Be affectionate and loving. Listen. Do not lecture. Do not try to educate her. If she says she doesn't see how something is possible, don't try to tell her now how it's possible.

She will.
Later.

Rome was not built in a ...............

Take a breather.
What sort of physical activity can you do today?
Can you take the older kids to a park and play ball?

PTSD is of no relevance.
Remember the ANGRY WW we talked about. She's showed up. No more no less. Ignore it! Babbble.
You question your decision? Let me assure you with no doubts in your mind that what you did was the right thing to do. Case by case and examples prove sweeping it under the rug is the first MAJOR mistake. No consequences for actions is a sure way to enable a WS.
Also as you have been told this. Most M dont survive an A. Many WS relapse into another A. BECAUSE the right steps were never taken to eliminate the conditions of the A and there was no work on the M to restore romantic love. Post A M with no plan typically limp along and never recover. Is that what you want? Or do you want an A proof ,loving marriage and a wife that is your partner in everything you do?
Dont doubt what you did my man. You stood up for your family instead of watching a WW facilitate back and forth in her feelings and actions. You were in for a living he11 in that direction. You forced change and decision instead of being stuck in limbo land.

I know personally a WS who raged for a couple of days after exposure/NC. I was shocked at his reaction but what everyone says here is true, you have to give it some time. Your wife is experience a true withdrawal.

Can you encourage her to get on those ADs? That will help her.

Just keep reiterating that you have hope for your M and when she is ready, be prepared to lead this recovery using the plan ML gave you.

onemoretime, I want to have a loving marriage where my wife is my partner in everything we do. I want for her to feel like my equal and vice versa. I don't want to control her or for her to feel controlled. I want my wife to know that I love her and appreciate her. I want her to trust in me to meet her emotional needs. I want for us to be able to communicate effectively. I want her to feel that I am approachable no matter how bad an issue seems. I want to never hurt her again. I want her to be happy. I want our children to be happy, to see that mom and dad are madly in love and madly love them.

Conversely, I want to know and feel that she feels all the same things towards me.

We haven't had those things in a LONG time through both of our faults and actions. I want to change that more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.

BTW how did exposure to your kids go?

I haven't seen my kids in two days. I work crazy hours (which is part of the problem). I've got to go back to work for another sixteen hours in about five minutes. I'm taking steps to rectify that but its not immediate.

So, no, I have not talked to them about this yet.

I hope you rectify that immediately.

In addition to helping to defog your WW, Dr Harley talks about how kids will blame themselves for marital problems/tension on the household...and that's part of the reason that exposure is so important, so that they understand it is NOT due to anything that they did.

Then you will be willing to be patient.

Shattered you are the mirror of what I was. Know that you did the right thing! NOW with the power of knowledge you can and will have those things! It will take time so be patient (coming from a high Driver personality that wants everything done now :))
We all try to drive our marriage with intuition. It fails most of us every time. The truth is that when we dont have open and honesty and joint agreements we cause ill feelings towards the one we love. I find it odd we are kinder to strangers than we are to our own spouses.
Most marriages and spouses have no idea that they lack ful filling each others emotional needs. Its driven with selfishness and not selflessness. Be selfless now and for the rest of your Life to your wife. Place her on that pedestal and honor her. Now as much as you can but later out of pure love.
I have been where you are more times than I care to be. I let it slip back both times by not following a plan. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN!
My Wife is a happy woman today (when I hold back depression and anger) because she has HER needs met. In return she is now making sure mine are met. All because we are on a plan to build romantic love. I am affectionate (non sexually) I am attentive and I delve into conversation with her. I am helping with domestic duties and support. These are the things she needed to be emotionally close to me that I lacked doing. We have agreed honesty is the only policy. We discuss decisions and make them together so as to not sacrifice each others feelings.
EVERYONE is wired for an affair. EVERYONE! Needs are so strong that when not met they leave huge holes in our soul. We seek someone that will meet them regardless of our morality of convictions.It always starts as friends and always starts with conversation. You and she must be able to recognize these dangers and know how to avoid them with stronger boundaries in place. Making sure each others ENs are met usually goes a long way to avoid the temptations anyhow.
Forget every other site you dabble in. I have pre scouted them for you. Stick here and learn. Read all of DR Hs knowledge and listen to every clip then apply it. When shes ready introduce them to her and actively work with her on these principals and you will see amazing results.

I work crazy hours (which is part of the problem) The rule of time. I know it cant be fixed quickly but know that time spent with your W meeting each others ENs is your first priority. Work on a solution daily.
If you have vacation time DR H recommends a vacation with just the two of you. A week is good 2 is better. Amazing what a week of solid UA time will do.

All of this is possible!

Just not by tomorrow.

The beauty of MB is that there is a PLAN for recovery of LOVE after adultery.
(That is Not plan A & B)

Just not by tomorrow.

Your wife is not ready yet.
She needs to go through withdrawal.

Just not by tomorrow.

Pepper you are the woman!

I am NOT!
I have da'girl parts.

ok u the woMAN

Before exposure, heck, before I knew for certain or even suspected an affair, I read MB. I asked my wife to read Dr H's principles. She half heartedly skimmed the site but didn't show much interest.

I asked her today if she would be open to additional counseling. She said she would...but not from Dr. H. She said she doesn't agree with his philosophies but wouldn't elaborate.

She does not agree because the recommended process gives her no wriggle room or chance to blame you, as she was in the affair she would never agree why should she.

The MB process is a proven process stick to it for the sake of your marriage.

I don't think she gets to negotiate the terms of recovery (who counsels or not). The wayward only gets to negotiate things once recovery is truly underway.
You insist on certain things as the betrayed and later work on win/win situations.

People.....am I right?
(maybe not, but comment on this please)

How can she say she doesn't agree with Dr. H's principles if she only half-heartedly skimmed the site? Would she be willing to do at least the Emotional Needs Questionnaire?