Thanks Hope, I am still looking for that great "aha" of insight as to what and why.
I'm just not sure I will ever "get it".

It's surreal to think that we went from an OK marriage that everyone looking in envied; to this...I and the M never really had a chance once the A became the great fantasy.

Now, whether WH thinks or realizes what the reality is; does it matter. He is in too deep to get back out.

I still second guess many of the decisions and choices I have made; did those make the A easier, did I make the D easier. If I had stayed would it have eventually made him look at the situation in a different light.

I don't know....and those are probably answers I will never have. Just venting and wondering. Even if I had those answers would it make the wound less raw. Even though I have a darkness now and some peace, that doesn't seem to be healing.

MyMissy, when I start to crawl inside my own head and wonder about the what ifs, I re-read my thread from around the time I entered Plan B. I remember just how hard it really is to pull off a Plan A and how, although it didn't seem it at the time, Plan B saved me from that agony. There wasn't anything that you could have done to make your WH come to his senses. There still isn't. It is up to HIM. I know you know that. Sometimes, it's okay to be reminded.

Well I need some advice.

WH has refinanced a new mortgage - to buy me out of the house; the closing is Monday. I was hoping just to be able to stop in and sign off on the old mortgage, but I guess that is not possible. I have to go to the closing; how do I act? Do I say anything? Do I even look at him? I have not actually seen or spoken to him since I moved out in March.

I know I don't want him to know how I still feel; my heart is broken and I still can't believe that it has come to this point. I guess I believed that it would all still change and turn around.

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

Ask if you can be in a separate room from him and have the papers brought to you for your signature.

Just in case...wear a sexy new outfit, have a fresh mani and pedi and your hair and makeup at its best!

Take some day-time antihistamine capsules a ittle while before the closing. I have a friend who SWEARS that it helps her to stay dry-eyed during difficult times.

LC, that is interesting about the capsules and dry eyes.

(((((MYMISSY)))))

As LC suggested, maybe you could see if you could be in a different room. You will most likely see WH anyways. So, also do as LC suggested. Dress smokin hott. And you should be smiling and polite. Keep your head up, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You are a strong and beautiful woman and he is a turd for not seeing it.

Remember that you have all of us standing right behind you propping you up.

I don't see why you can't have a separate appointment to go over and sign the papers.
Call the title co. and ask.
I am sure that it isn't that uncommon for two owners to deal separately with paperwork.

MM:
WH is really on the fast track. It's like he's a race horse with blinders on. He has no idea what's surrounding him. It's just a race to the finish.

I TOTALLY understand about fretting about what to wear. I do it every time I go to court. I try on several outfits the night before and have my DD give me her opinions. Isn't that silly to be worried what HE thinks? But we do it, nonetheless.

Perhaps it won't be a bad idea to have him take a glimpse of the CONFIDENT you looking absolutely FABULOUS. Think of the last time he saw you. You had probably been crying and looking rather pitiful. No offense -- but the last day I spend with D!ck I was a blubbering mess.

I -- WE-- have our high school class reunion next weekend. I have no idea if D!ck will be attending. Either way, I plan on looking FABULOUS.

We HAVE to look like what they did didn't bother us. We HAVE to make them and others wonder "What's wrong with him leaving such a fine woman?" We HAVE to put on a show whether we feel like it or not. We HAVE to suck it up, put on our big girl panties and face them.

And OW will be jealous that we look good. OW will ALWAYS be worried that he will come back to us. There is no trust between them. Give OW something to worry about -- YOU!!!

Well I went to the closing, yes looking absolutely fabulous and confident. Didn't feel that way though.
Sat in a room with WH for 45 minutes; he said not one word to me, I said not one word to him. He still can't even look me in the eye.
He looks a little more lined around the eyes, but not much else has changed, you would have thought if you were getting want you wanted you would seem happier about it.
Whatever, at least that is done, last step is the D in mid November.
And yes Holyheart - ITA, he is racing to the finish line, its like he thinks that if he gets there then all will work out. I won't be the one to break it to him....but I guess he will figure that out soon enough.

Acting confident is the key even if your insides are ripping apart.

Hope your settlement was in your favor. Did you dress fabulous and sexy.

My Xh is still trying to make it "right". Will never happen.

You can't educate a wayward just point him into the direction of the spiral pit.

Thanks Hope, yes I did dress fabulous and sexy; at least in a work related way - had to go there straight from work.

settlement - I got half of all assets/equity/and a little extra.

What did he get - well, he had to buy the house all over again, lost half his pension, half the 401K, half the savings and got a skank who doesn't want to work very often and her 3 kids.

Granted the kids are sweet (and innocent of the BS), but WH does not relate well to small children, never knew what to do with his own until they became adults. But those 3 sweet children will one day harbor resentments for being yanked an hour and a half away from their daddy.
Step-parenting isn't easy - I know.

I still just don't get it - any of it; neither does anyone who knows us.

I guess that will be an unclosed door for a long time, I will probably never get those answers.

I find all of it sad.

((((MyMissy))))

I am glad that you got this out of the way. Expect a whole slew of emotions to happen all over again. Remember that it does get better.

I was thinking about you all day and wondered how it went. I hope you could "feel" us all behind you giving WH the stink eye.

Thanks Scotty!!!
And yes I could feel everyone from here; I was thinking before I left work to go to the closing that I had to do it alone. The next thought was - no I don't, there are people at MB who care and are sending me good thoughts - it definitely helped me.

You are so right about the slew of emotions and there are so many and they contradict. I thought as i looked at his arms how I wanted to crawl into that familiar safe haven; I was sad to realize that it isn't safe there. I also took a hard look at him and realized that he seems sad and somehow alone. Another part of me felt nothing and that felt both good and sad. On and on they go; but I guess you get the idea.

Part of me wishes that plan B could go longer and maybe....just maybe...but the reality is that the A will never implode unless I let go. It will be a constant "fight" of them against all the people that don't understand "their feelings for each other". So to go along with the D seemed to be the logical step.

Knowing that we were going to have to finalize the financial stuff on the house, I went ahead and unblocked his phone number. Now he can't SAY a single word to me sitting in the same room, but he can text me and email paragraphs regarding this stuff, directions to the title office, asking questions about things he didn't know or understand, etc. I almost get the feeling that he tries to have these little conversations with me without having to look me in the eye.

Now that the closing is done, the final step is the D in November. I should not have to receive any more messages, if I do I will have to block his number again.

Scotty, I think your strength is amazing, I wish I had more of your resolve. Keep up the excellent example you set not only for your children, but people here, friends, and family. You are truly an inspiration.

I spoke with OWH yesterday, he sounds so defeated. He is starting to see the financial devastation POSOW has caused in his life and what he has to go through to try and hang on to his house.

Do the affairees get whats coming to them?

God I hope so!!!

Ranting about the need for the Karma tank to roll through.

Where's the Karma tank graphic? And can you add more than one WH? There's a few who definitely need to lose a limb or two.

Isn't it sad that the numbers keep rising and rising? Add Brent Farve to the mix -- and Courtney Cox and Christina Aguleria or their spouses.

What the heck is wrong with people? What's wrong with being married AND faithful?

Karma tank or bus - whichever you prefer!!!


It is sad, I just posted on Hope's thread that there is something wrong with how disposable our society is and that there seem to be less and less consequences for such actions.

(((mymissy))) As much as I'm feeling better these days I'm still hoping like heck that my M won't come to divorce. You are being so strong. And good for you holding your head high!

I hope WS's and OP's get what's coming to them. I know it's not Christian to want revenge but sometimes I feel like there's a whole slough of things I'd do to OW if it wasn't going to just point right back to me....

Anyway, stay strong and I'm proud of you!

We are human and I can write a book of all of the revenge going through my brain many a night. Karma, karma, karma.

Then I step back and know that I do not have to do a thing.

Vengeance is mine..said the LORD not Hope. Our turn will come.

Well back from my vacation; it feels like a milestone that I got through my first vacation alone. At least it was with life long friends. We had a great time; I was occasionally sad and I only texted WH once after much alcohol. At least it was only once. Kind of feel like an idiot, but the emotions got the best of me.

It was nice to relax and have fun; something that has not really happened since the start of this nightmare.

Well, back to reality tomorrow and work, just wanted to check in and say Hi.

Welcome back. Big girl step taking a vacation on your own. Ok so you did a little drunk dialing...it happens but you were surrounded with good friends and had a much needed break.

Blessings.

I hope the text wasn't too embarrassing

Glad you had a good time with your friends. Keep looking forward you are doing GRAND.