My wife recently had an emotional and sexual affair with a man at her work. She says she's in love with both of us. I say it's bull and I told her I'm filing for divorce on Tuesday. I still love her, but I can not forgive her for what she did. She says she's sorry for hurting me, but she's not remorseful because she "Loves" the other man.

I'm struggling dealing with the fact that the woman I've loved for the last 5 years (4 married. I'm 26 by the way) could do this to me and how to move on from the relationship. I'm going to get a few self-help type books and re-up my counseling sessions that I began when I first learned of her relationship with the other man 6 weeks ago. It's only been 6 weeks and she "Loves" him. It's total bull. I'm angry, anxious and confused because I DO lover her still but I could never forgive her. At least not until she asks for forgiveness, but she has yet to do that and likely wont because she's "in love" with the other man.

Anyway, if anyone knows of some good self-help tools to use, I would appreciate being pointed in that direction.

everythingwvi, I'm sorry you're here. But there is a lot of good help here, and a lot of people who have been exactly where you are (myself included).

My first suggestion is to ask the moderators (click on the "notify" button to the lower right) to move your thread to the Surviving an Affair forum. You may have decided you're done with your marriage, but you still need some help and support to recover. That is a better forum than this.

You may wind up here anyway, like me, but you should really go to that forum and read, study, post and learn. It's often been said that Marriage Builders is the best club that nobody wants to join.

Good luck.

If you want to save your marriage you can't wait for your WW to do so. Well you can but then the outcome will most likely be she leaves you. Or the OM is using WW and the affair will burn out after two years. So sitting back with your hands off will get you divorced or two years later a WW that was the OM's discarded play toy.

No one will fault you for pushing for a divorce now. You will be supported on the path you chose. How ever you know that your mind is very unsetteled now. This is why many a BS is advised to wait 6 months before making important life decisions.

MB can help you with ways to end this affair, recover, and protect yourself legally if you wind up D.

Click on notify the mod's and have your thread moved to surviving and affair section.