I'm finding that my stbxh is enjoying not discussing us or the end of us, and it's driving me crazy! I feel after 18+ years together there should be some open talk, something, even I'm so sorry... Something... It's driving me crazy that he's getting what he wants, totally off the hook emotionaly...

I started talking to him again, it was a necitey we were planing a trip for our high schoolers, since then we've talked 4 times, kid pick ups drop offs nutral stuff. He's peppy etc, and it's pissing me off!!!!!

By not having one last convo, and him just acting like we've been divorced forever is making me feel like dog [censored]!

It's like, I've played into everything he's needed all these years since the age of 13 and he's like thanks, and on his merry way. I feel like he's getting off Scott free by us not talking about us!!!!!!!!! Like I'm giving him the last thing he wants from me, to pretend like we weren't going to reconcile in May... It's like the past hasn't happened and he's just with the on and off OW for 8 years, with our kids and their 6 year old daughter, like that's been his life or somthing!!!!!

I'm scared that he's represing everything and it will all come out after the D!!!!!! Like because I told him I need a D he's just turned off everything as if it never exsisted...like I gave up on him so he's going to wipe his memory clean!

This is VERY hard and I feel as though my personal recovery has backslided.

Am I nuts or what?!?

Please don't let his actions derail your own journey.
If you've decided to divorce him, why do you want to talk about "us"? What would you like to accomplish in the talks? Why do you care if he's suppressing any anything?

I suspect that you may want to talk to your STBX about your relationship because you are hoping he'll have an epiphany and change. You're still very emotionally involved in him.

But you have to remember why you asked for a divorce. Part of the reason is that the OW has been his life, right along side with you. Not only that, but guess what? Your STBX probably feels a little relieved that you took the matter out of his hands and made the choice for him. HOWEVER, when you think about that, you also need to remember you are asking for the divorce not to make his life easier, but to make your life livable.

FWIW, my experience with "one last convo" is that they are never, ever satisfactory to the person that still has feelings. If you have one last conversation, you'll still feel as if there are loose ends. In time, you won't feel like that but you may regret some of the things you said. There is an old-fashioned saying "Least said, soonest mended." It's not fashionable these days, but I think there's some truth to it.

Your right, thank you. Feelings and wants aren't allways logical