That'a sarcasm you're not getting.

Stay strong, don't buy into her manipulation about reading your D papers. D isn't dictated by a spouse. It's a legal decision involving lawyers.

I didn't really understand this in my dealings with my WXW. I would freak out when I'd get a demand from her, as if that's what the court would do. Well, it didn't go that way. I got MUCH more than she wanted me to get.

Your goal is to save your marriage. So follow the advice on that front, which for now involves ignoring her rants and simply repeating the comments you've been told to repeat.

rpg

what I mean is that your ww blames everything in her whole world on you right now.... she has to blame someone other than herself... so you are it.

THIS IS PART OF THE FOG of the affair. Please forgive me if you thought I was being serious here ... I was being sarcastic of her attitude .... it is EXACTLY what I did to my DH .. blamed him for absolutely everything that was wrong in my life .... not wanting to question my own actions or justifications. I tried to tell everyone.. myself included... it was his fault .. GARBAGE ... that is likely what you will be getting from her some while.

never fall for her "you made me do it" attitude. NOTHING not one single thing you did or did not do made her do anything... it was and is and has always been entirely her decision and choice.

I think what threw me off was the 'if in doubt ask her' with the rolly eyes.

She's confronting people now and telling them to chose sides. That might help or make it worse.

Normal WW response.

Sit tight and ride out the storm.

This is scary, she left her sister high and dry at our house and is still not back. She left about 5 p.m., and it's now noon the next day.
Should we call the cops?

If she has the kids with her - I would say yes.

No one from her family or the theater can get to her?

Good Luck with this...

just found out from OMXW that OM is a pothead.
Should I ask WW to take a drug test? Or just take her to get one done?

I don't see how you could really force her to do that. If you really wanted, you could call the cops if you know they are getting high together, but I would reserve that until plan D as it would help your custody battle.

If anything, you could maybe use the OM's drug use as a reason to get a restraining order to keep him away from yours kids. Making WW choose between seeing OM and her kids is a great way to add strife to the affair.

update:
so had a calm discussion about stuff today.
From what I gather, WW only slept with OM once, does not have an emotional connection with OM, has not been with OM since D-day other than in the theater for work, not willing to move to join me because she doesn't want to deal with transitioning the children and that she's done with me, only needs me for the financial support, kids are doing fine.
Done as in: doesn't want to do anything with me, work on the marriage or move to re-unite the family.

That's a tough wall to chip away at.

"From what I gather, WW only slept with OM once, does not have an emotional connection with OM, has not been with OM since D-day other than in the theater for work"

Standard WW lies.

"not willing to move to join me because she doesn't want to deal with transitioning the children and that she's done with me, only needs me for the financial support, kids are doing fine.
Done as in: doesn't want to do anything with me, work on the marriage or move to re-unite the family."

Time to get a lawyer, remove most of the financial support per lawyers guidance, file for custody.

update:
WW is definitely in the withdrawal stage.
When I call home, the phone gets handed off to the kids. They are always excited to talk to me which is good. And she talks positive about me to the kids, at least while I'm on the phone. She said she won't do anything while I'm home. I'll get to run house and kids all by myself.
She asked me to stop talking to her friends.
I've got a lawyer appointment for while I'm home. I don't want a divorce though.
Also have an appointment with her counselor so all three of us sit down and talk.
She won't say why she left that night or what she did. Just that she went over to a married couple's house and slept there. I'm trying hard to just show her my love and not dig further, but am I letting her get away with abandoning house and kids?

If she abandons the house and kids, it's good for you. It gives her more consequences if she does divorce. Eventually she'll want time with her kids once the fog rolls away, and to do so, she'll have to go through you (if you take advantage of this legally). Losing the kids may snap her out of the fog and get her to work on the marriage again.

You see, you were going to not come back to your house and then she would be in the drivers seat. Now you have exposed and taken back control in your marriage. Keep it up and don't back down.

Any advice on what I should while I'm home for two weeks?

15 hours til I head to the airport.
then another 10 to get there.

Things are turning for the worse. WW keeps running away. She keeps reading D papers to me and when I try to counter with loving messages she either runs or gets really angry. I was re-reading some stuff I'm SAA and she threw all my books nearby, to include my bible, out of the window. She's doing all this with an almost maniacal laugh.
I don't want a divorce. But I'm starting to have doubts that it is salvageable.

This is normal. WSs typically act out the first few weeks after exposure. Just be calm, don't try and preach. Act like her fits of acting out don't affect you, and she'll stop. Just document her actions in case it does eventually go to divorce court. Your goals is to kill her affair by any means necessary. If there is no OM to run to, she'll probably stay with you, even if she isn't happy about it. Most women do not leave until they have another man lined up. Ruin her plans, and she'll likely stick it out with you, even if it is hostile for a little while. Keep up with plan A and don't act needy or preachy. If she acts up like that again, maybe call a family member to get their help removing her from the house. You might want to keep a voice activated digital recorder handy because a lot of WWs will start claiming abuse.

Did you see the movie "The Exorcist" where that sweet little girl becomes possessed? Equate this with your WW right now.

She threw your books out the window because she is 'possessed' by her A. She's likely to do a lot of weird things. Don't let that discourage you.

D papers aren�t read to you. They are served to you, usually by a sheriff. They are filed by a lawyer.

All she�s doing right now is bluffing.

If she talks divorce, very calmly and matter of factly say, �I will not talk divorce. I will only talk marriage.�

If she presses, again, very calmly tell her, �Divorce is a path you don�t want to go down. I will not make it easy, I will fight for custody, I will file on grounds of adultery, and I will keep as much of our stuff as possible. We will not be friends in any way if we go down that path. I would much rather save our marriage.�

You see, my WW had it the other way on me. She kept telling me that the only way we would have any chance of being together again was if we amicably divorced, had time apart to �heal�, and then re-engaged. She went so far as to tell me that she had so much faith we�d be back together that she was going to leave the Christmas stuff with me.

This empty promise held me hostage. Anytime I resisted, she would scream and yell that that things would then be ugly and that there would be no chance we could save things. I would then back down.

The reality is that there is no such thing as an amicable divorce. Telling yourself that as a BS or a BH is simply living a fantasy.

So don�t let her dictate anything and know that she�s bluffing.

Everything she�s doing is normal crazyness of a wayward. Don�t react to it. Calmly tell her that if she continues this behavior in front of the children that you�ll have to call the police.

I very strongly recommend you record her during these rants. The recording can help protect you when she resorts to false claims of abuse.

Hold your ground. You�re dealing with a bully and she�s much more afraid and uncertain than she lets on.

She claims that she only slept with a guy once because she was drunk now. That's also what she tells everyone else. She says I accused the wrong guy and that there really is no affair. Her story contradicts what she said before and what my kids are telling me. She stays out all night and says she won't do anything around the house while I'm there. Whenever she is around she'll do anything to keep me from trying to talk to her.
I was allowes to go to her counseling appt. I was told that my exposure to all her friends on FB was very wrong by the counselor and kind of equated it to her one night stand.
I've seen those parts of the exorcist. It's very scary to see that kind of mockery and laughing in real life.
She said she'll file for D on Monday.

Where is she going all night? With who? Document, document, document. And I'd tell off your counselor and pass Dr. Harley's exposure explanation off to her. Maybe the counselor is just woefully ignorant instead of stupid.

If she still is contacting OM, I'd go full force ramping up exposure and pressure on him to get him to dump your WW. If there is no affair, there is no reason to leave, so I'm sure there still is an active affair if she will file for D. Don't give up so easily. Keep up with plan A and don't let her mood swings deter you. Also, start looking for a good bulldog attorney that will fight her on custody and help you with a plan if she does go through with D.

I had a counselor tell me to go along with everything my WW was telling me to do. He told me to follow her plan and that this was some sort of journey she needed to take and was confident she'd want to return to the marriage eventually.

He couldn't have been more wrong and he had his head up his butt. You've made progress. Exposure brought the affair to light.

She can't hide it anymore.

Explain the consequences of divorce to her and stick to them.