Get 50/50. Being a SAHM does not mean she will get custody. That's a common misconception.

Fight for 50/50 and no less. Yes, every other weekend and two days of the week works out to 50/50. I would request half the summer, not just 2 weeks.

DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANY LESS! A judge would likely grant 50/50, short of her presenting any compelling evidence that you don't deserve it. Many states are pushing for judges to start with a default ruling of 50/50 and then adjust from there.

I also travel quite a bit on business and it's rather unpredictable. WW is/was a good mom.

Yes, I want to spend a great deal of time with my kids. But I also feel that I need to focus on my career. That way I can provide them with things like college, etc.

OM lives in London. He's not going to be around. Even if he was around, I doubt he would want anything to do with WW when he finds out what life is like taking care of MY kids.

I made the mistaken assumption that my ex would have a difficult time meeting someone while taking care of 3 kids and that anyone new would be scared away under the weight of the responsibility. That wasn't the case at all.

She found someone who is very similar to me in personality and is a rescuer by nature. He's a good guy, so I don't mind it now in hindsight.

But your career is truly meaningless to your kids compared to the time they can have with you. They won't think, "Gosh, I'm sure glad dad worked so much to pay for my stuff."

They're more likely to think, "I wish I had seen him more."

Wouldn't you rather they say, "I'm glad he fought for time for me. The time and memeories we had were priceless. My daddy makes the best food. We had great times together. I'm glad he was there to tuck me in at night. He put in the effort to be with me."

Of course I want to be with my kids every single day. But we ARE getting a divorce. I am done with this marriage.

WW IS going to get primary custody. I will get as much visitation as possible.

If I wanted to drag it out in court and spend a couple hundred grand, I could fight for primary custody, but is that really in the best interest of the kids?

WW keeps complaining that she doesn't have a credit card saying, "what if something happens with the kids and you're away? I need a credit card."

I told her she should call OM and have him take some responsibility for his actions and send some money.

I don't know what it's like in all states but I've never heard of a judge giving 50/50 when both parents don't agree on it and are fighting.

Haven't posted in a while. So here's the update:

Mediation is moving along. We are dealing with a Certified Divorce Financial Planner and a Custody Coach.

We put the house up for short sale this past week because it's not worth nearly what we bought it for back in 2006.

WW is planning on moving with kids back to NY to live in her parents house by the end of summer so they can start the school year there.

After we sell the house (fingers crossed) I am going to get an apartment down South here where my job is and try to transfer within my company to New York within the next year or so. I should be able to recover financially a little with the cheaper cost of living down here. And I am going to fly up to see my kids the first weekend of every month. And hopefully get to see them when I fly to NY on business, which is also about once a month.

WW constantly asks for temporary support after we divorce because she has no job and no money. But in the state we live I do not have to give her alimony because of the adultery. Just child support.

Today is our anniversary

Can't you legally prevent your WW from taking the kids out of state?

I could probably keep her from moving and fight her for custody and spend a few hundred grand in the process.

But in the end, she has no job, and is hell bent on leaving the state.

That was precious. I assume WW said nothing in reply.
Good for you!

It's highly unlikely that it would cost you a few hundred grand if you're just asking that she be prevented from leaving the state with your children. In Texas, a Judge can put it in the final order that the custodial parent is not to move out of the county or contiguous counties. However, if the non-custodial parent moves away, the custodial parent is then free to move wherever he/she chooses.


Why on earth would you agree to let her take your children so far away from you? I just don't get that.

In the state I live, the custodial parent can relocate to a different state once the divorce goes through.

TE,

You're making a massive mistake if you let this happen. DO NOT LET HER MOVE OUT OF STATE WITH YOUR KIDS!

You will be setting a legal precedent that will make it almost impossible to get a good arrangement down the road.

I fought this battle already.

What a judge will see is that you valued your job more than you did your kids.

If you let this happen you will be fighting a massive uphill battle.

You must stop her from taking the kids out of state. I can't emphasize this enough.

Why in the heck are you doing this?

This is insanity and naivete of the highest order.

Do you really think she's simply going to be nice and amicable if you move over there and give you time with the kids when every overnight she gives up is less money in your pocket?

If you let this happen then you are willingly shooting yourself in the foot.

If she wants to move, then let her. You arrange for childcare for your kids. There's tons of services that can accomodate your hours.

And you're wrong about the "custodial parent" thing. Judges don't like it when parents move away out of state. You are hopefully smart enough that you are establishing a shared custody arrangement.

Understand that her needs are not your concern in the slightest.

What you're willingly doing is setting it up so that another man can raise your kids while you pay CS out the nose.

Guess what state they will use to calculate CS? It will be NY if you let her move there and you can imagine how high that will be.

What I see here if I was a judge is a man who cared so little about his kids that he willingly let them leave the state to keep his own job.

A man who cares puts an injunction against such a move and stops it cold.

Yes, if she was the custodial parent with sole legal custody she could move. Otherwise you would have to approve.

Tell me you have a lawyer. A lawyer would advise you to not be a fool about this.

All she has to do is file papers in NY to get CS there.

This is the most idiotic thing you can do. Consider me the 2x4 you need.

You're willingly walking off a cliff.

Would a couple be going to a judge if the got along? Think about it.

TE,

I read your posts and shake my head. I can't understand it as a father.

Your career doesn't matter. Your kids won't think, "Gosh, dad sure did work hard. I'm glad I didn't see him much so he could work and pay for my stuff."

They'll lament not seeing you.

Get your head out of your a$$ and look at the chainsaw you're willingly walking into?

Why can't you have shared physical custody?

Why can't you put a sentence in the divorce agreement that neither party can move with the children out of state. Any such request must be decided before a judge if one party wishes to do so.

The judge will then take into consideration things such as the disruption of the children's school schedule and the necessity of the move.

If your ex has some awesome job lined up, then that might be something for the judge to chew on. Just to move near her mom?

Not a good reason to take them from you.

You are willingly giving up your kids if you do this. I'm telling you this as a warning from someone who has fought this battle.

You will spend much more later for being nice right now. Nice doesn't cut it in divorce or custody issues.

helpthelostdads, thank you.

My WW has no job. No prospects for a job. She is hell-bent on moving out of state. I'm paying for my lawyer and hers $300/hour.

Even if I keep her here for a year, she's going to move back North with them eventually.

And I want to move back up North too. I always thought the move down here was temporary.

I just don't know what else to do.

BTW: We are trying for a collaborative divorce.

TE,

That's a fantasy that exists in Hollywood. It doesn't in real life. A nice divorce will leave a lot unresolved and emotions eventually get ugly. Once she moves on or you do, the lawyers come out with guns blazing.

This is why I am trying to convince you to not make a MASSIVE mistake. Please sop trying to be nice. Don't let he move out of state or you will pay down the road.

With your wife being the primary care giver, are you fearful of the care giving responsibilities that you will have to assume after divorce with 50/50? If that's the case, you may find parenting abilities that you didn't know you had.

When my ex left me with a three year old nine years ago I winged it out of love and instinct until the lessons of my childhood got in gear, and then things became less frightening.

This is your second chance for a parent child relationship. And some say your most important job, because they will forward the lessons they learn from you on to their kids.

If moving is inevitable, make it on your terms. You say that you are shooting for an amicable divorce. Does that mean that you are the one being amicable, and your stbx get what she want?

Why can't she wait until you are ready to move? That way you both get what you want and you get to stay near the kids.

there is understandable fear in handling parenting alone, but as a man who has done it with one year old twins and a toddler, I can tell you it can be done.

You'll learn, you'll adapt, you'll get good. The kids will adjust.

Do not let her move until YOU are ready to move. Put it in writing that no one will move out of state unless you mutually agree to do so.