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What goes in a Plan B letter? She is coming back to talk on Friday so it might not be the end.
BTW I spoke to a counsellor yesterday and she advised against telling OMW. Some people don't want to know and prefer to live in denial. I feel bad that I have told her. I think she knew but am not certain. Find another "counselor." Yours is an idiot who does not how to save marriages from affairs. Dr Harley is a licensed clinical PSYCHOLOGIST, author and founder of Marriage Builders and here is what he says: Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Beat you to it, Mel... ![[Linked Image from cool-smileys.com]](http://www.cool-smileys.com/images/277.gif)
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HEH HEH! I'm just happy he made the first step!! I have been worried over botany for the last couples days!
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!
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Botany
Some people don't want to know and prefer to live in denial. I feel bad that I have told her.
You have said nothing which is UNTRUE! You are under no obligation to LIE for anyone.
OM likely has done this with a number of other women btw, and with each one his wife has endured the silent pain of betrayal, so you have brought a serial criminal to justice feel no remorse.
Leave the stiff upper lip to the royal family, they are just a bunch of Gothic Germans anyhow.
God Bless
Gamma
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I can't keep checking forever, what kind of life is that?
She went to her parents, they made us talk before she left which was good and got us to agree to meet on Friday.
Tony Do the parents know all about her adultery? They should be told the full and complete story. Do not hide her dirty secret. To hide her secret is to ENABLE her adultery. Also, your marriage is not "over." All you did was take the car keys away from the falling down drunk. OF COURSE THEY GET MAD! So what? Your marriage can survive her temporary anger because you stood up to her adultery but IT CAN'T SURVIVE HER ONGOING AFFAIR. If she rants and raves, either call your mommy like alot of American guys do OR.... you can say "I am sure sorry you are upset, but I felt everyone should know about your affair. Would you like a potato chip?"  [or in your case, offer her some spotted d i c k or whatever you foreigners eat - Lord only knows...  ]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Beat you to it, Mel... yes, but I put mine in pretty red caps!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes her parent know and that helped. Time will tell and thanks for the advice - I need some sleep, well I'll try
BS: male 39
Together 18 years married 11.
Two boys 6 and 8
D-Day: 08 March 2010
PA&EA: 6 weeks
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She saw him today and I went crazy and told OMW, bosses and colleagues. She was very angry and has now left me alone at home with two kids. That's it all over, thanks for the advice. It is an absolute disaster and I feel terrible. You have just struck the first blow in killing her A and saving your M. Well done, Botany!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Yes her parent know and that helped. Time will tell and thanks for the advice - I need some sleep, well I'll try You did great!! Give yourself a big pat on the back! You took a huge step towards saving your marriage and your children's family! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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T/J Mel, I don't like your new name...  Sorry, i think of you as a wise southern sweet lady that gets tough when she needs to be. I am also gonna be nostalgic for the feeling I get when I see "MelodyHellLane" stead a "MelodyLane." SWW end t/j
Last edited by sickwithworry; 05/26/10 08:06 PM.
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Botany, yes get some sleep and look at this through some renewed eyes and see that you have done GREAT. Now finish the job. NUCLEAR> This is a war and your WW's affair is the enemy. KILL IT. Her anger is GREAT. I WISH my WH was THIS angry.
There have been WW's that left immediately after exposure. Don't worry she'll be back. Finish exposing so all of her anger will come out now and not trickle. Like ripping off a band aid.
You have done WELL. Keep it up.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hell you don't change the face on the statue of liberty.
The yankess have to play in the Bronx.
Hell, there has to be a melodylane.
Somethings you don't change or mess with.
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Hell you don't change the face on the statue of liberty.
The yankess have to play in the Bronx.
Hell, there has to be a melodylane.
Somethings you don't change or mess with. Amen Brother! SWW
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Yes her parent know and that helped. Time will tell and thanks for the advice - I need some sleep, well I'll try What a great job you've done, Botany. You've done well.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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She saw him today and I went crazy and told OMW, bosses and colleagues. She was very angry and has now left me alone at home with two kids. That's it all over, thanks for the advice. It is an absolute disaster and I feel terrible. The fact that she is angry is a GOOD thing. The more angry the WS is = the more damage you did to the fantasy of the A. You did a great job! Remember, she has learned that she can control you with her anger. DO NOT react to it. You calmly tell her, like a broken record, we can fix this M but not with OM in the picture. I did what I had to to break up this A. My sister's WH raged for about a week after exposure. He tried to engage her in fights, she refused to react. She used the broken record technique and he finally burned out. You can do this. Hang in there!
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T/J Mel, I don't like your new name... Fine! I changed it back! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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T/J Mel, I don't like your new name... Fine! I changed it back! Ahhhh! I wake up this morning and the earth is now spinning back on it's proper axis. That was scary for a bit. SWW
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She is coming back to talk on Friday so it might not be the end.
BTW I spoke to a counsellor yesterday and she advised against telling OMW. Some people don't want to know and prefer to live in denial. I feel bad that I have told her. I think she knew but am not certain. She left her two young children, something that normal mothers would never do. They would do so even less because they are annoyed with the H. If your W was not still in the affair, she would be too attached to her children and worried about them to just leave them like that. She is still in the affair, and her behaviour shows that. You must not now allow her to move your children from their home. She might well try to take them with her to her parents, and later, to get you out of the house so that she can move back in. You need to seek legal advice about how you can stop your children from being removed from their home. Who is looking after the children now, before and after school? Next week is half term. If your WW does not come back, what arrangements can you make for childcare? You need to sort out these issues as part of "acting" and not "reacting". Don't find yourself letting her take the children because you have to work and cannot look after them as well. Tel us more about OMW's response, please. Did you get any sense that she was upset? Angry? That she wanted to try and recover the marriage? It would be good for you to know what is happening at that end, and whether OM is being given an ultimatum to dump your WW. Is there some way you can find this out? What kind of counsellor did you speak to yesterday (or was it now the day before?) Was she from Relate, or from a private service? Why did you still expose after talking to her? I'm not questioning your exposure; it was entirely the right thing to do. I just wonder why, since you got an opinion that favoured your own thoughts, you went against that opinion and are now angry with us. How are things today?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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She left her two young children, something that normal mothers would never do. They would do so even less because they are annoyed with the H. If your W was not still in the affair, she would be too attached to her children and worried about them to just leave them like that. Only for the day, she didn't run out it is what we agreed with her parents there for support. Tel us more about OMW's response, please. Did you get any sense that she was upset? Angry? That she wanted to try and recover the marriage? It would be good for you to know what is happening at that end, and whether OM is being given an ultimatum to dump your WW. Is there some way you can find this out? No it is over, a marriage of convenience. The locks have been changed he was going to just leave. She appreciated me contacting her though. What kind of counsellor did you speak to yesterday (or was it now the day before?) Was she from Relate, or from a private service? Why did you still expose after talking to her? A general one, I found out they met and the mist came down, changed my attitude. Terrible I spoke to the OM and it seems it is over for me. I have forced them together. I think OMW and me were being let down gently. Anyway, I have said I am prepared to try again.
BS: male 39
Together 18 years married 11.
Two boys 6 and 8
D-Day: 08 March 2010
PA&EA: 6 weeks
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