BH has asked for a divorce, yet he still puts his arm around me when we sleep. He says he wants to be close. This is after taking a sleeping pill, so maybe it's drug induced.

Is that normal body language?

I read your post about forgiveness. BH will not forgive. He says I haven't done anything enough to deserve it.

I dont' know if he really does what a divorce or not. He does this frequently.

HTH,

Not sure if it is normal or not, perhaps his feeling towards you are feelings of inferiority, and when he shuts down his conscious mind, with pills, his true feelings come out.

Reading some of your old posts I get the sense that his abuse of you, I understand you abused him too, is not because he feels above you, but less than you as you are younger than him.

In some ways I felt the same about my wifes "EA" it was a validation not of her moral weakness, but of my inferiority as a man, and a reinforcement of how much better looking she is than me.

Was OMW ever informed of the affair?

God Bless
Gamma

I would say he is still looking to you for comfort, so the body language disagrees with what his words say.

Your plan should be to do everything you can to put extraordinary precautions into place - look at TST's thread for those.

Then, do the emotional needs questionnaire with your BH.

I think your husband is on the fence. Ask him to talk to the Harleys with you, because I believe what I see - not what I hear - most of the time......and his actions look like he wants closeness.

He says you haven't "done" anything enough to deserve forgiveness? Ask what things he would like to see from you. Buy the book regarding forgiveness - called something like the 5 languages of forgiveness or something like that (I cannot remember the exact title!!!!). Sit with that book right in front of you, so he can see you reading it - and when he asks about it (he WILL), tell him that you are trying to learn what you can do to EARN his forgiveness, because you realize that is what he needs from you


regardless of whether he chooses a divorce or to stay with you

and that you need to have his forgiveness

regardless of whether he chooses to divorce you or stay with you.



Start with those steps. See what his reaction it - whether positive or negative, tell him you ACCEPT his feelings,

and no matter what - DO NOT DISAGREE, ARGUE, OR TRY TO MAKE A CASE FOR YOURSELF.

Just accept his point of view, and tell him that you see where he is coming from, and that you are trying to learn about this for your own life, so you can improve because you understand how much hurt you caused.


SB