18 months after finding out about his 2 affairs. He's trying, but he is who he is. He can't help himself (or doesn't care enough about me) to like stop making eye contact with other women - in my presence. I feel like I'm constantly having to monitor him. What have I become? I have kids. I have an ego I can't let go of. My head does not feel attached to my body. I'm in a trance again - 18 months after. I find myself fantasizing that the perfect "prince" I was meant to be with will appear in my life and I would follow the ethical lines and leave my H in the dust. I feel I'm falling into withdrawl. Actually, I'm feeling I'm have to buy my time. Like have I have to pretend that everything is ok so I can let my kids have a happy childhood. I'm feeling miserable right now. What can he do to get me out of this? I can't be the one. Can he win me back? He would do (almost) anything - except of course read the marriage builders info I've asked him to read a million times. He thinks we're fine - in face better then ever.

Actually, he wound't do anything to win me back. He'd drop me in a heartbeat and say, "well I tried. I'm the good guy for trying. You're the one who gave up. You are cause the split." Do I care? This is where my ego is hurting me. I'm stuck.

Why am I falling again? Why did he have to make eye contact with that woman today in front of me. Is this going to be the rest of my life? Wow do I feel like S***. Anyone? Any thoughts?