I think plan A should be a bit longer than a month, you want ample time to show him that you value your marriage and him. Fliping the switch to soon before your ready aswell is like telling your kid your grounded for a month with the possibility of not being able to follow through.

Before you plan B you must relize fully what this means. Plan be is like a step before a D , sometimes this cut off makes the ws freak out and want you back and sometimes it dosent. You have to be prepared to follow through, with a D if nothing happens.

Haveing gone through what I have with my first D day being 9 years ago, and haveing several seperations. I would say the more time for possitive feelings to arouse the better. He moved out quickly, your d day wasn't that long ago. You by the way are doing GREAT! Maybe you could plan A till the end of summer, pick a date... But start getting prepared now for plan B mentaly.

If you do plan b to quickly several things could happen besides a possitive outcome. Number one, the ws could feel like it's a minipulation and because it's only been a short plan A completly wash it away as being a fake ploy. Or you might not be strong enough to get a D if plan b dosent work, and let me tell you that is quite a mess.

You are in a good position right now, even if you don't feel like you are. I know you want to see quick results but it rarely works that way. Even though your MC is an idiot and NEVER should have sugested him moving out the only thing that's good about it is this. It's so much harder to plan A while living with your spouse. So a pressure is off of you. And you have more time to think.

Look it's all hard to go through but you want to give this the best chance it has. You guys were together young like me and my h, and you have a different bond because of that.

Tips: talk about the past! Funny things that happened, stupid stuff you did together when you were young, etc...

Start going out with friends and posting about it on FB! If he calls sometimes let it go to voicemail , you want to be acessable but not beck and call acessable.

Start a new class, or go to the gym, something for you that's new and fun.

Be loving and sexy, but don't sleep with him! That can lead to cake eating, big problem with my past plan As.

Text him flirty things: had a dream about you last night

Invite home over for dinner with your child

ask his opinion about some issue with your child even if you can handle it yourself, it shows you respect his opinion

Ask him for help with packing or moveing, you mentioned moving I think


You get the idea....

A good 3 months of solid plan a will give ample time for renual. If nothing changes then asume the affair continues and go to plan b, for a shorter time then plan A. Maybe 2 months , then file, because after all of that you can be sure you did everything to make it work.

Just remember this is a tuff road, and all we can do is control our responces our choices, the rest we must learn to acsept.

Think of plan A as allowing room for a fresh start, so you want some solid time to show him your ready to acsept him and that you love him. Plan b still gives some wiggle room before a final D. So you need to fill the love bank as much as you can before you retreat.

Hope this helps, and good luck! I think you are doing great, and have good chance, since it's all fresh and your handling yourself like a pro!

Ummmmmm, I really don't remember anything in the book SAA or on this site, written by Dr Harley that suggests this kind of timing for PLan A or Plan B. Where did you get this information from?

Well, when WH came over to pick up DD tonight, we sat and talked at the park for a while. He seemed very depressed/exhausted, and told me that he let OW know that he needed to cut off all contact from her. That he was not going to "be the man who left his marriage for another woman". I just nodded and was quiet, because of course this proclamation really means nothing until it is followed through on. I am not getting my hopes up one tiny bit at this point.

He showed me his phone and there were 4 calls to him today, but he didn't answer any of them. Then he said that he is just so unhappy with life and doesn't know what to do, that he has completely fallen out of love with me and as hard as he tries he doesn't see us together. I reminded him of the fun we had go-carting last weekend, and the plans for camping and boating we have this summer, and he had a smile on his face and said, "yeah, that will be fun". I reminded him that we just renewed our wedding vows 6 months ago, and how we talked about how we still felt like 20-year-old newlyweds. I tried to keep it fairly light, and as much as I wanted to start sobbing and begging him to come back, I'm proud to say I totally held it together.

He told me that he went to see his primary care physician about anti-depressants, but that she was hesitant to prescribe them right away. I wish he would go to a psychiatrist or another doctor, but he was hesitant to even talk to his PCP in the first place, so I'm not holding my breath on this one.

Advice about what to do from here? I am thinking that I just continue plan A until we get into the new house in 2 weeks and he can see how things are there, and how a "fresh start" from our foreclosure may improve his outlook on things.