Thanks for all the replies. Any example letters of how to expose the affair to their work. I don't want to come off as vindictive or vengeful. At this point I was thinking about just exposing OM and then if need be give my wife's name. Should I also write any kind of letter to my wife or just ignore her.

Dude- why do you care what they think at this point?

She is walking all over you and the OM - do you think he cares about you one bit? If he did then he would not be messing with your wife and driving a wedge between you two.

Expose to whoever and where ever you can.

3 options!!!

Pick one!

Abc098: as a person you have to listen and hear what is said, this helps you understand what is being said as well as message. You are reading the posts and yet you choose to use an abc098 plan that is NOT aligned to the MB plan. Why do you think your plan will work when the MB plan has decades of success behind it. You do a full exposure and you mention your wifes name, she is intentionally having and affair and if proud of it so you tell all, this is not vengeful this is fighting for and saving your marriage.

Someone will post a link to some sample words in the interim track his family and friends down

the only reason i said i didn't want to come off as vindictive is because then maybe the employer wouldn't be as receptive to the email
-i mailed his parents a letter, no response
-next his work
-and friends (through facebook i suppose)

That's why you mention things like "possible misuse of company resources" and such things as that. It becomes more relevant to them if their resources are being wasted.

Hi ABC. sorry about your situation. if it is any consolation there are many of us with similar situations. the more experienced members of this forum are entirely correct. failure to act on your part = supporting the affair. fighting for your marriage = fighting for your marriage. a fight is not fair. it is about winning. it involves using all the means at your disposal. my mistake (which is why my W has had 2 A's!!) was not exposing the 1st time w/ no real recovery, and i did limited exposure the 2nd time thus allowing my W time to gather herself and think that everything was alright. it took me months to expose to my kids. i am @ wits end and would save u a fate such as mine by stressing to u the overwhelming importance of not holding back.

engaging in a workplace romance with a subordinate is inappropriate to say the least. their decision to engage in such behavior places their jobs and the company at risk. they have to answer for that. anything your W says right now is being done to protect the OM. i say eff that. she is not in her right mind. people in situations such as their's are not. do NOT waffle on this. go after him tomorrow. do not let the w/e hit without doing this. draft your letter and send it tomorrow morning by both email and snailmail, mailing one to yourself but not opening the envelope. do not hesitate to include your W's name in the letter. she has to answer for her choices. she will obviously be angry at first, but that is typical. she will get over it.

you are not alone. i wish you the best. you have the strength within you.

hi ABC ...

i am sorry to hear your story ...
she loves OM. and you still want to win her. right now, all her words are lie. i suggest, you concern about yourself only. ignore her. plan B time or maybe plan D.

good luck

To whom it may concern:

It is my duty to bring to your attention a serious breach of conduct that has been occurring in your company for (insert length of time).

An extra-marital affair between supervisor and subordinate has been occurring between (other man) and (your wife).

Enclosed you will find documentation confirming the offense to your company.

I am certain that the abuse of power and position by (other man) is in direct violation of several of your corporate guidelines on behavior, not to mention sexual harassment.

Unfortunately, it is common that when abuse of power and position happens, it is not just an isolated incident.

I urge you to investigate the strong possibility that other abuses of power occurred and that company resources may have been utilized to carry out this extra-marital affair.

Activity such as this can undermine the integrity and morale of a corporation. I trust that you will take appropriate action to restore the good name of your company.

Should you wish to inquire further of me, I may be reached at: (ph #, email, etc).

Respectfully yours,

(you)

*****

Send to: CEO, Human Resources, OM's immediate supervisor, the law offices that represent them

Of course you should give your wife's name. It won't make any sense if you don't. Especially when you sign your full name and provide your own phone #.

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

The employer will not be receptive to an anonymous letter. That is a waste of time. The letter has to include your wife's name and all the other facts or there is no reason to take you seriously.

How do you know this man is single? It is unusual that a single OP would be this terrified about losing his job. How do you know he is not married?

Did you use Brit Brats exposure letter at OM's job?

You have to do this to kill the affair. Apeashing the WW will only give her more time to have SF with the OM and still get you divorced in the end.

If you don't want to appear vindictive, you can either use the template letter mentioned previously, or simply state that you are trying to do everything you can to save your marriage and that you would appreciate it if the company would stop this inappropriate relationship between subordinate and supervisor that is probably being conducted on company time so that you and your wife can work on your marital issues without pressure and interference from her supervisor.

You need to shed your fear. What is the worst that will happen? That she will carry out her threat to divorce you? Has she actually filed? If that is the worst that can happen and the process has already started, then what are you afraid of?

hereisme, have you read Dr. Harley's concepts on this website? I suspect you have not, and yet with only 3 posts under your belt you are advising other posters on proceeding to destroy their Ms. Are you a counselor? Because that's what most MCs do.

Before proceeding to give your personal advice, please take the time to acquaint yourself on the concepts of the owners of this website.

This is a simple fix! ABC you can restore your marriage as long as you are willing to do the work....exposing him at work and his family will give you a green light on saving this marriage. if you don't want to be in this marriage and you want to lose her then do exactly what hereisme83 told you to do.

I submitted an email to their workplace. We will see what happens...

Be prepared for her response. She will be furious. She will say things like:

I can't believe you did this to him/me!
Did you think this was going to help?
Why don't you want me to be happy?
Can't you understand that it is over between us?
Your ruined his life!
I was considering saving our marriage, but you just ended any chance of that!

Or variants along these lines.

it's a script. We've seen it a million times.

What did it say?

Your only response to her rants should be, "I will do what is necessary to end your affair and save our marriage."

That's it.

Then, as many have suggested to others in your situation, offer her a cookie. Have some on hand.

Act like her anger means nothing to you. Be James Bond/Bruce Lee/Mr. Spock.

Pretend she just came in and told you it was raining outside. Show nothing but confidence, even though you won't feel it inside.

Finally,

I wanted to add that I disagree that telling her that you will make the OM's life hell is a LB. I don't follow that logic at all considering he's a man who is f-ing your wife.

ABC,

We are all sitting here in amazement at the position you are in: you may not know it, but you are sitting in the proverbial DRIVER'S SEAT!

Imagine being the pilot of a WW-II era bomber loaded with a nuclear bomb. You signed the bomb yourself in bright white chalk. Imagine yourself pulling the lever and destroying your enemy. If you don't pull it, you will eventually be shot down by the enemy and suffer a painful death. Are you going to pull the lever or just circle the target until you are shot down?

Send the letter to his work!