IM has informed me that WH wants no contact or visitation with kids. I guess I have to breakdown? NO! WH is having a tantrum and I am ignoring. IM only told me this information since it had to do with boys. I am hurt , but after reading this forum, WS do this all the time . I guess I thought he would get his head out of his #$$. Guess not.

In my opinion, in his temper-tantrum he's accidentally doing your kids a favor by removing himself from the picture.

There's another thread here where the poster, just today, dealt with her six-year-old crying after visiting wayward daddy and his girlfriend. It flat out pisses me off when I read stuff like that.

It's just such a ridiculous stress to put on a child that, if his true motives weren't so obvious, I'd be inclined to thank your husband for such an honorable act. Unfortunately, he was just wanting you to get upset or something by pouting and throwing a little fit.

As usual, though, you are doing great by ignoring it. Good job.

Oh, and see if you can get him to put that in writing. Maybe your IM could get him to email her something saying that he doesn't want any contact or visitation.

He may be just foggy enough to do it.

Here's that thread I was thinking of:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2507638#Post2507638

Nwood tytyty! My IM has it on her phone. He text her this. But let me tell you what he pulled last night. I am so MAD! I have my step mom in ICU in Chicago. I get a call last night at 1am on my cell. I am asleep and just answer . I say hello hello, no answer. I look at my screen and it is my MIL cell phone #. I say HELLO! I hear WH say I am taking a bottle of sleeping pills. It is all your fault. You are taking all my money and my kids. I breathe a few seconds and say , I hope SHE was worth it ! I hang up.I felt like a POS. I cannot do this crap with him. He is out of his mind! I will not talk to him or have anything to do with him until he is on TRACK! With my MB plan! I did not sleep, got up and did the day to day with school and kids. I do not know if I was wrong, but I don't know what to do? I let IM know to email him again what he needs to do in order to come back. I feel like a cold hearted witch!

You haven't done anything wrong. You know this is straight out of the wayward script, right? Everything is the BS's fault? Many waywards are depressed and suicidal and it has everything to do with their affair and nothing to do with you.

Now, torn, we need to plug up these holes, OK? He is getting through too much and it is throwing you into a tailspin. Also your IM shouldn't be telling you that he is having a tantrum. Have you given your IM the guide written by ML? Only the necessary information is to passed on, completely filtering any of your WH's emotions out.

Does your MIL know you are in NC with WH? If she is going to let him use her phone to call you, then you may have to block her too.

{{{torn}}}}

SusieQ Thanks ! I sent my IM bits and pieces about what the guidelines are. Can you give me a link for the IM written by ML? Please?
As for MIL.. I have thought hard about this. I am blocking her because I am hanging on to the hole she creates for my WH. If I am serious about Plan B, and honest with myself and you all, I need to block his family. None of them but my MIL has called since he left and they are a family full of cheaters, so I do not need them.
I will say this , this is the hardest thing I have done, and I am upset to be doing it, but I know I am getting better by doing it. I know is sounds crazy, but I feel a little better. I look at my posts just from last week and I feel a little better.
The kids need a sane mom, not a broken mom.
I pray every day for my sanity. Every day , sometimes every hour.
My other issue is I have to move. Our home is soon to be inf foreclosure and I am trying to do a deed in lieu of foreclosure. My issue is that I am not from here. I do not want to live in the same town with OW.I want to be near my family . My support system. I know that when he visits the kids here he gets a chance to see OW.I need to relocate. But do I move to the same state as him? Do I have to continue divorce in this state or do I have to transfer where I move? I have to make a decision now that I am done on Friday with school. But what ?

Torn,

Bravo on your response to his middle of the night call. Susie does make some good points about your hearing too much about him, but I'd say you're doing really well here.

Sorry, no idea about how relocating affects your filing, but I'm sure your attorney could help you out with that--maybe even without charging you

I don't blame you one bit for wanting to move. I think it'll do you good, a fresh start. Whether you reconcile or divorce, you'll have to have a fresh start anyways so might as well start now.

Don't worry about feeling like a cold-hearted witch. He hasn't exactly been too concerned about how you've felt lately. Why return the favor?

Here's that guide:
Intermediary Training Guide

It either says in this guide or I have read it somewhere else that only a fraction of what your WH is telling your IM should be being passed on. eg, He may send five emails in, say, two days and she may not even need to tell you he has emailed at all...

If you block your MIL, maybe just let her know first that there is a way to reopen communications, if she can promise you to not to let WH through...

You will start to feel even better once you go completely dark. Other Plan Bers who have been dark will see or hear from their WSs and it will set them back for a few days so it really is important.

How are you doing with self care? Exercising? Eating well? Doing some fun things for yourself and the kids?

Hang in there!

Torn,

Are you from the same state/area that your WH is currently living? Would this enable him to see the children more? Long term if you do divorce, provided that he can be a good dad/come out of the fog, it wouldn't be a bad idea to live where he can be more a part of their lives.

Ultimately it is up to you and where you will be a better mom to your children as you will have them 90% of the time.

ba

She cannot promise so BYE!She is enabling AFFAIR!


I am eating,no exercise(no time)I graduate tomorrow and we are having a small party!

AMEN!

I am so proud of ME! I figured out the cool smileys and how to quote! Yeah

BA ty!

Yes I am from the state of IL where he is living currently with my inlaws. My parents visit me here but are about 5-6 hours away.My brother and SIL and her family live here not too far from me and kids. But with my SIL schooling, they are planning to move in the next year or two. My problem is my 8th grader will be going to HS next year and my 10th grader will be a junior and the kindergartner will be starting 1st grade. If I move I don't want to move in the middle of a school year. That gives me less than three months to move me and four kids!

I hate this part of all this. That WH and OW have made my life so upside down!

I graduated with honors! My family was there and my children! I had a long weekend with them all, and I am feeling so happy! I could not have made it without this forum and all of you! Thank YOU!!!!! No WH, no OW , can take my dreams ever! And it was great to focus on us!! US only no negativity !!

That being said, I am trying to mentally prepare to see him on Thursday for court! Any advice appreciated...

HUGS to all who prayed for me and talked me through all this.. I am grateful and may God bless you!

Congratulations on graduating, Torn!

I don't have too much advice on court except to try not to look at him or talk to him AT ALL. Do you have any family or friends going to support you?

Thank you !!! My SIL who could have has to watch my 2year old. Do you think kids can come to court? I have no desire to speak to the ALIEN WH! But my stomach is so nervous knowing I will have to see him. I truly feel better, and do not want to start over with the withdrawal of him. You know?

Congratulations on the graduation!

Do what Susie suggested, no eye contact if possible. Let the lawyers talk and just talk to your attorney. If it helps, you could carry a small notepad or something so that you'd have something to "read" and, therefore, keep your eyes down or averted if you have to walk past him.

Okay , here goes. My IM let me know he will be here to pick up our little one @ 12pm. I informed IM to text me when he is in driveway and I will send him out. I am placing baby bag outside garage door before he gets here. He will not see even a hair on my head. IM told my WH to pick up bigger boys at their schools @ 3 and they are taking sleepover bags to school with them . He is staying at hotel til Friday @ 8 am and then will drop off 2 year old at IM house.

I now have this issue. I know he is coming out here tonight, like he always does. I have hard time with this. I know he sees OW before he sees our kids. I hate feeling like this.