when we were in high school. its like we are best friends again we talk about any and everything. i dont know what to make of this i mean it is so weird and confusing i just felt like sharing any input or thoughts

FYI - our official anniversary was 04/28 and she cut class to come hang with me at my place and we had dinner and wine watched tv and cracked jokes it was a great nite that will probably never happen again


NLowe79@hotmail.com

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so today she tells me that she regrets telling me that she wants a D and that she likes the way things are between us now. she doesnt want to rush or do something drastic. i dont know if it means anything or if she just needed her need fullfilled but we had sex twice this weekend. i am still confused about this whole thing


NLowe79@hotmail.com

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Well, sure she likes the way things are now. She has you to give her money and to be her pal and f*ckbuddy, and she has a boyfriend(s) on the side, too!

NAL, you are being played and used. I don't know why you are putting up with this. You are setting a terrible example for your kids by showing them that married couples can live apart and run around all they want and act single all they want, and it's okay!

Haven't you ever seen men who play women and lie to them and string them along for what they can get out of them? Your wife is playing you the same way.

This is not only a wretched half-life for you to live, again - this is just about the worst possible example for your kids. They will see Daddy being walked on like a spineless doormat and they will see Mommy running around like a single girl, and they will see everybody just being okay with that.

Please wake up and look at what is really happening here. There are worse things than being divorced and without your wife - like losing your last shred of self-respect and, as a result, having your kids lose all of their respect for you.

Please think about this.



Me, BW
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there is no other guy for her on the side that person is totally out of the picture and yeas i am sure i installed a spy program on her pc. i refuse to beleive that i am being used as such


NLowe79@hotmail.com

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Until you see that you are being used, you cannot proceed.

She likely has an affair phone or some such. DON'T let yourself be fooled like this!!


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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