Acouple days ago I told h I was going to file, h let me talk and talk on the phone for about an hour. Yesterday he told me that he really wanted to work things out etc. I told him everything I needed from him for that to happen., and that these things needed to be done in a timely mannor. It's not fair that I should be forever patient etc.

Now what? I'm tierd, emotionaly spent, and I don't want to come off like I don't want this cause I do, at the same time I don't want him to feel like he can take his sweet time. He realizes that I am for real at the point where I could file, he seems to be takeing that seriously.

I guess you proceed with what you see. It sounds like he isn't taking you seriously...or is hoping to continue cake eating.

I think he's buying time. And I'm very frestrated, I've been in a depresion since he said these things. I'm trying to pull myself out of it. I hate my siruiation! To tierd for plan A to much has happened that can't be ignored, I don't want to constintly meet his ENs while I starve, been there done that many times over. Plan b, well we've been seperated for 9 months have nothing to do with eachothers lives as it is. We really are at the point of a D, or a amazing reconsiliation, which I don't see happening. I think he's to tierd for all that he would have to do. Though he says that he can.

Just found out their daughter will most likely go to our childrens school next year, I'm having alot of anxiety about this, I've been there for13 years with our children, everyone knows me. This situation must be resolved by the end of the summer permanatly. I can not start the school year off with this on the fence deal, it's to crazy. Part of me just wants him to keep his life the way it is, I'm so tierd of having expectations and needs that are ignored.

To top it off he feels like I'm lieing to him and that I have steped out of our marriage!!!!! I'm infuriated! But he believes this to be true! He wants to be with me etc but needs some time to deal with me saying this is not true!


I feel like im in crazy land! I'm trying to get myself strong enough again to say enough!!!!!!!! Because I don't think he is capable of being a husband to me!

I am so sorry this is happening to you, Newlife. An getting past an affair and back to rebuilding a marriage takes a lot of effort on both sides. If only one person is making the effort, you either have to work to get the other on board and taking responsibility--or you cut your losses and begin to rebuild the kind of life you would like. Staying under constant anxiety shows that you don't trust him, and you are waiting for the next shoe to drop. I think you are more than justified to start taking steps to protect yourself should a divorce be filed.

Yeah it's tough, the anxiety is less about a shoe being droped and more about me being uncomfortable with the feeling that I'm in a holding pattern.

The affair stuff is long in the past, I'm over it. What remains is codependency between them. And very blured lines. Long term affairs with children on both sides is hard to navigate through. Some of the choices I've made were best for the kids but bad for me, so such is the parenting plight.

I'm taking a break from all this mentaly I have my own life to figure out. So we shall see what happens, I'm prepared for either way, but one thing is for sure it's go time. Either we start rebuilding or I'm done, if he dosent figure all this out by Aug I'm fileing.