I have another wild and crazy idea! How about she STOP committing adultery and repair the marriage? Just trying to think outside of the box here.


I have another idea. How about trying Marriage Builders concepts? Why not mess up her affair by contacting her OM and telling him she is a married woman and you are trying to save your marriage? Why not try to woo her back using PLAN A and fighting for your marriage?

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Your kids would probably appreciate it if you would fight for your marriage instead of rolling over.

I hear what you are saying melody but I'm trying to figure out if fighting for my marriage is something I really want. I have no love left for this woman. She is not the person she once was and her own psych says she is broken and whether or not she unbreaks herself could take years to figure out.

Also you say that she should stop committing adultery and seem to almost insinuate I am in approval. Unfortunately I can not make her want to repair the marriage. She has to come to that conclusion on her own.

I will talk to the OM this week, but I'm pretty darn sure this will accomplish nothing because the OM doesn't care, but I will try anyways. I really have no leverage with this guy like I had with the first one (who was married). This is just a young punk who doesn't care. It won't stop me from trying but if I push or threaten I'm almost dead certain it will only serve to entrench both of them as they turn to each other for support and look at me as the bad guy which is trying to break them apart.

Additional suggestions would be welcome.

OM's family and friends?

Then why are you there? If you are not interested in saving the marriage, why not end it?


Are you objecting to her adultery? Doing anything to stop it? It seems like you are going along with it.

Melody - I got back in to be in a better legal position first and foremost. Now that I am, it is changing my mindset from one of not wanting the marriage to one of indifference. I need to think long and hard about this, because if I do decide to save my marriage and plan A I want to want it 100%. I have little love for her but mostly because I have put up a wall around my heart to protect myself. I am focusing on myself and the kids right now and trying to find a job. She also has lost her job so now we are both unemployed.

As far as the OM goes. Yes his family knows about my W and in fact know her from other circles. Breaking up the affair in this case where the OM doesn't care and the OM's family know is going to be a task that requires discomfort on my W's part since the OM and the OM's family don't care.

She is sleeping on an air matress in my daughters room and is not feeling too comfortable right now. She has been posting on her FB how she can't sleep and unhappy she is. I'm starting to develop boundaries and trying to figure out consequences for violating those boundaries. Yes you will say boundary number one is no OM but I need to have consequences. Any suggestions? I can't kick her out of the house. She has every legal right to be there. Also, the more I push for the marriage the further she runs.

How can she run any further? I thought you didn't even want the marriage anymore and were going to file for divorce.

Have you separated the finances and canceled joint credit cards? What about trading in her BMW for a used Corolla? If your name is on the title and you are paying the payment, I don't seem why that would be unreasonable. Surely that would be prudent in these tough economic times, especially since you are now unemployed. You might want to adjust her standard of living to what she could expect should she divorce you.