Mike,

3;50am, 4 hours sleep fairly normal. My body is convulsing. Popping AD and anxiety pills. All I think about is her being with him. And, the absolute disregard for me and my kids she shown for all these years. The ruin she done my life and many others around us (parents, friends) is huge and will get bigger if I go. But, it might be better for my kids not to see their father as a mental patient.

This really is a temporary state. You are in the worst of it. Have you ever done anything difficult? When I was n the Marine Corps we used to go to the gas chamber. I remember my first time going through it. Had no idea what to expect. I remember the drill instructors making us sing the Marine Corps hymn in a closed room filled with CS gas. PANIC!!! I remember on guy tried to bolt and run. right about the end of the first stanza. The DI walked over to me and said, you see that guy? He's freaking out and he's through the worst of it. He just doesn't know it yet. Something clicked in my head... I can endure it. It is painful, it is scary, but it is endurable.

Mike, The WORST of it is over. The affair is over. You can survive it. The "CS" fog will clear for both of you and you will be able to breathe soon. Can you endure yet a little longer? The dangerous part is over (the affair), and what you are dealing with is the realization of what you were just unwittingly put through. The air is clearer and it is safe to breathe.


I promised not to AO so I do go crazy in my car alone to let loose but there is no satisfaction in that. I do go for runs and try to work it out. I so screwed. She ruined this perfect little family that I so loved.

I do let her read these posts, all of them as they more often than not are keeping me focused on the prize. And she needs to hear what you are saying as it helps her cope. Shes a big fan, just not a big writer.


It's a good start. You write well. Do you journal? Either or you? It's a learned skill. I suggest you start. Write totally open and honest and if you are comfortable, let each other read them. This helped me. Writing love letters helped keep me focused on the prize. MRs Mike... Write your husband love letters. Tell him honestly how you feel. He may respond poorly at first (I did), but we are somewhat like babies after DDay. We need constant reassurance and care. We need to be retaught that the wayward loves us. This takes time and patience from you.

Mike, You are not crazy. All of us BS's went through this. I slept about an hour a night for the first 2 weeks and almost landed myself in the hospital. I was on Dr. ordered bedrest for a week (two actually, but I didn't listen)


CV-I told her just yesterday, the holding we do is the only real time I stop thinking about the A for a minute. We cant hold all day, though. I asked. We are more affectiate in public something we never were. Its almost too little too late. I wish I didnt feel this way.

Feelings are weird things... The change and morph. Constantly. Living by feeling is what got WW in trouble. Living by principles we hold dear is what carries us through. The rollercoaster DOES have and end to it. it's not indefinite. Eventually it will slow down, you will catch your breath and relax.


Now I cry about how this is going to affect my babies (9 and 11 year olds). They hurt already, they see their dad in bad shape, now I have to potential for the triple threat of destroying this family. Its a no win thing right now.


You know why? because your eyes are off the prize. You have things beginning to take shape and you mentioned them. The seeds of a wonderful marriage are beginning to take hold. You don't have to destroy the family. You can choose to stay and work adn wait for the rollercoaster to stop. You can look at how your wife is holding you and being affectionate and is obeying and see these as progress... Good progress. Too little too late was my mantra for almost three years and then I recovered from rectal-cranial inversion and pulled my head out.

We are fallen creatures living in a fallen world. None of us will ever love the other perfectly this side of glory. BUT we can love each other better and better. We can learn and grow together. My wife's 2 A's made me grow. They made her grow. I would have preferred to do it any other way, but I didn't get the choice. I did get an opportunity though and I am taking it. AND I am giving her the opportunity, One last one, to grow next to me.Staying and making it work is really win/win... it just doesn't feel that way right now.



I will say this, I gave myself 90 days after dday to figure this out. NOt yet 30 days so I guess Im not giving it the due time it deserves and promised myself I would. Right now, tho, I want out.

3 months is a start. 6 months is the 1st turning point though. Wanting out is a natural reaction to the attack on your marriage. I told W that 1000x. When I had mroe sleep and was lucid, I was able to see better that what i really wanted was her love, admiration, devotion and support. I bet you do too.

Don't run, bro... Fight! When you are tired... rest. then fight some more.

Excellent NG!

Mike,

This is just a thought. Please disregard if it seems silly:

Could you do a small ceremony with friends to mark the end of the 'old marriage'. Planning the ceremony with WW could be cathartic. And in the future when you are ready , propose again like NG did?

Cypress.

Just booked a b&b for us in 2 weeks. She doesnt know it. Healing is full stride. Todays another good day.

Had to tell her so she can get kid coverage for the w/e. Finally some tears of happiness. For both of us.

. Crazy business these A's can be.

The only thing i can think of is my FWW has had no withdrawal symptoms and really is thankful that its over. She only misses the baby she helped raise and who our kids miss terribly. The OM was a controlling deviant in her mind and use her inability and fear to leave the scene for many years. She used to have headaches and backaches and other things that used to nag her daily that she doesnt anymore. Now, its only me with my (fewer) sporatic ball breaking sessions she has to deal with and right now Im beginning to think less of them together and more of her and I together.